JAN MOIR: Oh oh woe! We'll never see a Bond as sexy as this again 

There comes a moment, in the life of every spy, when he must come in from the cold. For Daniel Craig, that moment came this week, when the 48-year-old actor declared he was ‘done’ playing James Bond. Done, done, done!

I tell you what is done, oh Danny boy — my aching heart. For Craig has ignored the entreaties of his fans and turned down £68 million to appear in the next two films, which suggests he must have been desperate to slip from his human Bond-age.

Certainly, he had started moaning about it a lot. Too much!

Daniel Craig (pictured in 2005 when it was announced he had won the role) declared he was ¿done¿ playing James Bond this week

Daniel Craig (pictured in 2005 when it was announced he had won the role) declared he was ‘done’ playing James Bond this week

The chiselled hunk would boast about doing all his own stunts, then complain about the knee injury that ensued.

He would whine that Bond was too misogynistic for modern tastes, and seemed to want to recast him as some kind of vegan metrosexual who liked to empathise with the chicks, instead of bedding them all like daffodil bulbs, as is traditional.

Thankfully, that milksop transformation never happened. Instead, Craig managed to imbue the world’s most famous spy with a raw shot of aggression and pure physicality — but also made him modern and complex.

Craig’s Bond was a true patriot; the kind of trained killer who was dangerous but also, you know, decent. And I like that he took it all so darned seriously.

No wonder that a lot of female interest was sharpened by this contemporary portrayal of the celebrated MI6 operative. Not least of all because, for the first time, Bond’s ladykiller reputation was justified — and convincing.

Women believed that women really would fall for him in an instant. Just try to stop us even if, way back at the beginning, the omens were less than promising.

For a start, a blond Bond? It was unthinkable. And his ears were too far down his head, like a mouse. Craig was also a bit of a shorty who looked like Mr Potato Head from some angles and had an odd habit of pouting at the most inopportune moments.

Jan Moir points out the actor (in 2012's Skyfall, above) had started moaning about the role 'a lot. Too much!'

Jan Moir points out the actor (in 2012's Skyfall, above) had started moaning about the role 'a lot. Too much!'

Plus there seemed to be scant glamour and a distinct lack of upper-class polish from the man who starred in gangster flick Layer Cake and once dated Kate Moss. Even more worrying; in some of his first Bond publicity shots, he looked like an elf in a dinner jacket.

Then Casino Royale was released in 2006, and all bets were off.

For Daniel Craig has been an absolute sensation as James Bond, his thrillingly intense depiction of the super spy making all the others look like weary fakers or jocular twerps who were too hung up on their exploding pens and Bond girls in cat suits to do the genre justice.

And now this. It seems far too soon for Craig to hand up Bond’s Walther PPK and sprint off into the sunset, but there is no turning back now.

With a natural heir — in the shape of Tom Hiddleston — already waiting in the wings, we are clearly approaching the end of a Bond era.

Craig feels that he has done his time in the spy trenches and who could blame him?

In the meantime, millions of Dan-fans have been plunged into a Bondish bereavement, mourning the fact that our boy will never again climb into his too-tight tux to order a martini, to pout like a sulky duckling and to save the world without breaking sweat.

Here are just some of the reasons why we are going to miss him so much . . .

Daniel¿s famous Ursula Andress moment came in Casino Royale, as he stepped out of the surf and along the beach in a pair of skimpy blue trunks

Daniel’s famous Ursula Andress moment came in Casino Royale, as he stepped out of the surf and along the beach in a pair of skimpy blue trunks

The Most Buff Bond Ever

Craig was the seventh screen James Bond and he worked out more than the other six put together. The result was a superspy superstructure, a totally buffed bod complete with the most magnificent arms since Popeye first swung a can of spinach.

His bulging biceps made predecessors such as Pierce ‘Chest Hair’ Brosnan and Roger ‘Eyebrows’ Moore look like weeds by comparison.

He could knock a man out cold, they couldn’t knock the skin off an olive.

Those Budgie Smugglers

Daniel’s famous Ursula Andress moment came in Casino Royale, as he stepped out of the surf and along the beach in a pair of skimpy blue trunks. Or a pair of La Perla Grigioperla Lodato square-leg swimshorts from the spring summer 2006 collection, to be precise. The avian contrabrand captors sold out instantly, but pairs still occasionally turn up on eBay for large sums of money.

