Rowan Pelling advises on a husband who's faking passion in bed

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This lady's husband told her he never wants to have sex again
She is disappointed, and was shocked when he told her
Rowan advises talking sensitively to him

Published: 19:43 EST, 24 January 2016 | Updated: 20:57 EST, 24 January 2016

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QUESTION: My husband and I have enjoyed an active sex life into our 60s, even if it's slowed down recently. So I was shocked when he told me he wouldn't be troubled if he never had sex again and that, now, his main motivation is wanting to make me happy. How can I make him understand making love is not fulfilling if it's one-sided?

ANSWER: We place so much emphasis on honesty in our relationships that it's easy to forget there are times when too much truth is brutal.

Your husband's revelation is a perfect example. He's told you that the reason he continues to make love to you is because he's mindful of your happiness.

Rowan advises talking plainly about what no sex would mean in your relationship - and making choices about it

However, finer consideration of your feelings would have meant never saying something so tactless. He seems unaware he's effectively told you he's been feigning passion for some time, which is pretty insulting.

You need to sit your husband down and explain your dilemma. Of course, he may say he's been scrupulously uxorious: after all, he's kept pleasuring you despite feeling no longing for sex.

Yet depriving you of his true feelings is, in itself, a form of cheating. Ask your spouse if he'd be willing to see a doctor about his lack of interest in sex. Is it possible he's depressed, overweight, suffering heart problems, drinking too much, or taking medication - all of which can have an effect upon libido?

Now you're putting all your cards on the table, ask if there is anything you can do to help him feel more aroused - if he's prepared to be more engaged.

Of course, it's possible that your husband has simply moved on to a phase of his life where sex is no longer of much interest.

If so, you'll have a tough choice to consider. Do you join him in sexual retirement? I know this sounds unappealing. But this way, you're making a decision about your sex life, rather than your husband choosing for you.