Silly Mummy did not plan to write this post, due to concerns that it was not quite appropriate. Well, it probably is not quite appropriate; being, as it is, a tale of awfully (albeit entirely inadvertently) inappropriate behaviour from The Toddler. But then Silly Mummy thought: who doesn’t like to hear that a child who is not theirs has been showing up a parent who is not them?
So, The Toddler has a bad habit. Throwing food, you ask? No. (Waste food? What crazy talk is this?) Biting? No. (We have yet to reach that milestone.) Picking her nose, you say? No. (Well, yes actually, but that’s not what this is about. No, this is much worse). The Toddler has a habit of accidentally, entirely unwittingly, appearing a little bit, well, how shall we say this? Politically incorrect.
Yes, that’s right: we have a problem with being accidentally terribly un-pc. Silly Mummy is led to believe that other people’s toddlers embarrass them with public discussions about poo. Questions about the exact location from whence baby siblings came. A firm belief that they have located some amazing strawberry flavoured balloons next to the pregnancy testing kits in Boots. That sort of thing. The Toddler does none of these things. She simply comes out with perfectly innocent phrases and behaviours that sound, rather unfortunately, like racist slurs.
Makka Pakka
So, The Toddler likes In the Night Garden. (Of course. A creature of indeterminate origin – apparently lost at sea for reasons that are never explained – turns up in a garden populated by a girl who likes to lift her skirt up, some other equally indeterminate creatures whose trousers inexplicably match their bums, and some very tiny wooden people with rather shady neighbours. What’s not to love? But this is beside the point.) Initially, The Toddler would talk about ‘Piggle’ and ‘Daisy’, but soon her interests progressed to Makka Pakka. Her speech, however, did not progress quite so rapidly to Makka Pakka. The actual word The Toddler used for Makka Pakka will not be written here. Suffice it to say, she ignored the ‘Makka’ element entirely, whilst for ‘Pakka’ employing the common toddler device of turning the end of all words into an ‘ee’ sound. This unfortunate version of Makka Pakka’s name would be loudly shouted whenever The Toddler saw anything to do with In the Night Garden. Cue avoidance of all shops selling In the Night Garden merchandise. It would also be shouted loudly whenever The Toddler thought about In the Night Garden. This could occur at any time. Cue avoidance of leaving the house. After a while, The Toddler progressed to saying the ‘Makka’ part. This did not vastly improve the situation. However, Silly Mummy is pleased to report that she did eventually learn to say ‘Pakka’. With an ‘a’. (Possibly due to Silly Mummy’s repeated sobbing of, ‘It’s Pakka! WITH AN A!’)
The hospital and the beard
This one goes back a bit further. (Yes, this has been a concerted and long running campaign by The Toddler to make Silly Mummy look really, really bad.) When Silly Mummy was towards the end of her pregnancy with The Baby, and The Toddler was about 13 or 14 months old (a new toddler, in fact), much time was spent waiting in the hospital for extra scans and Consultant appointments. On one particular occasion, the appointments were running very behind, and The Toddler and Silly Mummy had been in the Maternity Outpatients waiting room for many hours. The Toddler had spent most of that time running around the room meeting and greeting total strangers. She had smiled, waved, delivered random toys to random people, tried to eat someone else’s food…all the usual social niceties. She had appointed herself hostess of the waiting room, and she was mingling. Now, it should be noted that, at this time, The Toddler was going through a phase of being deeply upset by men with beards. This was particularly strange as Silly Daddy often had a beard, which she was fine with. However, any man with a beard who was not Daddy was unacceptable. Perhaps The Toddler felt beards were Daddy’s thing. It should also be noted that in the entire time that The Toddler and Silly Mummy were in that waiting room there was only one man with a beard present. Furthermore, in the entire time that The Toddler and Silly Mummy were in that waiting room, there was only one person who was not white present. Yes, they were the same person. Yes, the poor, unsuspecting man saw the friendly, smiley toddler tearing round the room, waving at everyone. Yes, he smiled and waved at her. Yes, she hid behind Silly Mummy and cried. Yes, every time. Slightly awkward. It was the beard. Silly Mummy knew it was the beard. It is unlikely anyone thought it was anything else. Nonetheless, the unfortunate coincidence did sow just a tiny bit of doubt as to what people might think. What is the appropriate protocol in such circumstances? Can one assume that everyone present will obviously conclude that The Toddler is simply upset by beards? Or is it polite to confirm, just for the avoidance of any doubt, that she is not being raised in the KKK?
