Don't just poke me! The way we make friends may be changing but the nature of friendship should not
'I’ll be there for you, ‘cause you’re there for me too' – a chorus line from the catchy theme tune to American sit-com 'Friends,' one of the most popular comedy television series, internationally, of all time. It’s a simple truism but like all the best clichés, contains an irrefutable kernel of wisdom. Friendship is essentially reciprocal and the best of friends depend on being able to depend on each other.
A new poll has found that more than one third of us have made the majority of our friends through work. My initial reaction was: how depressing! Yet it is hardly surprising. Most of us spend significantly more time with our colleagues than we do with our family or other friends.
Friendship in a digital age: Thanks to social networking, we can keep in touch across the miles
I suppose we should welcome the fact that so many of us are able to strike up warm relationships within the work environment. After all, we’ve got to get through Monday to Friday somehow. A bit of friendly banter definitely helps the 9 to 5 along.
So let’s, by all means, celebrate this warmth of feeling towards our workmates. But perhaps, at the same time, we might make a mental note to try and spend a bit more quality time with our non-office chums?
We live in a 24/7 connected age, where work is never further away than a bleep on the Blackberry and our after-hours social lives seem to be increasingly restricted to poking someone on Facebook or quickly clicking 'Like' under their latest uploaded snaps. Yet I suspect we all know, from personal experience, that getting together IRL (in real life) is always going to beat even the most intense virtual interaction hands down.
Don’t get me wrong. Regular readers of this blog will know that I am an enthusiastic advocate of all kinds of social networking, even if the mindlessness and vitriolic abuse of anonymous Twitter trolls do get me down on occasion.
More from Dominique Jackson for the Daily Mail...
- Keeping debt problems secret won't cure them. We need to strip away the shame around financial struggles 28/08/12
- The Paralympics will show us just how much disabled people can achieve, and shame despicable benefits cheats 31/07/12
- Twitter will play a significant and disproportionate role in the coverage of London 2012 24/07/12
- Hustling on the high street: Aggressive 'chuggers' are the unacceptable face of Big Charity 16/07/12
- Of course there’s no competition in comps that sell off playing fields to build fitness suites 06/07/12
- Why our new legions of unemployed graduates need to adjust their expectations 04/07/12
- The courage of whistleblowers and why we should welcome the huge rise in care home complaints 25/06/12
- Once the world's most glamorous race meeting, Royal Ascot is now reduced to a tawdry spectacle of conspicuous consumption, boorish behaviour & questionable taste 19/06/12
- As Cheryl Cole wades into the gay marriage debate, why pop stars should stay well away from politics 15/06/12
- VIEW FULL ARCHIVE
Via Facebook, I am able regularly to 'talk' to friends – real, honest-to-goodness, flesh and blood friends – who are now dispersed all over the world. I can, for example, follow my far-flung goddaughter’s progress at school, listen to any boyfriend woes, give my considered opinion on the latest hair style, all in an instant, across the many miles and all the time zones. A scrawled airmail letter which took 10 days to arrive was all I had when I was her age.
Also via Facebook, I have hooked up with a bunch of like-minds who, like me, grew up in the British Crown Colony of Hong Kong, an experience so singular that you really needed to have been there. We exchange memories of the same old places and spookily similar teenage misdemeanours. We post nostalgic photos and engage in lively if essentially banal discussions about ancient cheesy television programmes, adverts and favourite watering holes.
Of course I know some of the members. We lived in the same block of flats or went to the same junior school. However, I certainly don’t know all 1,052 members of the group personally but, in a very 21st century way, I do consider them all to be my friends.
We all share something unique which is clearly of huge importance to us as we grow older. The firmest of friendships are forged on shared experiences. If the majority of your experience is at work, then there can be no surprise that so many of us find kindred spirits there.
Reassuringly, schoolfriends still account for one in six of our circle of friends, according to the poll, which was carried out by a mobile phone service provider to mark the launch of yet another over-hyped new product. Well, that is a relief. Surely, nobody knows you better than the playmate you first found in the playground?
Friends for all seasons? It's easy to form friendships while relaxed on holiday, but harder to sustain them
Another finding of the poll which I found sinister rather than cheering was the fact that four per cent of respondents claimed to have made firm friends while on holiday. Aside from the fact that you have ended up at the same resort at the same time of year, can you really have so much more in common with the half-naked people, reading the same airport blockbuster, sitting alongside you, on the next deck chairs along?
I suspect many of these holiday friendships, not unlike full-blown, heart-felt but ultimately doomed, holiday romances, may well be forged in the excitement of the exotic setting, the escape from the routine, the debilitating effects of the noon day sun or simply over late nights in the bar and that final ill-advised bottle of local hooch .
Companionship: There's nothing better than catching up with friends in real life, and treasuring bonds that have been nurtured over years
The irrefutable fact is that the way we interact with others, including the way we make our friends, is changing. Our social habits are being altered irrevocably by the relentless march of technology and perhaps, too, by the sobering effects of the continued recession. We really don't have too much spare time, or money, for socialising and it is probably wise to keep our colleagues on side, if we want to keep hold of our jobs.
The nature of friendship, however, remains constant. Whether you have hung onto your first ever bezzie buddy from primary school or you have found a kindred spirit in the workplace or even in the airport lounge, your friendship needs to be nurtured and cherished.
We all know, deep down, that the best way to do that is to send that text, that e-mail or that Facebook message, with the sole aim of putting a date in the diary to spend some quality time together.
