'You put the statue in statutory rape': Rob Lowe's sex tape gets plenty of replays at his Comedy Central Roast... but it's Ann Coulter who's really burnt

• e-mail

If you didn't know Rob Lowe was videotaped having sex with a 16-year-old girl, you sure do now.

The 52-year-old subjected himself to a brutal Roast on Comedy Central on Monday night.

But while his infamous sex-tape scandal got plenty of airing, it was one of his roasters Ann Coulter who took the brunt of the abuse on the night.

Lowe blows: Rob Lowe subjected himself to a brutal Roast on Comedy Central on Monday night

Along with the Trump backer, Jimmy Carr, Pete Davidson, Nikki Glaser, Jewel, Ralph Macchio, Peyton Manning, Rob Riggle and Jeff Ross made up the motley crew of abusers who took turn taking to the stage to burn Lowe - and each other - while David Spade served as host.

'Our younger audience might not know who Rob Lowe is. So kids, this is who your mom thinks about when she’s f*cking your dad,' he opened with some light jabs on the Grinder star's legendary good looks.

'Some people don't think Rob Lowe has had any plastic surgery,' he continued. 'Those same people wonder if Caitlyn Jenner has had plastic surgery.'

And it barely took a minute for Spade to bring up Lowe's infamous 1988 encounter with the teen.

Taking aim: Jimmy Carr, Pete Davidson, Nikki Glaser, Jewel, Ralph Macchio, Peyton Manning, Rob Riggle, Ann Coulter and Jeff Ross made up the motley crew of abusers who took turn taking to the stage to burn Lowe - and each other - while David Spade served as host

On loop: Rob's infamous 1988 sex tape with a 16-year-old girl got plenty of airing

'Rob starred in Austin Powers two 16 years ago. Can you believe that? 16? Or as Rob calls it, "18". 

'He's been clean and sober 26 years,' he went on. 'For comparison, if sobriety was a baby, he would have f*cked it ten years ago.

'Rob has been called a comeback kid... sorry I read that wrong, he came on a kid's back.'

Pete Davidson was first up first to roast Rob, or as he claimed doctors described him 'Gonorrhea patient zero'. 

Infectious: Pete Davidson was first up first to roast Rob, or as he claimed doctors described him 'Gonorrhea patient zero'.

Grim: 'Rob has two beautiful kids here,' he pointed out. 'They're not his children, they're just guaranteed in his contract.'

Primary target: Like everyone else up there, Davidson saved his most pointed barbs for Ann Coulter

'Rob has two beautiful kids here,' he pointed out. 'They're not his children, they're just guaranteed in his contract.'

Jewel then took to the stage with her guitar, revealing she refused to kiss him when she was cast opposite him in Lion's Den, before hilariously explaining in song why to the tune of her You Were Meant For Me

'Rob you are such a whore / you completely forgot we hooked up before / You showed me your penis / when I was just 16-ish / Back in 1988 / I was the girl on your sex tape. 

History: Jewel then took to the stage with her guitar, revealing she refused to kiss him when she was cast opposite him in Lion's Den

Sing it: She then hilariously explaining in song why to the tune of her You Were Meant For Me

'Maybe you missed my name / because you were high on so much cocaine / Out of all your films / I'm the best thing you were ever in.'

Jimmy Carr kept up the theme, describing Lowe as like a Ken Doll, in that he's plastic, and often the first thing teenage girls insert into their vagina.

'Underage girls he made sex tapes with thought they were safe,' he jibed. 'They knew no-one would ever watch a movie starring Rob Lowe.'

Before turning her attention to Lowe, Nikki Glaser threw a few jabs at Jewel - or as she likes to call her 'Trailer Swift'.

New lyrics: 'Rob you are such a whore / you completely forgot we hooked up before / You showed me your penis / when I was just 16-ish / Back in 1988 / I was the girl on your sex tape,' she sang

Brought it: 'Maybe you missed my name / because you were high on so much cocaine / Out of all your films / I'm the best thing you were ever in', she finished

Smack: The singer finally relented and kissed him in the end

'I don't wanna bad mouth you. God already did that,' she said, making fun of her teeth. 'They're like the Spice Girls, each a different colour, all doing their own thing.'

But she soon switched her sights to Lowe, admitting she quite fancied him.

'He defies age... restrictions,' she giggled. 'You look like you’re sculpted. You put the statue in statutory rape.

'I had such a crush on you when I was a little girl... If only I'd known that was when I had my best shot.'

Usual tone: Jimmy Carr kept up the theme, describing Lowe as like a Ken Doll, in that he's plastic, and often the first thing teenage girls insert into their vagina

Shocked: 'Underage girls he made sex tapes with thought they were safe,' he jibed. 'They knew no-one would ever watch a movie starring Rob Lowe.'

But while it was Rob Lowe's name in the title, everyone on the dais saved most of their bile for Coulter, who at more than one stage looked like she was regretting her decision to take part.

Pete Davison - who David Spade asked to clarify if he was black or white so Ann Coulter could decide if she hates him - was the first to lay in.

'Ann Coulter describes herself as a polemicist most,' he mused. 'Most people call her a c*nt. 

Meow: Before turning her attention to Lowe, Nikki Glaser threw a few jabs at Jewel - or as she likes to call her 'Trailer Swift'.

