How to run a house fit for a Queen: Plates an inch from the table edge. Taps that sparkle like the crown jewels. A former royal housekeeper reveals her secrets

Domestic perfection is not my talent, but if anyone can teach me how to make a bed fit for royalty (be it Buckingham or Beckingham), it's the Queen's former housekeeper.

I watch Barbara Allred - who was head housekeeper at Sandringham for a decade - as she smoothes a pristine cotton sheet over a mattress and tucks it in. Geometrical dexterity creates an envelope corner as crisp and neat as origami. I make four attempts and it still looks as if I've stuffed the bed's skirt into its knickers. Hopeless!

But I'm confident that a day with Barbara will teach me some much-needed housekeeping basics. She tutors for The English Manner, which trains butlers and housekeepers for billionaires, celebrities and aristocracy alike.

Dustbuster: Anna, right, is put through her paces by Barbara Allred, left, who was head housekeeper at Sandringham for a decade - and she leaves no cleaning stone unturned as she trains people to clean

These days, says Barbara, no one with any class refers to 'servants - you have a staff. To be in service is more of a profession'.

She adds firmly: 'When you're working for the top, standards have to be 110 per cent, not just 100 per cent.'

I change into sensible black lace-ups - 'those shoes need a polish,' murmurs Barbara - tie on my apron, and we trudge upstairs to begin work. I learn that the open end of pillowcases should be inward-facing on the bed (two pillows per person, ideally, for aesthetic purposes).

We smooth the duvet, plump the pillows by punching them and carefully fold the bedcover into thirds, concertina-style, 'so if you're cold at night, you can pull it up easily'.

Four carelessly arranged decorative cushions come under fire. 'All cushion stripes should go in the same direction,' says Barbara, re-arranging.

Attention to detail is exhaustive, and exhausting. Not one millimetre of the room, from ceiling to floor, is overlooked. The space between bedside tables and bed, says Barbara, should be identical. Each lamp must be positioned symmetrically. 'Yours are slightly out of kilter.'

I'm grateful we're short of time or Barbara would have had me washing the walls with a 'very, very squeezed out sponge', unscrewing light-bulbs to remove dead insects, and cleaning the grouting in the ensuite with a toothbrush.

As it is, making the bed to her exacting standards takes 20 minutes, and Barbara only rests when it looks 'so inviting you want to dive into it.'

It takes Anna 20 minutes to make a bed to Barbara's standards, which are that it much look 'so inviting you want to dive into it'. It involves smoothing to duvet and folding the bedcover into thirds, concertina style

Barbara, a former Wren, is a perfectionist, yet calm, capable, flexible and good humoured - all, I suspect, qualities essential to serve the great and the good.

The night before we meet, she stayed in a B&B and couldn't resist running her finger over the doorframe to check for dust. 'And?' I say. She purses her lips. She's still recovering from a recent shopping trip where an assistant said 'Hiya!' instead of 'May I help you?'

General service standards may be shoddy, but Barbara believes in doing a job well. She is haunted by the time the laundry at Sandringham, sent away to a professional firm, was returned with 'every sheet like a board' because some unfortunate had added too much starch.

Shortly afterwards, while dining, the Queen said, without rancour: 'Barbara, the napkins seem awfully stiff. One could cut one's lip!'

'That is the kind of person you want to work for. She was a delight. Those who have been brought up with staff know how to treat staff,' smiles Barbara. Some of the new wealthy are less certain, can be brusque or over-friendly and familiarity breeds contempt.

So, warns Barbara, staff must 'know where the line is. You never call your employer by their first name. You are not their friend.

'The Queen would say: 'How's your little granddaughter?' I'd thank her, but I wouldn't say: 'How are your grandchildren?' ' After a bone-wearying day under Barbara's exemplary instruction - I've laid the table for a formal occasion (using a butler's ruler to ensure each plate is an inch from the edge of the table), polished and polished a silver ornament, cleaned the loo (I'm not happy about scrubbing under the rim of the bowl, even in my Marigolds) - I have an inkling of what it takes to serve the high and mighty.

I fear I'm not up to it, but here are Barbara's top tips if you are:

BATHROOM THRONES THAT REALLY GLEAM

Barbara insists on scrubbing the loo under the rim, and advises keeping a separate pair of gloves for this

To remove limescale build-up on chrome taps, apply a paste of 2 tbsp salt and 1 tsp white distilled vinegar. Use a toothbrush or cotton bud to clean difficult areas, and a bottle brush to clean plugholes.

Keep a sponge and rubber gloves dedicated to the loo - and manually clean under the rim of the bowl.

Use a limescale product; bleach takes the shine off porcelain. To remove mildew or mould, mix equal parts lemon juice and baking powder into a paste, leave on for two hours, then rinse off. Toilet paper should roll from the front. Fold the end into a point to show the bathroom has been cleaned.

CRISPLY FOLDED BATH TOWELS

To hang a towel, it should folded into three lengthwise before being hung on the towel rail - no shoddy jobs here

Lay the towel flat, then fold it in three, lengthwise, before hanging on the towel rail. If you're folding them away in the airing cupboard, fold them in three again (or four, for large bath towels.) Stack towels in the airing cupboard, neatly, with the fold towards you, with towels of one size in a single section.

RIGHT ROYAL TABLE SETTING

Barbara instructed Anna on how to use a butler's ruler to set the table - although a tablecloth is optional

Barbara Allred was head housekeeper at Sandringham in Norfolk for ten years until she left in 2007

Set one place setting first to ensure you're happy with it. Then place each main course plate on the table; they should be equidistant.

Each main course plate should be an inch from the edge of the table, as should the bottom of the cutlery. The side plate should be at ten o'clock in relation to the main plate. Glasses are at two o'clock.

The red wine glass is traditionally larger, and to the right. The white wine glass is smaller, to its left.

The sweet fork and spoon are normally positioned at the top of the main plate.

A tablecloth is optional.

Polish cutlery, and clean glasses without touching the rim - use your left hand to cradle the bowl; never twist the bowl when washing or drying the inside of a glass.

THREE-MINUTE MICROWAVE TRICK

Place half a lemon in a dish with some water and put it in the microwave on full blast for three minutes. Take it out carefully. The steam will loosen any dirt, so it's easier to wipe off, and the citrus will kill unpleasant food smells.

CLEARING AWAY THE COBWEBS

A room should be dusted from the left ceiling first, to be methodical. Use a cobweb brush for ceilings

Start from the ceiling, from the left, so you can be methodical. Use a cobweb brush for ceilings.

A squeezed out damp cloth is best for ornaments. If it's dry, you're just pushing dust around - you need the dust to adhere to the cloth.

For antique picture frames, use a soft hogshair brush - one for wood and another for metal.

Dust furniture with a very tightly squeezed out soft cloth. Never spray wood directly - spray the cloth. The same rule applies to cleaning windows.

SHINING THE FAMILY SILVER 

Buffing silver with a soft cloth will make it shine

A silver polish foam is less harsh than a liquid. It comes as a solid: you wipe a damp sponge onto it, apply it to the silver, and it builds up a foam as you clean. 

Don’t use a toothbrush if the silver is intricately wrought - use cotton buds. 

Then wash the item in warm water and liquid detergent, and dry. Use a soft, lint-free cloth to buff it - it’s the buffing that makes the difference.

theenglishmanner.com