The Power Within

Brian and Pete: The Power Within

Chapter Nine

Fall Out

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“Mr. Scoggins! You will not use that word or any word like it in this school!” barked the incensed vice principal.

“Why not?” Blake insisted. “It’s the truth, ain’t it, Kellam?”

I wasn’t really listening to either of them, still staring at the retreating form of my boyfriend. He did not look back once before he disappeared around the corner. Something inside wrenched as I lost sight of him. I felt defeated. Even though I had won this battle, I had lost the war by fighting it. I slumped, emotionally collapsing inwardly. Tomas and Terry caught me under my arms as though they thought I was going to fall.

“Mr. Kellam, are you all right?”

I looked up at Mr. Johnson, finally seeing him clearly, and became aware of my surroundings. A low muttering surrounded us. I stood up straight, gently shaking Terry and Tomas off, letting them know I was under my own power. Mr. Johnson’s eyes were hard, but showed concern. I looked at the people around us; some of them curious, some of them disbelieving, some of them angry, and some of them seemingly unconcerned.

“Are you or aren’t you, Kellam?” Blake Scoggins demanded.

I turned my body to face him and met his glare.

“If I am or if I’m not, what business is it of yours?” I asked Blake angrily.

“I have a right to know if I’m taking a shower with a fag!” he spat back.

“That’s enough!” bellowed Mr. Johnson. “Both of you to the office, now! Mr. Kellam, I will see you first. The rest of you go on about your business.”

“We’ll make sure he gets there, Mr. Johnson,” Tomas said in a low voice.

Mr. Johnson nodded sharply, his eyes softening. Tomas and Terry guided me away from the crowd.

When we were out of earshot, Terry asked, “Are you?”

I answered without emotion. “Yeah. Problem?”

“No.”

“Me either,” Tomas added.

Both squeezed my shoulders in support.

“Thank you,” I whispered in reply.

“Any time, Brian,” Tomas answered. “If you need anything, call, okay? Anytime, day or night. I’ll do whatever I can.”

“Me too,” said Terry. “Do your parents know?”

“Yes.”

“What about Pete?” asked Tomas.

What about Pete, indeed. Anything I said would either be a lie or out him, so I shrugged and said nothing. Thankfully, neither friend pressed the issue.

When we arrived at the office, Tomas told the attendant why we were there and she let us in to Mr. Johnson’s office to wait. Tomas and Terry stayed with me, providing what support they could while I sat in a chair trying to absorb what had just happened. I didn’t remember doing it.

“I don’t remember saying anything,” I said aloud to no one in particular.

Terry sighed. “I heard you. Half the school heard you, Brian.”

“So right about now the school knows that I’m gay. Or at least suspects it.”

“Probably.”

I sat quietly for a moment longer and then said, “We thought about coming out, but this isn’t how we pictured it.”

“You and Pete?” Tomas asked quietly.

I looked up at him, eyes wide, and then at Terry before closing my eyes and slumping back and banging my head hard against the wall.

“He doesn’t want anyone to know,” I said in a low voice. “He doesn’t want to come out. He asked me not to… to do anything that would out us.”

“Mr. Garza, Mr. Green, you may go now,” said Mr. Johnson as he entered. “Thank you for your assistance.”

“Can they stay, please, Mr. Johnson?” I pleaded. “I don’t want to be alone right now.”

“Are you certain?”

“Yes. They know.”

“Very well. Take a seat, gentlemen.” As Terry and Tomas did so, Mr. Johnson continued, “Brian, you know I have to suspend you for a week, and you know that you’ll be removed from the football team as well, correct?”

“I know,” I replied meekly. “I was only defending myself.”

“So you said. Others have a different story.”

“I have never lied to you,” I insisted, becoming angry. “I jumped in to stop them from pushing James around. They then attacked me.”

“After you provoked them.”

“So I jump in to prevent them from assaulting another student, and I’m the one who is at fault?”

“Because you provoked them, yes,” the man said with an edge.

“And it doesn’t matter that they’ve been provoking me since last Friday?”

“No, it does not. Mr. Kellam, you were in a fight. There is a mandatory five-day suspension for fighting in school. I’m not going to argue with you any further. I will call your mother to pick you up. Mr. Green, Mr. Garza, return to class.”

Terry and Tomas each squeezed my shoulder as they left. I sat back in my chair and brooded, ignoring Mr. Johnson, trying to work out what I was going to say to Pete. What could I say to him? I had outed myself, and it was very possible that I’d outed him by association. I knew that his reaction would not be good by any stretch of the imagination, and then there was my mother to deal with as well. I was not looking forward to either confrontation.

Mr. Johnson returned and sat behind his desk. I knew I was in the wrong, and I had to say something to the man. I tried to meet his eyes as I spoke to him.

“Mr. Johnson, I’m sorry. You’re right. I let my anger get the best of me again. This Matthew Shepard thing… it really bothers me. Krogh and Langley have been using it to rile me up since we first heard about it. And when Krogh said he was going to get me like they got Shepard, I took it literally – like he was threatening my life. I know it’s not an excuse, but it might help explain some of it.”

He met my gaze until I had to drop my eyes.

“Brian, part of our job is to teach you the rule of law and the bounds of proper behavior in our society. The police could charge all of you with assault and battery. The district could expel you.”

“I know.”

“It’s also part of our job to protect you and the other students from this kind of thing. I recognize that we failed to do that today for James Kuhns. You were there to make up for that, and for that, I thank you, and I will mention it to Dr. Sumner. When you told me last summer that you might be coming out, I told you we would do more to prepare for having an openly gay student on campus. I’m ashamed to say that we did not do that. There were too many other things that took precedence.”

“I’m not the only one, Mr. Johnson. There’s Jared Tanner, too. He was outed last year, and I suspect at least three more, besides Pete, are gay but not out.”

“I’ll talk to Dr. Sumner about that as well.”

“There is one other thing, Mr. Johnson. This is going to be ugly. Those guys I just fought with? They have friends. They’re not going to like it that a fag beat them up,” he frowned at the use of the word, “so they’re going to come after me again. How are you going to want me to handle it? I’m not going to let them beat me up; I will defend myself.”

“That is something we’re going to have to deal with as time goes on, Brian. While you’re out on suspension, we’ll have an assembly to discuss what happened. Some parents will be unhappy about it, but it’s important. What happened today reiterates that. So, thank you again, I suppose.

“Your mother will be here in about ten minutes. I’ll talk to her before she sees you if you’d like.”

“Yes, please. This is already going to be rough enough without another fight.”

I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes. A headache had been forming since the fight, and was now taking a firm grasp on my brain and trying to pound it into