An A-Z of The Toddler’s favourite, funniest and most misunderstood words.
A is for ‘Armpit’
By which The Toddler means ‘open it’. Present opening on The Toddler’s second birthday had so many armpits it needed deodorant: ‘Daddy, armpit! Armpit, daddy! Daddy, help – armpit!’
B is for ‘Back soon!’
Bedtime now frequently involves: ‘Night night, Mummy. Back soon!’ No, The Toddler is not telling Silly Mummy to come back soon – she is informing Silly Mummy that she herself will be back soon. In about 12 hours, to be precise. Other ‘back soon’ situations include:
‘Bye bye, Mummy, back soon!’
‘Sweetheart, you’ve gone to the playpen. I’m sitting next to the playpen.’
‘Yes. Back soon!’
C is for ‘Cuggle’ and ‘Come on!’
The Toddler loves cuddles. Several times a day she doles out ‘cuggle…aaahh’ to each person present in turn. There is a good chance The Toddler believes ‘cuddleaaahh’ is actually the word.
Since The Baby learnt to crawl, it has gradually dawned on The Toddler that she can take The Baby everywhere. Thus, several times a day, The Toddler can be found marching purposefully to nowhere in particular calling, ‘Come on, The Baby! Quick quick!’ Should The Baby fail to follow, The Toddler will return and try to pick her up. The Baby will give The Toddler a look of polite bemusement, and remain stubbornly planted on her bum.
D is for ‘Dropit’ and ‘Don’t’
‘Dropit’ has a dual meaning. Firstly, the obvious ‘dropped it’. This is often accompanied by ‘oh dear me’ (see also O), ‘oops’, ‘uh oh’ and ‘sorry’ (see also S). Secondly, the less obvious ‘threw it and everyone saw me, but dropped it is much more innocent’. This is also usually accompanied by the likes of ‘oops’ and ‘sorry’ (in order to maintain the ‘dropped it’ story).
‘Don’t’ is a nice variation on ‘no’ (see also N). It is most commonly shouted whilst The Toddler is doing something we don’t do, in order to demonstrate that she is aware that we don’t do it. Also, when The Baby is misbehaving. The Baby literally laughs in the face of ‘don’t’.
E is for ‘End’
The Toddler takes skipping to the end of books to the extreme: ‘Each Peach Pear Plum…The End…Take it away!’ (http://risforhoppit.uk/reading/)
F is for ‘Five Little Monkeys’ and ‘Find it’
‘Five Little Monkeys’ (‘Five Little Monkeys…Bouncy Bed…Fall down…Bump head…Mum call doctor said…NO more monkey bouncy on the BED!’) is a favourite song. The Toddler launches into it at random several times most days (and when faced with a doctor. (http://risforhoppit.uk/five-little-monkeys/))
The Toddler is a big fan of finding any missing item immediately. Not herself, of course: The Toddler’s role is mainly to issue instructions and oversee. This involves shouting, ‘Mummy, find it!’ Missing items may include Grandma. Mummy (putting down phone): ‘Grandma’s not in at the moment.’
The Toddler: ‘Mummy, find her!’
G is for ‘Gruffalo’
The Toddler is able to provide a concise summary of ‘The Gruffalo’: ‘Gruffalo! Where going brown mouse? Where going brown mouse? Where going brown mouse? The end!’ (See also E)
H is for ‘Hoppit’ and ‘Hoover’
‘Hoppit’ is, of course, ‘rabbit’ (see also R). No word yet on whether talking too much is ‘hoppiting on’.
‘Hoover’ is the solution to all ‘messy’. Therefore, The Toddler can be found during dirty nappy changes suggesting, ‘Ooh, messy – hoover!’
I is for ‘I’m okay, thanks, Mummy’ and ‘In here! Put it in here!’
The Toddler is now a sophisticated lady about town, who responds to enquiries about her health and general well-being with, ‘I’m okay, thanks, Mummy.’
‘In here! Put it in here!’ is important for such standard, reasonable requests as putting The Toddler’s raisins in her magnifying glass.
J is for ‘Jump’
‘Jump’ requires very little explanation. Jumping is, as all toddlers know, the primary method of getting from one place to another.
K is for ‘Keep’
As in: ‘Nooo! Me keep! Me keep a Mummy’s phone!’ Or (when Silly Mummy comes to remove The Toddler’s bib following lunch): ‘Keep a bib…yoghurt?’ (See also Y)
L is for ‘Love you’ and ‘Look’
The Toddler is selective about ‘love you’. Mostly she loves The Baby.
Silly Mummy: ‘Night night. Love you. Can you say love you?’
The Toddler: ‘Love The Baby!’
Daddy: ‘Do you love Mummy too?’
The Toddler: ‘No! Love The Baby!’
Silly Mummy: ‘Okay then! Night night. Love you.’
The Toddler: ‘…Love Mummy’.