Ouch: 'I don't wanna bad mouth you. God already did that,' she said, making fun of her teeth. 'They're like the Spice Girls, each a different colour, all doing their own thing.'

'Last year had Martha Stewart who sells sheets. Now we have Ann Coulter who cuts eye-holes in them.'

Rob Riggle pointed out the only reason she was there was because someone had uttered 'Beetlejuice' three times, while Payton Manning conceded he was 'not the only athlete up here... Anne Coulter won the Kentucky derby'.

'Without Führer ado' Nikki Glaser also turned her ire on 'real life supervillain'

Horseplay: Payton Manning conceded he was 'not the only athlete up here... Anne Coulter won the Kentucky derby'.

Summoned: Rob Riggle pointed out the only reason she was there was because someone had uttered 'Beetlejuice' three times

'She's written 11 books; 12 if you count Mein Kampf,' she joked. 'I'd ask what it's like to sleep at night but I imagine it's upside down in a 101 Dalmatian robe.

'The only person you will ever make happy is the Mexican who digs your grave,' she concluded. 

Taking a deep breath before starting on her, Jimmy Carr described her as 'one of the most repugnant, hateful hatchet-faced b*tches alive'.

'But it’s not too late to change, Ann,' he added. 'You could kill yourself.'

Karate kid: Ralph Macchio was the most humble roaster, turning most of the jibes on himself

Lowe places: He laughed at Lowe for only being able to book Ralph Macchio

He also claimed she looked so much like a transgender truckstop whore  that he seen Jeff Ross run to an ATM before the show, and that her p*ssy is old and dry, it is now writing cartoons for the New Yorker.

But it was sweet-voiced Jewel who spat the  most venom at Coulter. 

'As a feminist I don't agree with everything being said up here,' she started. 'But as someone who hates Anne Coulter I'm delighted.

Uncomfortable: While it was Rob Lowe's name in the title, everyone on the dais saved most of their bile for Coulter, who at more than one stage looked like she was regretting her decision to take part

Making fun of Jeff Ross's Prince costume, she joked he was going to 'party like its 1999; Anne is going to vote like its 1899'.

'Ann you do look great though, you’re almost as thin as Donald Trump’s chance at winning the election.'

She then joked she had been in the queue behind Coulter at Chipotle where she ordered something to go: the entire kitchen staff 

'Gay men love Ann Coutler,' she finished. 'It’s because two minutes into hearing her speak, they remember why they hate pussy.'

Truth: To boos and hisses from the audience, Ann finally took to the podium, and opened with her funniest line: 'Welcome to the Ann Coulter Roast with Rob Lowe,' she grimaced

Shameless: Half-joking she was only there to promote her book In Trump We Trust - which she took out and placed in front of her - the political commentator faced the impossible task of winning over the hostile audience.

It was then time for the host to introduce Coulter herself. 

'She seems stiff, but she gets wild in the sheets,' Spade claimed. 'Just ask the Klan'

'It looks like you're having a good time - haven't seen you laugh this hard since Treyvon Martin got shot,' he told her.

To boos and hisses from the audience, Ann finally took to the podium, and opened with her funniest line: 'Welcome to the Ann Coulter Roast with Rob Lowe,' she grimaced.

Cold: The camera panned across the silent audience as most of her gags fell excruciatingly flat - with maria Shriver and Patrick Schwarzenegger looking particularly unimpressed

Half-joking she was only there to promote her book In Trump We Trust - which she took out and placed in front of her - the political commentator faced the impossible task of winning over the hostile audience.

Doing little to fend off the racist tag, she claimed 'I'm hoping to persuade you all to vote for Trump, especially you David, so I can prove the media is lying when they say Trump won't get the vote of a single spade.'

With the camera panning across the silent audience as most of her gags fell excruciatingly flat, it was Jeff Ross who had the world's easiest gig of following her. 

Shooting fish: It fell to Jeff Ross to attempt world's easiest comedy gig of following her

Zing: 'You wrote 11 books but you couldn't write a single joke?' he asked. 'How do i roast somebody from Hell? B*tch.'

'You wrote 11 books but you couldn't write a single joke?' He asked. 'How do i roast somebody from Hell? B*tch.'

He described her annoying voice as akin to 'fingernails on a chalkboard in an inner city school you wanna de-fund

'Anne is against gay marriage. What's the thinking? if i cant get a husband they shouldn't either?'

Last but not least: Finally it was the man of the hour-and-a-half's turn for a rebuttal, as Lowe took to the stage to thank everyone for 'trying to get under his flawless skin'.... but even he couldn't help taking a swing

Prey becomes predator: 'A lot of people have asked why Ann Coulter is here. Because the right-to-lifers wanted everyone to see what an abortion looks like up close,' he said, before pretending to end his 26-year sobriety with a bottle of Jack Daniels

Finally it was the man of the hour-and-a-half's turn for a rebuttal, as Lowe took to the stage to thank everyone for 'trying to get under his flawless skin'.... but even he couldn't help taking a swing.

'A lot of people have asked why Ann Coulter is here. Because the right-to-lifers wanted everyone to see what an abortion looks like up close,' he said.

'Ann, after your set tonight, we've all witnessed the first bombing that you can't blame on a Muslim.'

Drops mic: 'Ann, after your set tonight, we've all witnessed the first bombing that you can't blame on a Muslim.'