Body Acceptance - How Do I Get There?
Let's face it: no one has the perfect body. We all wish we could change something about ourselves. We know body image and our perception of our body is closely linked with our self-esteem, and body image issues don't except any group.
Read more about increasing self-esteem here.
To get to the root of body acceptance, we have to look at body image.
Read more about body image here.
Body image is basically how we see ourselves. It is our view that is generated and shaped by our experiences and our societal norms. In some cultures it's bad to be fat, in others, it's bad to be skinny. Being too light or too dark. Too something or not enough of something else.
Positive body image is when a person generally likes their body and feels good about it more often than not. It's less about what you look like and more about how you feel about how you look. Confidence, pride, and joy.
Negative body image is when you view your body as not meeting a standard that you or someone else sets, and it fails to meet that expectation. Negative body image robs us of the ability to see ourselves for who we are, rather, we see ourselves for our flaws.
A big part of body acceptance is learning how to turn our negative body image in to positive body image, and thus accepting our bodies for what they are.
The Key Is "Radical Acceptance"
Radical acceptance is a tricky concept. The idea behind it is that we resist and judge fact. For example, say you find that your bedroom is painted purple. You hate purple. You rage, and cry and scream about how unfair it is that you have a purple room.
Radical acceptance is stopping and saying, yes my room is purple.
This sentence is the key to unlocking radical acceptance. When you accept the room for what it is, then you can change it. You can paint the room. If you put all your energy in to raging against it and fighting it, you can't make changes. Instead, stop and describe the situation neutrally.
Apply this concept to body, say for example that you think you are too fat. There are probably other judgmental words you associate - lazy, gross, ugly, pathetic. These words are the same as raging against the purple wall. You're fighting yourself.
Instead, describe your body neutrally with fact, rather than judgmental statements. My nose is larger than average. I have freckles. My hair is frizzy. My stomach is larger than I'd like.
Taking pause and re-framing your mentality allows you to let go of all the negative emotion around your body. It reduces the pressure and allows you to see your body as your body.
Baby Steps To Accept Your Body:
Once you've learned to accept how your body actually is, you can begin "turning your mind." Start looking for things you like or are proud of. I like my calves. I like my eyes. I like the color of my hair. Build on that.
Set goals: When setting goals, keep in mind to start really really small. If you start with "I want to lose 80 pounds!" It will be harder to get there. Instead start with, something like, I'm going to go for a 30 minute walk once a week. Make it special you time, or time with a friend or loved one.
Validate validate validate: Validation is basically self-confirmation. I would bet that you're an expert at validation. Validation comes in many forms. "See? I told you I couldn't do it." "I'll never make it." "I'll always be X." Recognizing how you validate yourself is as important as the validation itself. Start using positive self-talk instead. "My hair looks great today!" "My outfit is really flattering." "I've walked every day this week." "I can do this." "I am worth it."
PRACTICE: Trust me. Self-talk can sound so trite and fake. You have to practice it all the time, and eventually it will start to feel more natural, and after that be natural. It's important to practice when you're happy, when you're sad, so that you learn to trust it all the time. Practice practice practice.
Get objective: This is probably one of the hardest parts about having an insecure grasp on your body acceptance. One way is to go people-watching with friends. Find someone you think looks like you and ask your friend. Discuss it objectively (NO JUDGMENT). Find pictures or examples of people who look like you.
Here are some examples of goals and self-talk:
- Start walking. Even if it's for ten minutes at a time.
- Find ways to compete with yourself, so that you take pride in your activities.
- Spend time doing things that make you feel good.
- Get feedback from others.
- "I can do this."
- "I am me."
- "I am [objective description]. I will do [choice] to
- Reduce the things that make you feel negatively.
- Focus on the happy.
Find more self-talk examples here, and here.
Additional Pages On Band Back Together:
Additional Body Acceptance Resources:
MyBodyGallery - Website collection of real women. Search by weight and height to see others in that category.
BodyLoveWellness.com - Website with information about what body acceptance is and how to achieve it.
Counseling Center of the University of Illinois - Webpage about the societal factors of body acceptance, crash diets, and how to combat negative image.