We haven't had sex for months: Rowan Pelling advises on a sexual dilemma 

  • Sex columnist Rowan Pelling gives a reader advice about sex
  • This reader hasn't slept with her husband for five months
  • Rowan advises opening the lines of communication between them 

By Rowan Pelling for the Daily Mail

Published: 20:15 EST, 3 January 2016 | Updated: 20:14 EST, 3 January 2016

Question: My husband and I have always had a good sex-life despite child-rearing and work crises. But over the past year, we have drifted into some kind of impasse. He seemed distracted and I was worrying about the kids' exams. Suddenly I realised we hadn't had sex for five months, but we haven't spoken about it. What should we do?

Answer: The fact you and your husband have enjoyed such an easy, uncomplicated love-life in the past may be (strange to say) at the root of your problem. You've had no reason to fret about physical intimacy, so never developed a strategy for talking about those issues.

But if you don't talk about them - and swiftly - you run the risk of escalating them. You both seem to be waiting for the other to initiate some form of lovemaking. Someone has to be brave. I suggest that's you.

Rowan says that communication is the key to a good sex life - and that the reader's will come back, with time

Rowan says that communication is the key to a good sex life - and that the reader's will come back, with time

Pack the children off to friends or relatives for the night and start the conversation. Don't make a lack of sex sound like an accusation, just an observation.

The crucial thing is to stress how much you adore making love and that the current hiatus has nothing to do with lack of attraction. If you're lucky, loving words and desire will be all that's needed.

If he responds with equal passion, seize the moment.

At least you have some clear understanding about why you retreated from sex. What's stranger is that you have no idea why your husband has lost his mojo. You say he's 'distracted', but you haven't said why.

If you don't know why, brace yourself for the unpalatable option. Could he be distracted by thoughts of someone else? Some people would rather withdraw from intimacy than tell their partner something hurtful.

But five months is next to nothing in terms of an erotic impasse. Sort it out now and I'd put money on you having a glorious New Year.

 

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