Short but not sweet, weird but not wonderful...The romance between Toff and Richard was over before it began on Made In Chelsea, by Jim Shelley 

For once Made In Chelsea did not expect us to care about the problems facing the same old rocky relationships, albeit mostly because it concerned two couples splitting up who weren’t actually together.

Richard and Toff for example had only enjoyed a grand total of one date. Well I say ‘enjoyed’… Their night out dining on sushi was enough to persuade Richard they were ‘not compatible’, not least because, unlike Toff, he did not like sushi.

As for Jamie Laing and Frankie, they had spent the early part of the series shaking off the attentions of Jamie’s stalker Jess and most of their time as an item double-checking with each other if they were really committed to being a couple.

For once Made In Chelsea did not expect us to care about the problems facing the same old rocky relationships, albeit mostly because it concerned two couples splitting up who weren’t actually together

This was premature - like a lot of things with Jamie. His ‘relationships’ are about as substantial as his bon bons. (The sweets he makes that is.) Sure enough, no sooner had Jamie convinced Frankie that she could trust him, it emerged she couldn’t.

It was hardly devastating. For Frankie and Toff, it was more like a narrow escape.

Toff had already declared that Richard was ‘weird’ which as insights go on this show is a bit like saying JP is dense or Louise Thompson is round, orange, and affects to be as posh as the other girls.

Richard and Toff for example had only enjoyed a grand total of one date. Well I say ‘enjoyed’… Their night out dining on sushi was enough to persuade Richard they were ‘not compatible’

Inevitably the night Richard organised made Toff’s cheese-tasting soiree look normal

Toff the tiny toff had dazzled Richard with a black tie Cheese & Wine ‘pardy’, prompting him to suggest they go out for dinner - ‘you know, now that we’ve done the cheese thing.’

Inevitably the night Richard organised made Toff’s cheese-tasting soiree look normal.

The backdrop for their meal was a set of images from ‘the control room of a nuclear reactor’, which he had arranged to be projected on to the wall of the restaurant. As you do…

His reasoning was completely clear – at least in his mind.

The backdrop for their meal was a set of images from ‘the control room of a nuclear reactor’, which he had arranged to be projected on to the wall of the restaurant. As you do…

Bizarrely, even though he had organised the evening, Richard revealed he didn’t like sushi

‘Because I can’t take you to the actual reactor,’ he mumbled, as if this was every girl’s dream. ‘One day it will be completely clean energy !’

If he’d assumed Toff would be seduced by such smooth small talk, he clearly hadn’t seen the programme.

‘But enough about that !’ she chortled, seizing on the arrival of the food to change the subject. ‘Sushi ! My favourite !’

Unwisely, drunkenly, Toff turned the conversation to the time Richard had curtailed their previous attempt at a relationship because he was more interested in Stephanie

Bizarrely, even though he had organised the evening, Richard revealed he didn’t like sushi.

So instead he sat there watching her eat, like a mad scientist conducting an experiment.

Unwisely, drunkenly, Toff turned the conversation to the time Richard had curtailed their previous attempt at a relationship because he was more interested in Stephanie.

‘Why are you looking at me like that?! Can you stop please?!’ she demanded, after a sarcastic impression of his voice. ‘I think it would be very hard for us to spend time together if I kept bringing it up all the time,’ she added, bringing it up. ‘So you know...I’ve drunk quite a lot of wine !’

When Toff told him how much her message had upset her, Richard just stood there, looking at the floor, muttering: ‘we are not compatible’ with all the humanity of a robot that had been programmed like Ken Barlow

‘Have you EVER liked me?!’ Toff demanded in disbelief

At this she downed some more, emptying a glass that was bigger than she was.

As dates go the nasty sneer on Richard’s face confirmed it was an unmitigated disaster.

Sure enough, the next morning Toff awoke to a message from Richard declaring: ‘we both know this isn’t going to work.’

Toff though was confused.

‘It just doesn’t make sense. I know when something’s going well and I know when its going badly !’ she cooed to Jess even though she had been too plastered to know what day it was. ‘He had got sushi ! And he knows I love it and he hates it ! So that was quite cute !’

Quite weird…

‘I just don’t know how I’ve allowed myself to let you do this to me again !’ she lamented. ‘I need to get over you’

‘It was a really wonderful date. And we both enjoyed it !’

The evidence suggested otherwise…

‘As soon as we tried to make it something more, all the fun just went away,’ Richard told Ollie with no trace of disappointment whatsoever. ‘I need to drop it now before we fall out because of it.’

Too late…

When Toff told him how much her message had upset her, Richard just stood there, looking at the floor, muttering: ‘we are not compatible’ with all the humanity of a robot that had been programmed like a creepy, posh, version of Ken Barlow.

Louise weighing up whether to accept Alik’s invitation of a holiday in St Bart’s and pretending there was ever any doubt that she would go - even if it was to break up with him

‘Have you EVER liked me?!’ Toff demanded in disbelief.

‘Yes,’ Richard simpered uncomfortably.

‘And do you like me now?’

‘I don’t feel anything is ever going to work between us,’ he said, which sounded like a ‘No.’

‘I just don’t know how I’ve allowed myself to let you do this to me again !’ she lamented. ‘I need to get over you.’

It didn’t look as if it would take either of them long.

As for Jamie and Frankie’s nascent relationship, things boded badly when she admitted: ‘I find it really hard to trust people. I don’t know why. Nobody’s ever cheated on me !’

Something about Jamie’s expression (petrified with guilt) told you that they would have soon

Elsewhere there was rare footage of Lucy Watson apologizing – or trying to – and Louise weighing up whether to accept Alik’s invitation of a holiday in St Bart’s and pretending there was ever any doubt that she would go - even if it was to break up with him.

As for Jamie and Frankie’s nascent relationship, things boded badly when she admitted: ‘I find it really hard to trust people. I don’t know why. Nobody’s ever cheated on me !’

Something about Jamie’s expression (petrified with guilt) told you that they would have soon.

Every time Jamie met up with Frankie he greeted her by saying: ‘you look really pretty tonight’ – which seemed like a chivalrous compliment but was actually a major indication that he was a duplicitous swine.

Every time Jamie met up with Frankie he greeted her by saying: ‘you look really pretty tonight’ – which seemed like a chivalrous compliment but was actually a major indication that he was a duplicitous swine

His reaction to the rumour that he had ‘hooked up’ with another girl was also a dead giveaway

His reaction to the rumour that he had ‘hooked up’ with another girl was also a dead giveaway.

‘Absolute horse s**t !’ he roared, affronted. ‘I swear to God I’m not lying !’ he repeated, protesting too much by blazing: ‘I am angry. It puts me in a bad light. I find it inappropriate. I find it wrong. Having gone so far and being on the verge of trusting me, she now doesn’t !’

Predictably she was right not to.

He won her round, virtually demanding to hear her tell him that she trusted him, when the trailer for next week’s episode featured him admitting: ‘I kissed a chick’ before adding with perfect timing: ‘Not just a kiss.’

And they say romance is dead.

It certainly seems to be on this show. 

Elsewhere there was rare footage of Lucy Watson apologizing – or trying to