There was no plot reason for 007 to walk across the beach in this get-up, but we are all ever so grateful he did.

Yes, It Is A Gun In His Pocket

Daniel insisted on fewer sex scenes than in previous Bond adventures. Just as well, as his seduction technique is thrillingly non-existent. He just appears, and women float into his arms like untethered balloons.

In Spectre, Monica Belluci was a grieving widow who just buried her husband — what better distraction than a quickie with Bond after the funeral? In Skyfall, the pest interrupts Bérénice Marlohe’s shower time — and she hadn’t even lost her soap.

Daniel's Bond was not afraid to break the mould in a way that appalled purists. There is a moment in Skyfall when Oik Oik Seven ditches the spy¿s traditional martini and relaxes with a glass of Heineken lager instead

Daniel's Bond was not afraid to break the mould in a way that appalled purists. There is a moment in Skyfall when Oik Oik Seven ditches the spy’s traditional martini and relaxes with a glass of Heineken lager instead

The Things He Says

‘I can’t find the stationery. Can you come and help me look?’ His way of getting Gemma Arterton into his bedroom in Spectre.

‘I like you better without your Beretta.’ Whispered to Bérénice in the shower (see above).

‘I’m sorry I’m not sorry.’ Could be his mantra.

‘It was only four ribs and some of the less vital organs. Nothing major.’ When colleague Naomie Harris apologies for accidentally shooting him.

‘I have no armour left. You’ve stripped it from me. Whatever is left of me, whatever I am, I’m yours.’ To Eva Green, when they fall in love.

Random Excitements

In Skyfall, Daniel disguises himself by wearing a chauffeur’s uniform.

Daniel insisted on fewer sex scenes than in previous Bond adventures. Just as well, as his seduction technique is thrillingly non-existent. He just appears, and women float into his arms like untethered balloons

Daniel insisted on fewer sex scenes than in previous Bond adventures. Just as well, as his seduction technique is thrillingly non-existent. He just appears, and women float into his arms like untethered balloons

Cheers To The Memories

Not afraid to break the mould in a way that appalled purists. There is a moment in Skyfall when Oik Oik Seven ditches the spy’s traditional martini and relaxes with a glass of Heineken lager instead.

In Casino Royale, Dan the Man specifies a martini made with gin and vodka, yuk. In Spectre he has a dirty martini while attending a party with Leya Sedoux.

However, he drinks Bollinger champagne more than anything else (three times in Spectre) and, as always, has a glass of Macallan malt whisky on the go, the only outward sign of inner Bond turmoil.

A Respectable Assassin

He kills on average 12.6 people in each film. That’s fewer kills than Pierce Brosnan (21.25 per film) but more than Roger Moore and Sean Connery, who killed about seven each outing.

No Need For Boy Toys

He had no truck with trucks that turned into submarines or a camera that was really a laser missile. He did resort to a self-applying in-car defibrillator in Casino Royale, but only because Villain Le Chiffre’s girlfriend had just served him a poisoned cocktail and things were desperate. He lived to die another day. But now he’s gone for ever.

 
Model Bella Hadid was clearly keen to get noticed when she appeared at Cannes

Model Bella Hadid was clearly keen to get noticed when she appeared at Cannes

Why Bella's dress is a no Cannes do

The world’s top movie stars congregate at the Cannes Film Festival every year. This week George, Julia, Blake, Naomi and Kristen were all there. But — uh oh — who is this clacking up along the red carpet in the highest of heels and the scantiest of outfits?

Why, it’s model Bella Hadid, who is clearly keen to get noticed.

Every year, ambitious starlets try to outdo each other in the over-exposure stakes at Cannes — and this year Bella trumped them all with the nearest thing I’ve ever seen to an un-dress.

Comprised of just a few wisps of fabric slung from a central belt, it made Bella look like a Maypole following a thunderstorm.

You couldn’t eat, sit, sneeze or wear underwear in it and a wayward sea breeze would have meant everyone hailing her Caesar.

USA Today called Bella’s Alexandre Vauthier dress ‘The Slit That Conquered Cannes’. Which sounds rather magnificent and just a bit vulgar — exactly li

 

How Robin became the first lady of equal pay

After complaining to her bosses, the actress Robin Wright got equal pay on the Netflix hit House Of Cards. If only it was so easy for the rest of us! However, I had imagined the Hollywood star system worked in a much more complicated way.