John Brown’s Baby
Now, The Toddler really likes this song. You may know it: ‘John Brown’s baby has a cold upon his chest. John Brown’s baby has a cold upon his chest. John Brown’s baby has a cold upon his chest. So they rubbed it with camphorated oil.’ The Toddler can now sing most of this song. However, when she first became familiar with (read: Silly Mummy innocently – but ill-advisedly – taught her) the song, she remembered two specific words: ‘brown’ and ‘baby’. She would use these two words to ‘sing’ the song. She would also use them to make demands that the song be sung by Silly Mummy. Just to improve matters, The Toddler’s demands that anything be done were often phrased as, ‘Mummy, get me…’ And this is how Silly Mummy came to be walking through a crowded shopping mall, pushing a double buggy with a toddler in the front yelling, ‘Brown baby! Brown baby! Mummy, brown baby! MUMMY, GET ME BROWN BABY!’ It wasn’t ideal. There were looks.
So there you have it. Anyone can show up Mummy but, with a little extra effort, you can really make her look bad. Why stick with the cliched loud description of how stinky one’s bottom is, when you could be screaming a really offensive racial slur at a supermarket display of toys from a beloved children’s programme? Dare to be different, that’s The Toddler’s motto.
(So, should you ever come across a rather panicked looking lady with two small girls, apparently engaged in an extremely un-pc conversation/absolutely unacceptable discriminatory behaviour, we are terribly sorry! It is not how it looks/sounds.)
This had me laughing from start to end. I’m sorry for finding your embarrassing situation so hilarious, but I just can’t help it. I have this image in my head of an angelic looking child yelling all these racist remarks and you trying to hide haha.
Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes
Debbie
http://www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com
Yes, that is pretty much how it goes! She is angelic looking, but there she is gleefully and innocently making awful comments! Thanks for hosting!
I love your tales of The Toddler. My boys are grown up now, but I remember well their un PC years. #AnythingGoes
Thank you! Well, I’m glad they grow out of the un-pc years! Thanks for reading!
This is another fab post! He He He. It reminds me of when Sylvy was a toddler! Thanks for sharing. This made me laugh!
Angela from http://www.daysinbed.com
Thank you! Glad it made you laugh. Thanks for popping by!
Oh my goodness I am cracking up! I have had a time or two when my kids would blurt out something so inappropriate. I would say the brown baby has to be my favorite of the toddlers inappropriateness! I am visiting you from #AnythingGoes
Kristen
http://mustachesandprincessmom.blogspot.com
Thank you! I’m sure I will have much more inappropriateness still to face! I am SO glad she can do more of that song now – the ‘brown baby’ phase was really not good! Thanks for reading!
I love your stories, they are so hilarious. And that poor man with the beard! LOL
Ah thank you! I know – poor beard man! & I genuinely did not know if it would be worse if I started trying to explain! Thanks for popping by!
Love it. I think the creators of ItNG deliberately made all the characters and vehicles vaguely offensive sounding to embarrass parents. Tyger has not been bad for racial slurs (yet…) but he did call me by my first name for a while and unfortunately mispronounced it as a pretty bad swear word. Cue him shouting to me in public and it sounding like he was just screaming a profanity at the top of his lungs.
Argh! I keep forgetting to tag #AnythingGoes!
Yes, I am suspicious of ITNG too. There is an episode called ‘washing the haahoos’. I think they know full well that does not sound right! Well, I’m now glad my first name can’t sound too bad as The Toddler loves calling me by my name! Have had some dodgy moments when she has yelled ‘bits’ & it has sounded like she has no respect for me, though! Thanks for reading!
Haha, oops. Little boogers have a way of landing us in it, don’t they.
