Politics

Donald Trump Drops Out, Claims ‘Joke Has Gone Too Far’

Jun 29, 2016

trumppresidnet Donald Trump dropped out of the presidential race today, shocking political observers and leaving the Republican Party without a presumptive nominee just weeks before its national convention.

At a press conference at Trump Tower in New York this morning the billionaire real estate mogul explained his candidacy had been a joke from the start and chastised Americans for ever supporting his candidacy.

"I can't believe you fucking people thought I was serious," he told the audience."I mean how stupid can you be?"

"Last year I was playing golf with my friend Carl Icahn. And he bets me $100 million that I couldn't win the Republican nomination by acting like a racist asshole. I told him 'Carl, this will be the easiest money I've ever made in my life'

"I had a hell of a time proving Carl wrong. But now I realize that I might actually be president of the United States. I've been trying to get outta this shit for months. I've been trying to lose. But nothing has worked.

"And now? Now I have to drop out. I have no choice. I can't let this happen. Donald J. Trump? President of the United States?"

"Do you really think I'm qualified to lead a country into war? Or to manage the world's largest arsenal of nuclear weapons? I love this country dearly. But if I were actually elected president of the United States, I would move to Canada myself."

Trump says he will not endorse anyone at the convention in Cleveland and doesn't care who the Republican nominee will be.

"My goal here was to beat Carl and get billions of dollars in free media exposure for my brand," he told reporters afterward. "Mission accomplished. "