Welcome to Britain? What my Mum's ordeal at Heathrow Airport says about us, writes RICHARD LITTLEJOHN

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My 88-year-old mother, who lives in America, paid a state visit to England recently. Like most women of her World War II generation, she is determined, in the words of Winston Churchill, to KBO (Keep Buggering On) and tries to remain as active as she can.

Even so, whenever she flies we request a wheelchair at the airport to spare her having to walk too far. In the U.S, the system usually works like a dream.

On departure, there’s always one at the kerbside waiting to whisk her through security. On arrival, she’s picked up as she leaves the plane and transported to the car.

So naturally she expected the same level of service flying between Detroit and Heathrow. No such luck. When she got off the plane in London there was no wheelchair, even though one had been requested.

Instead of waiting on the kerbside like she experienced in America Littlejohns' 88-year-old mother's wheelchair was no where to be seen when she arrived at Heathrow Airport

My sister, who was travelling with Mum, managed to hitch a ride on an electric buggy, which took them to a holding area, where there were dozens of passengers in the same predicament, many of them elderly. She was told there wouldn’t be a wheelchair available for an hour.

Mum, being Mum, decided to walk. But others with serious disabilities were stranded in limbo, at the mercy of the company paid to provide assistance.

Many of these unfortunate folk were visiting England for the first time. The Americans, in particular, were horrified at the inefficiency and indifference which greeted them.

Welcome to Britain. Have a nice day.

Obviously, to make sure there wasn’t a repeat performance, we double-checked that there would be a wheelchair for her return journey this week. But when she turned up at Heathrow’s Terminal Three on Tuesday morning, it was the same story.

Mum managed to walk through security and made her way to the Virgin lounge. The staff there couldn’t have been more sympathetic, but had no luck in locating a wheelchair.

'My sister, who was travelling with Mum, managed to hitch a ride on an electric buggy, which took them to a holding area, where there were dozens of passengers in the same predicament, many of them elderly'

With half an hour to go before the flight, she was informed there wouldn’t be one available for another hour. Fortunately, a Virgin representative managed to arrange a buggy. But that didn’t make the experience any less distressing.

Lest you think this is special pleading, I should emphasise that my mother wasn’t the only passenger requiring special assistance left to fend for herself.

The last thing anyone needs after a tiring long-haul flight is being kept sheep-like in a holding area for another hour. Similarly, catching a flight can be stressful enough for those with mobility problems, without the ordeal of discovering there is no wheelchair to take you to the departure gate.

None of this was the airline’s fault. Heathrow is owned by the Spanish multi-national Ferrovial, which outsources services to an American company called Omniserv, itself part of a much larger group.

On its website, Omniserv describes itself as a ‘People Company’ — always a bad sign. In the first six months of this year, it made a profit of $11.8 million (£9.4 million at the current rate of exchange). Its chief executive has a salary package worth $2,131,686 (£1.7 million).

As part of its service agreement with Heathrow, Omniserv promises that 96 per cent of passengers who have booked a wheelchair will be attended to within five minutes of arrival and no one will have to wait for more than 20 minutes.

'My mother wasn’t the only passenger requiring special assistance left to fend for herself'

On departure, it claims 97 per cent of those with reduced mobility will not be kept waiting for longer than ten minutes, and everyone will reach the gate in time for their flight.

Clearly, those guarantees are worthless. Ultimate responsibility lies with the airport’s foreign owners. Last year, Heathrow posted pre-tax profits of £223 million. Like every other major British airport, Heathrow’s terminals have been converted into giant shopping malls, with a few departure gates tacked on as an afterthought.

No opportunity is missed to milk passengers, from rip-off charges for parking — and even dropping off at the kerb — to ‘duty-free’ shops which are no cheaper than those in the high street.

As I have written before, flying anywhere these days is an ordeal, compounded by the greed of the airport operators and the stupendously ridiculous rules at security.

I don’t blame the staff, I blame those in charge. Renationalising the airports wouldn’t make any difference, either.

Look at the chaos at Stansted this week, where 5,000 arriving passengers were stranded for hours because the Home Office hadn’t bothered to lay on enough Border Control staff to inspect passports. As a result, many of them missed the last train and had to fork out for hefty cab fares.

