'They are as dense as dying stars!' Crazy Ex-Girlfriend star Rachel Bloom jiggles her DD breasts as she performs comical song about how women deal with 'heavy boobs' 

  • Rachel, 28, is the Golden Globe-winning star and co-creator of The CW's musical show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
  • On Monday night's episode, she sang a song called Heavy Boobs about what it's like to be weighed down by big breasts
  • She says her breasts are 'dense like dying stars' and have been known to trap food that falls out when she gets undressed
  • In the clip from the show, she and her back-up dancers bounce around — until realizing how much it hurts at the end of the song

Still on its first season, the hit CW show Crazy Ex-Girlfriend has already turned out plenty of viral videos from its creator and star, Rachel Bloom — and now the 28-year-old funny lady has produced an anthem for chesty girls everywhere. 

Blessed herself with a pair of DDs, Rachel promises that she's not 'b****in' bout her boobies' — but she does note quite a few reasons they're not always a joy to have.

Complete with bounce-tastic dance moves and low-cut shirts, the two-minute clip from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend's March 28's episode has quickly earned an enthusiastic response from fans of the show, as well as non-viewers who are likely to start binge-watching it as soon as it hits Netflix.

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The girl's got it: Rachel Bloom, 28, the Golden Globe-winning co-creator and star of The CW's Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, shows off her ample assets to full effect as she performs a new song about 'heavy boobs'
The girl's got it: Rachel Bloom, 28, the Golden Globe-winning co-creator and star of The CW's Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, shows off her ample assets to full effect as she performs a new song about 'heavy boobs'

The girl's got it: Rachel Bloom, 28, the Golden Globe-winning co-creator and star of The CW's Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, shows off her ample assets to full effect as she performs a new song about 'heavy boobs'

Musical number: On Monday night's episode, she sang a song called Heavy Boobs about her chest

Musical number: On Monday night's episode, she sang a song called Heavy Boobs about her chest

Ouch! She explained that even though her breasts look great in a T-shirt, they have drawbacks — including the fact that they could hurt someone

Ouch! She explained that even though her breasts look great in a T-shirt, they have drawbacks — including the fact that they could hurt someone

They're huge: In the video, she says each of her DD-cup breasts is the size of a toddler's head

They're huge: In the video, she says each of her DD-cup breasts is the size of a toddler's head

The girl's got it: Rachel was elated when she picked up a Golden Globe for Best TV Comedy Actress

The girl's got it: Rachel was elated when she picked up a Golden Globe for Best TV Comedy Actress

The song, called Heavy Boobs, isn't a random non sequitur or chance for gratuitous chest shots. In the episode, Rachel's character Rebecca is trying on bridesmaid dresses when another character, Valenica, remarks enviously on her chest size.

Rebecca then breaks into song to explain why having big, heavy boobs can sometimes be a drag. 

'I got them heavy boobs, heavy boobs, dense like dying stars. I got them heavy boobs, heavy boobs, I can't run real far,' she sings as the musical number starts, standing in line with four dancers dressed in matching cutoff shorts and colorful low-cut T-shirts.

Each of the chesty ladies also seems to be wearing an ill-fitting bra to create maximum bounce as they dance around and, comically, show off their assets.

Changing into a lab coat, she sings to the camera: 'Let me break down what I just said: Each of my double D's has the volume of a toddler's head.  

Go-to tactic: All that movement can make it difficult to run, as she and her dancers demonstrate the way that many big-breasted girls run by holding their breasts in place with their arms

Go-to tactic: All that movement can make it difficult to run, as she and her dancers demonstrate the way that many big-breasted girls run by holding their breasts in place with their arms

True story: She even jokes that they've each written their own memoir, highlighting that one is bigger than the other (as is true for most women)

True story: She even jokes that they've each written their own memoir, highlighting that one is bigger than the other (as is true for most women)

Jackpot! She sings about how food gets stuck in her bra before dramatizing it by lifting her bra up — to allow candy to tumble to the floor

Jackpot! She sings about how food gets stuck in her bra before dramatizing it by lifting her bra up — to allow candy to tumble to the floor

Storage: Rachel lists all of the things she can fit under her breasts, including pencils and books

Storage: Rachel lists all of the things she can fit under her breasts, including pencils and books

'Not b****in' bout my boobies, they look super fly in shirts, but if I swung them in your face, you'd be like "omigod that hurts".'

She then hilariously demonstrates by knocking her chest into the face of another dancer before breaking into the 'heavy boobs' chorus again.  

'They each have their own memoirs,' she adds this time, holding up two books. The first, over her right breast, is titled 'Large and in Charge', while the second, over her left breast, is called 'Slightly Smaller Than the Right'.

Then, in case you anyone thought the dancers jumping around and letting their breasts bounce was sexy, Rachel puts an end to that fast.  

'What you gotta know is that boobs may be where it's at, but if you cut them open they're just sacks of yellow fat,' she sings. 'Stuff falls into my bra, it's a little bit of a drag, but when I got to bed at night it's like opening a Mary Poppins bag.' 

Not so sexy, huh? She reminds viewers why big breasts are so heavy, noting that they're really just storing lots of fat

Not so sexy, huh? She reminds viewers why big breasts are so heavy, noting that they're really just storing lots of fat

Playing it up: She and her dancers wear low-cut shirts and seemingly ill-fitting bras to maximize how much their breasts bounce

Playing it up: She and her dancers wear low-cut shirts and seemingly ill-fitting bras to maximize how much their breasts bounce

Breaking it down: She repeatedly says her breasts are 'dense like dying stars', which she explains with this bit of science

Breaking it down: She repeatedly says her breasts are 'dense like dying stars', which she explains with this bit of science

That was a mistake! At the end of the song, the women all moan and hold their breasts, which hurt after so much bouncing around

That was a mistake! At the end of the song, the women all moan and hold their breasts, which hurt after so much bouncing around

She demonstrates again, lifting her bra and allowing candy to fall out onto the ground like a piñata. The back-up dancers gleefully run to pick it up like kids at a birthday party.

'Here is a list of all of the objects that I can hold under my boobs,' she goes on, stuffing each of the following objects into her shirt: 'Stapler, ten pencils, paperback copy of Arabian Nights, dog bowl, remote control, hard back copy of Wuthering Heights'.

Finally, in case anyone was confused by that 'dense like dying stars' reference, she quickly rattles off the science behind it, explaining how a dying star turns into a dense white dwarf star.

She then erupts into once last chorus, dancing and singing one more time before the song ends. When the music stops, though, the upbeat attitude evaporates as she and her backup dancers realize that all of that dancing and bouncing around was a bad idea — because now their chests hurt.

Showing it off: In January, Rachel shared a video of herself getting ready for the Golden Globes in her Spanx

Showing it off: In January, Rachel shared a video of herself getting ready for the Golden Globes in her Spanx

Not comfy: In the funny video, she says she is wearing 'Spanx and a corset' but admits she 'can't breathe'

Not comfy: In the funny video, she says she is wearing 'Spanx and a corset' but admits she 'can't breathe'

Several of Rachel's clips from the show have found popularity on the internet, especially since the star took home an Golden Globe earlier this year.

In fact, a homemade video she took before the award show went viral, too, showing her dancing in just her Spanx while getting ready.

In the short clips, she wiggles and sings a song that she made up on the spot about her red carpet undergarments.

'It's the sexy Golden Globe-y song, the sexy Golden Globe-y song,' she sings while sexily thrusting her chest forward.

'Spanx and a corset, Spanx and a corset,' she continues, before finally admitting to the camera: 'I can't breathe!'

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