As for ‘look’, well, everyone must look at all times. No exceptions. Even if you’re a cat: ‘Jump! Look, Cat – jump! Jump, jump, jump! Look, Cat!’ The cat does not look. A pause. ‘Look, Mummy!’
M is for ‘More gain’ and ‘Mine’
The Toddler hasn’t taken up creating motivational slogans. She means ‘more again!’ She likes to make doubly clear that the activity in question will be repeated.
‘Mine’ is a word used to denote raisin possession.
N is for ‘No’
Variations include ‘nooey’, a special version of ‘no’ reserved for when The Toddler is ramping up to a full blown tantrum for reasons unknown. ‘Nooey’ is to be screeched in response to any request that The Toddler do anything, particularly if the activity she is being asked to undertake is something she was begging to do only moments before.
O is for ‘Oh dear me’
As in: ‘Dropit! Oh dear me!’
P is for ‘Pease’ and ‘Peekaboo’
‘Pease’ is a powerful word created for the purpose of obtaining more raisins.
‘Peekaboo’ is a game that involves throwing various items over The Baby’s head and seeing if she removes them. If she does, The Toddler shouts ‘peekaboo’ and claps. If she does not, The Toddler pretends to know nothing about why The Baby is patiently sitting under a box/muslin.
Q is for ‘Quack’
(Singing) ‘Sarah and duck: quack!’ (Someone spent a long time on that theme tune!)
R is for ‘Hoppit’ (of course) and ‘Raisys’
As it would take too long to explain here, for anyone wondering why R is for hoppit, thinking Silly Mummy’s spelling is atrocious, or just realising that they have automatically corrected to ‘rabbit’ in their head, please see here: http://risforhoppit.uk/r-is-for-hoppit/
Harmonious Toddler-Mummy relations are based almost entirely upon complex raisin treaties. The currency is also raisins. The exchange rate varies, but usually it is roughly one box of raisins to one agreement to get in the pushchair so we can actually go home.
S is for ‘Sorry’ and ‘Sit down here!’
Many of The Toddler’s ‘sorrys’ are for things other people have done. To this day, it is not known whether The Toddler (a) frequently apologises when she was not at fault, or (b) just likes to inform others of the apology she feels they should be giving. Silly Mummy accidentally bumps into The Toddler. The Toddler exclaims, ‘Sorry, Mummy!’ Is she apologising for her arm selfishly minding its own business in the space where Silly Mummy’s knee evidently wanted to be, or is she informing Silly Mummy that Silly Mummy should be sorry? Silly Mummy just does not know. The Toddler is either the sweetest, most accommodating child ever, or a master of sarcasm.
‘Sit down here’ is a command frequently employed to compel random confused strangers, in various unlikely locations, to sit down in a very specific place in order that The Toddler can serve them imaginary ‘cake and carrot’ (no, she does not mean ‘carrot cake’). It is likely the cake and carrot will be ‘hot’. The stranger will therefore be blown on. The cat and The Baby are also frequent recipients of the ‘sit down here’ command. The cat and The Baby deal with the command in an identical fashion: they sit down somewhere else. (Not together. The Baby is in love with the cat. The cat does not feel the same way. It’s awkward.)
T is for ‘Tick tock’ and ‘Tea cup’
The Toddler is obsessed with ‘tick tock’ – and all things clock related – to the extent that Silly Mummy suspects she might be Captain Hook. Silly Mummy blames ‘Hickory Dickory Dock’. Which Grandma introduced. Silly Mummy blames Grandma.
The Toddler is also obsessed with tea, tea cups and ‘Tea for Two’. Which Grandma introduced. Silly Mummy blames Grandma. Cafes cannot be passed without The Toddler yelling ‘tea cup’, and insisting on going in so she can make Silly Mummy drink tea.
U is for ‘Up’
‘Up there!’ This is where The Toddler knows all the fun stuff is kept.
V is for ‘Bus’
Well, ‘van’, but van is too subtle a distinction for The Toddler. Everything is a car or a bus.
W is for ‘What’s that?’, ‘Where is it?’, ‘Who’s this?’ and ‘Wake up!’
What, where, who: The Toddler’s favourite questions. No one expects The Toddler Inquisition.
The Toddler likes to pretend to be asleep. She has learnt to do pretend snoring. When she is quite sure everyone is convinced she is asleep (despite the fact that her eyes are open, she is standing up and she is giggling), she bounces around and screams, ‘Wake up!’
X is for
Well, x-actly nothing. The Toddler does not yet know ‘xylophone’.
Y is for ‘Yoghurt’
The Toddler loves yoghurt. The Toddler knows to phrase requests carefully. The magic word when asking for raisins may be ‘please’, but the magic word when asking for yoghurt is clearly ‘spoon’. (http://risforhoppit.uk/yoghurt-spoon/) A toddler has to be practical.
Z is for ‘Stripey Horse’