Soapwatch: Jaci Stephen's ultimate insight into this week's soaps  

So, is soapland as relieved as the rest of us now the big day’s festivities have ended and all we have to do is raid the turkey carcass and open the pickle jar?

Everyone must be wiped out after yesterday. In Coronation Street, Johnny was worried that Robert would spill the beans about his past (he was once in the now defunct soap, Family Affairs – who wants that getting out?), while Sophie and Kevin faced a frozen turkey. 

There was the threat of more beans being spilt in Emmerdale, too, as Belle contemplated whether to reveal all about Zak and Joanie’s kiss. As always, though, it was left to EastEnders to deliver the greatest tension, with hostilities at fever pitch and some lives probably changed beyond repair.

Carla bumps into Robert at the roulette table and he suggests taking champagne to a hotel room

Carla bumps into Robert at the roulette table and he suggests taking champagne to a hotel room

It would be good to think that as we enter the New Year, a little goodwill to all men might prevail, although if it was difficult to manage yesterday, I’m not optimistic for 2016. In Emmerdale we can look forward to Ashley’s dementia, while Eastenders is bringing us Stacey’s postnatal psychosis. 

Thank goodness for Coronation Street, however, where there’s a chance of illicit nookie among the cutlery. Ringside seat at the Bistro, please.

CORONATION STREET: AULD ACQUAINTANCES? THERE’S SUCH A THING AS TOO FRIENDLY

What an adventurous lot they’ve become. After emailing Spider in Peru, Emily decides she wants to join him as a volunteer (good luck with keeping that wig pristine there), while Ken goes on a bike ride with Nessa. But she soon falls off, injuring her ankle, and Audrey is hopeful when Ken admits to his cycling companion’s exhausting conversation.

New Year's day sees Mick and Linda have the wedding they always dreamed about

New Year's day sees Mick and Linda have the wedding they always dreamed about

Carla doesn’t take the news about Johnny being her father at all well, so what does she always do under duress? Go to the casino or jump into bed with someone. On this occasion, both, when she bumps into Robert at the roulette table and he suggests taking champagne to a hotel room. This makes life awkward at the Bistro, but trust me, that place has seen more sex than it has cooked dinners, and I doubt they’re going to change now.

Aidan and Eva also share pleasantries, but he ends up with a drink over his head when Eva discovers that Kate and he had a bet on whether they’d sleep together before the year was out.

And Roy faces a dilemma when Cathy asks him to clear her remaining rubbish and he discovers a love letter from Nessa to Alan, Cathy’s husband, revealing an affair. Dearie me. The trouble people get themselves into over sex. Pass me a turkey leg and that tin of Roses. I just want a quiet night.

EASTENDERS: FOWL PLAY TURNS TO FOUL PLAY

You wait all year for one Christmas dinner, and then two come along together. Dean’s frustrations grow when his perfect meal doesn’t go to plan, and he loses it big time when he learns that Buster, Shirley and Jade have already eaten with the Carters. Why the worry? The fewer Albert Square turkey dinners one faces the better. But when Roxy gets injured in the fallout, is it time to make the best of a bad job and just defrost that frozen chicken thigh sitting in the freezer?

It’s not Roxy’s year, and with Dean’s behaviour spiralling out of control, Shirley is horrified when she finds him attacking Roxy. Goodness, mate; it was a turkey; nobody died (well, the turkey did, obviously, but they should be used to that by now). How will Shirley react, and will she finally realise Linda was telling the truth about the rape?

And so to New Year’s Day, and the wedding that Mick and Linda have always dreamt about. With Dean well and truly ousted from the Carter clan, will he seek his revenge and ruin the big event? Something tells me he’ll be planning to do more than eat the filling from the vol-au-vents. When danger threatens, will the wedding go ahead?

Ross is shaken after seeing Robert appear from the shadows holding a gun

Ross is shaken after seeing Robert appear from the shadows holding a gun

At least Kat returns, shortly followed by Alfie, who is mystified as to why she left Spain in such a rush (my guess would be a BBC contract with several noughts on it). It’s enough to steer him towards making a decision about their future. Oh no, not again. God didn’t take this long to decide the future of mankind.

EMMERDALE: ANOTHER TRIGGER HAPPY DAY

It doesn’t look like being a happy start to the year on New Year’s Eve, when Ross is shaken after seeing Robert appear from the shadows holding a gun. What is it with everyone and firearms now? Can’t we go back to the days when sheep shearing and a pint was all the excitement anyone needed?

Cain is also in Mafia mode, stepping up as head of the Dingle clan, and is horrified to learn that Debbie plans to leave with the kids.

Paddy continues to live a double life behind Rhona’s back, and Tess is thrilled when he gives her a bracelet. Don’t be. He probably nicked it from a cat’s neck at the surgery. Check to see if it has a little bell on it.

 

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