For is Robin, fine actress though she is, really as much of a draw or as well-known as her co-star Kevin Spacey?

The pair played American president Frank Underwood and his steely wife Claire. He was the Machiavellian plotter, she was the Lady Macbeth of the White House, with a killer wardrobe to match.

After complaining to her bosses, the actress Robin Wright got equal pay on the Netflix hit House Of Cards. Pictured: Robin with her co-star Kevin Spacey in the hit Netflix series

After complaining to her bosses, the actress Robin Wright got equal pay on the Netflix hit House Of Cards. Pictured: Robin with her co-star Kevin Spacey in the hit Netflix series

In a move Claire would approve of, Wright threatened studio bosses with going public unless they agreed to pay her the same money as Spacey.

‘It was the perfect paradigm. There are very few films or TV shows where the male, the patriarch and the matriarch are equal. And they are in House Of Cards,’ she said. ‘I was like: “I want to be paid the same as Kevin.” ’

She believed Claire was the fiscal equal of Frank — but surely it’s not just about the role you play, but the expertise, history and pulling power you bring to a project? No, says Wright, who added that her ‘salary bracket’ had gone down when she took a few years off to raise her children during her marriage to Sean Penn.

Good for her — even if I do think that Robin’s character ruined the last series of House Of Cards.

She turned into a loony feminist who decided that being First Lady was not enough power — she wanted to be vice president, too. Along the way, she slept with the smuggest journalist in Washington, who loped about their private residence with his man bag and bad shoes as if he were part of the family.

It was just too far-fetched, like a president having an affair with an office junior and . . . oh.

 
Abigail Bamber saved the life of a man who had been stabbed in a Bristol street as she passed on her day off

Abigail Bamber saved the life of a man who had been stabbed in a Bristol street as she passed on her day off

Nurse who's the best of the NHS

God bless off-duty nurse Abigail Bamber, who saved the life of a man who had been stabbed on a Bristol street. The 26-year-old was driving back from a day out shopping when she saw him stumbling across the road.

The staff nurse got her friend to pull over as the man collapsed. After discovering he wasn’t breathing, she immediately began CPR, pounding away until she got his heart going again.

Afterwards, she said modestly that she didn’t think twice about helping him. ‘I was in nurse mode and you don’t ever shut that off.’

It¿s good to be reminded that there are so many dedicated, unsung heroes in the NHS, writes Jan Moir

It’s good to be reminded that there are so many dedicated, unsung heroes in the NHS, writes Jan Moir

She added that most people go into nursing because it’s a vocation, not just a job. At a time when all we seem to hear about are carers robbing from the elderly, vulnerable charges and junior doctors going on strike, it’s good to be reminded that there are so many dedicated, unsung heroes in the NHS. Still.

Medics like this young woman in her flip-flops, who got down on her knees on the pavement and did all she could to save a stranger’s life.

Despite her humility, hers was not an easy decision to make. Anything could have gone wrong. She could have been blamed.

Yet she went ahead and did it. What a heroine.

 
Ned Rocknroll, 38, pictured with wife Kate Winslet, went to the High Court more than three years ago to have a ban slapped on publication of photographs taken of him at a party, the alleged contents of the pictures were recently revealed in a major U.S. publication

Ned Rocknroll, 38, pictured with wife Kate Winslet, went to the High Court more than three years ago to have a ban slapped on publication of photographs taken of him at a party, the alleged contents of the pictures were recently revealed in a major U.S. publication

Kate Winslet and her third husband are doing everything in their not inconsiderable power to keep embarrassing photographs of him out of the public domain.

Ned Rocknroll, 38, went to the High Court more than three years ago to have a ban slapped on publication of photographs taken of him at a party; the alleged contents of the pictures were recently revealed in a major U.S. publication.

Apparently, he was being silly and childish while semi-naked. The mind boggles.

The pictures were posted on a Facebook account for ages, but now — married to an Oscar-winning actress with a reputation to keep — he does not want newspapers or magazines publishing them. Why? Their children might get bullied.

How embarrassing can these nude pictures be? More cringe-making than his name, which he changed by deed poll from Abel Smith in 2008? My God, they must be excruciating.

 

The comments below have been moderated in advance.

The views expressed in the contents above are those of our users and do not necessarily reflect the views of MailOnline.

By posting your comment you agree to our house rules.

Who is this week's top commenter? Find out now