Passengers at Stansted missed flights this week because of a lack of staffing at Border Control

Even the shortage of immigration officers has been turned into another opportunity to fleece captive travellers, who are now being offered a ‘fast-track’ service in exchange for a charge of £17.50. Why should we have to pay extra to make a smooth exit?

In her speech to the Tory conference, Theresa May talked this week of tackling company bosses who pay themselves vast salaries and dividends while simultaneously neglecting their social responsibilities. She should start with those who run this country’s airports.

And while she’s at it, Mother Theresa should order her new Home Secretary Amber Rudd to sort out the routine delays at passport control. Sharpish.

From the lack of wheelchair provision to the long queues at immigration, our airports are a hell on earth. What sort of a first impression of Britain do Stansted and Heathrow offer to visitors from overseas?

Oh, and it almost goes without saying that when Mum arrived at Detroit, a wheelchair was waiting for her and she was out of the airport and on her way home in 15 minutes.

This column loves daft animal stories. And there’s been a veritable menagerie of them this week, including a claim that cod speak with regional accents, pet lamb.

I’ve reported before on the £190,000 bridge built to allow dormice to cross over a by-pass near Pontypridd. You may remember it fell down earlier this year during ‘Storm Imogen’.

Then councillors in Cornwall voted to spend money on another bridge, this time for bats. And in Newcastle they’re putting up purpose-built bat roosts as part of a new student accommodation development.

To the bat cave! Da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da . . .

Now we also learn that a campaign is under way to build a network of tunnels to protect toads. Can’t they use the empty cycle lanes? According to an outfit called Roads For Toads, the toad population has fallen by 70 per cent over the past 30 years, many of them killed by cars.

Frankly, if they all drive like Mr Toad in The Wind In The Willows, I’m not surprised.

Parp, parp!

Despite resigning in the wake of his EU referendum victory, Nigel Farage finds himself back in charge of Ukip following the departure of his successor Diane James after just 18 days.

And with the front-runner, Steven Woolfe, being rushed to hospital following an ‘altercation’ in Strasbourg, Farage could be at the helm for some time yet.

Watching Nige being interviewed on TV, I was reminded of that famous scene in The Godfather, in which Michael Corleone, played by Al Pacino, laments: ‘Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.’

UKIP's Steven Woolfe in his hospital bed in Strasbourg: He says he is ok apart from some numbness in his face

 Remainers are living on Dead End Street

Highlight of the week in Birmingham was the Welsh Tory who vowed to make a success of ‘breakfast’ when he meant to say ‘Brexit’.

There’s a song by Ray Davies, the former Kinks frontman, called Is There Life After Breakfast? To which the answer is a resounding ‘yes’ and it’s ‘full of possibilities’.

In a verse which could have been written especially for all those sulking Remainers, he says: ‘Drag your emotions out of the gutter, Don’t wallow in self-pity.’

Curiously enough, I ran into Ray at an awards ceremony in London this week. He was being honoured for his outstanding lifetime contribution to music.

I’ve no idea where he stood on the referendum question, but I should have suggested that he updates the song and calls it Life After Brexit.

It would go straight to Number One.

Lenny Henry: Comedian Jan Ravens has been accused of ‘racism’

The comedian Jan Ravens has been accused of ‘racism’ for doing an impersonation of Diane Abbott on the wireless.

Oh, for heaven’s sake.

If it’s a ‘hate crime’ to impersonate someone of a different race, it can only be a matter of time before Scotland Yard sets up an inquiry into ‘historic comedy offences’ and arrests Lenny Henry for doing an impression of Frank Spencer in the Seventies. Ooooh, Betty!

Too many Cookes...

If she said it once, she must have said it a dozen times. Did Mother Theresa base her conference speech on Sam Cooke’s A Change Is Gonna Come?

I wonder what a modern May version of the soulful civil rights anthem would sound like.

I was born down in Eastbourne,

In a semi-detached,

And as a young woman,

I dreamed of being Mrs Thatch,

It’s been a long, a long time coming,

But I know,

A change is gonna come

Oh, yes it has . . .

 The BBC should introduce a ‘Right-wing hour’ every week to counter accusations of institutional Left-wing bias, says comic David Baddiel. I’d put my name forward, but now that I’ve just outed myself on Radio 2 as a lover of Leftie protest songs, I’m not sure I’d qualify.