#anythinggoes
They do! Thanks for popping by!
I will never forget some of the things my boys have done and said. Very funny post. Thanks for sharing. It is all part of the fun! Kirsten #anythinggoes
Thanks! Glad other people’s kids are embarrassing them too! Thanks for popping by!
In an effort to stop them repeating the most embarrassing audible remark ever (aka “Look, Mummy, that lady’s got a really fat bottom!”), I sternly informed my children that they were never to make any remarks about ladies’ bottoms ever, or, if they had to say something, they must call it a “lovely bottom”. Next day, in the open-plan family changing rooms at the leisure centre, my eldest loudly remarked (with a big smile on his face for being so good), “Mummy, you have a lovely bottom.” Even when they try to get it right……
Haha! Sorry for laughing at your predicament but I just couldn’t help myself. It’s lovely to see it happens to others because, at times, it feels like your child is the only one who can possibly come out with this priceless stuff.
Just remember, when you’re old and they are caring for you that you can get your own back!
#twinklytuesday
The toddler as Alf Garnett! I always knew Night Garden was iffy, but this proves it. This is fabulous!
This was really funny to read. It reminds me of the time I went with my friend and her kids to the Pembrokeshire show and I was looking after her daughter while mom went to the loo. Her daughter was still wearing nappies at the time and she just took it off threw it up in the air and ended up landing not too far away. This couple gave me the filthiest look. Something did actually land on the floor with the nappy, and a bit later on some bloke steps in it thinking its dog poo. I couldn’t help burst out laughing and getting hysterical over it x
I feel your pain and I think every single parent goes through something like this at some point. My middle daughter who is four, turned to me last week, pointed a some poor Korean kid and told me loudly that he was weird. When I asked why, she said even louder it was because his face was scrunchy. I was mortified. Very funny post.
Thanks for making me laugh again! Loved it. #wine&boobs
Sorry these are hilarious…is it wrong to hope they don’t grow out of it too quickly?! At least there’ll be plenty of material to embarrass them with when they are older!!
Well, what exactly are children for if it’s not for utterly humiliating their parents, hmm? Loved it. #wineandboobs
This had me chuckling and also wanting to come and live in your house for a week, sounds like great fun!! My toddler has started to shout ‘where are you mummy?’ as loud as he can, whilst I’m holding him…Cue worried looks from passers by! So embarrasing
Becky xx
Haha!! I LOVE these little people of ours — they’re so funny aren’t they? My boys have come out with come mortally embarrassing quips — more of those to come, I’m sure of it
Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday — hope to see you again next week! x
Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk
Oh, I’m sorry bit this did make me giggle (and snort!). Kids eh? You got to wonder sometimes, why do we have ’em? 😉
#wineandboobs
Well if there’s anytime you can get away with it it’s when you’re a toddler! Lol.
I work in a nursery and we had a child who loved the book ‘One Mole Digging a Hole’, especially the ‘three bears picking pears’, unfortunately his p’s sounded like f’s, so you can imagine how picking pears sounded, several times a day for several weeks.
Back again from #bigfatlinky
Debbie
http://www.myrandommusings.blogspot.com
It is only a toddler who could say those things – they are so funny though – although embarrassing for you at the time!! I had to chuckle to myself. I bet this is a story The Toddler will be telling round the dinner table one day!
Thanks for sharing #FamJamLinky
Absolutely hilarious! I thought my kiddo was hilarious when describing “fog”, which he pronounced with a “-ck” ending but the mukka pukka incident is much more entertaining! Thanks so much for sharing the giggle #famjamlinky
HORRIFIED! For the same reason i do not take my child to our local Sainsbury’s anymore! so I feel your pain!!!!
This is hysterical. I laugh with you, not at you. When my nephew was learning to talk he struggled to say fork and it sounded like another 4-letter word that starts with f. This was quite the attention getter when in public.
There are actual tears! Brilliant!!
If it helps apparently I also embarrassed mum when I was a very small child by asking a man why he had a ‘dirty face’. My mum was mortified by the whole situation, but apparently the man was brilliant with me.
So you’re not alone!