Half a stone happier?

Losing 7lb is easily achievable and instantly obvious. But is it the holy grail of weight loss it's cracked up to be... and why are men so incapable of noticing?

By Jenny Dickinson
Updated: 02:59 EST, 13 December 2010

You can tell Hans Christian Andersen was a man. Yes, the name’s a giveaway, but even if we didn’t have that to go on, we’d work it out.

Think about it: this author ­specialised in fairy tales — stories of magical happenings where innermost wishes come true — but not one of them had a woman with a fairy godmother who waved her wand and made half a stone of fat melt away.

Because that’s what we want, isn’t it? Oh, it’s not all that we want, but —and, yes, I’m aware this may sound shallow — it’s right up there in the popularity stakes with world peace.

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Let’s have a metaphorical hands-up from everyone who’s made a mental note to lose a few pounds once the New Year hangover wears off.

And for most of you, no matter what your current size, would I be correct in thinking that half a stone would be just about right? Just enough to make a visible ­difference, to elicit those manna-from-heaven, ‘You look great — have you lost weight?’ comments.

Well, here’s a fairy tale of my ­creation.

Once, there was a 31-year-old woman who had been an average size 14 all her life. She had a husband, friends, even a job in fashion.

But though she was happy, there was always something missing. She didn’t hate her body; being broad-­shouldered, ample-chested and 5ft 9in put her in proportion, at least. But it was the ­little things that niggled.

She could never swap clothes with her size 10 friends. At work, she felt she somehow didn’t quite fit. It was irrational but, still, it was there. 

She was even embarrassed to go into designer stores, afraid that assistants would laugh at her for even looking through the racks. So, she built up an enviable collection of shoes and bags, because she could always be sure they looked great.

Still, though, there was that niggling thought that wouldn’t go away: ‘What if I was thinner? Just a dress size, a few pounds, half a stone. Wouldn’t life be better then?’

Eventually, she did something about it. Spinning classes, a few weights, a little less food (carbs still allowed) and a lot of running.

Two months later the longed-for day arrived: she was half a stone lighter. Now, this is where the moral of the story usually comes in.

Where I explain that, though the woman had got what she thought she wanted, she realised that the reward was empty, that she was better off before.

But that would be a lie. Because, the truth is that losing weight is equal only with lottery wins in the magical-things-that-can-happen stakes. I haven’t done the latter, but if you were to offer me a choice between the two, I’d need time to think it over.

The woman — who, yes, is me — felt fantastic. I felt confident, I felt sexy, I felt as though a magic wand had been waved. Clothes looked better on me. Buttons didn’t strain, straps didn’t squeeze, flesh didn’t overhang. It felt great.

Everywhere I went, conversations would start with questions on how I’d done it, how good I looked, how inspired people were by me. Me!

Clearly this is due in part to the loveliness of the people I know, but not-so-lovely people were at it, too.

At the wedding of a close friend, the brother of the groom, newly engaged himself, took me aside as I was leaving to tell me that had I always looked this good, I would definitely have been lucky enough to receive a pass from him in the preceding years. Which proves that carrying some extra weight has its upside.

But most men don’t really notice weight loss. When I asked my husband whether he had found me more attractive lately, he replied that he liked my new haircut. I hadn’t had one. And while my female friends spewed compliments, men were silent on the subject.

I did push one on whether he could see a difference. He cocked his head to one side and stared until I squirmed. ‘I don’t understand women’s obsession with weight; it makes no difference to men. Unless you got really fat, then I’d have to disown you,’ he said.

I think he was joking. ‘But do I look better thinner?’ I said.

‘Your breasts are smaller. That’s not a good thing,’ he judged. Well, I did ask.

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Being of the opinion that 34E is still more than enough in the breast department, this revelation didn’t concern me. I have no regrets about losing the weight, none whatsoever. And, a year later, I haven’t put the pounds back on, either. So do I still feel good?

Well, yes and no. In my head I’m still a comfortable size 14, so the slightly slimmer me is often a pleasant surprise. It’s good to go into a changing room and not ­worry that the zip won’t do up or, worse, break.

(This did actually happen to me once, in an airport store. I had to brazen it out, emerging from the changing room to helpfully point out to the assistant that the dress was faulty, then looking over my shoulder until the flight was called.)

But, lately, I’ve come to think that it’s not quite enough. That I could do with losing, well, another half stone, maybe a few pounds more. Because if slimmer feels this good, imagine how toned is going to feel.

And it’s not just those of us who can — how to put this — afford to lose a pound or seven; all women seem to have signed up for the weight race, irrespective of their size.

My colleague Avril Mair, a size 10, has tried many a diet just to knock off that little extra bit of weight. ‘I don’t believe anyone who says they wouldn’t be happier ­thinner,’ she says.

Not quite enough: Jenny Dickinson now wants to lose another half stone

‘I’ve been much thinner (admittedly, this was basically through just not eating), and it made me rapturously happy. I could wear anything; it didn’t matter what I bought, everything looked good.

‘As you get older, you do have to realise that very thin isn’t ­flattering for the face (you only have to see close-ups of celebrities), but an extra half stone is about right to make your existing clothes hang well.’

Emma, a 30-year-old trainee ­psychiatrist who is a size 12, is ­getting married next month. She hired a treadmill a few weeks ago that’s been installed in her sitting room while she tries to lose the seemingly requisite 7lb. 

‘It wasn’t that I felt I was fat,’ she explains. ‘I just wanted to look my best for the photos.’

That we can all understand. But how about Kate, a 29-year-old nurse, who wears size 8 clothes and last month joined a gym in an effort to lose weight?

‘It’s just my bottom and hips really,’ she says. ‘I don’t want to lose much. I know I don’t look big; I just think I could look more in proportion.’

But she’s a size 8, I protest. Does she really believe she has anything to lose?

‘I know plenty of women as slim as me on diets,’ she says. ‘In fact, I would feel left out if I wasn’t trying to lose weight.’

So is this desire to lose half a stone really about wanting to be thinner than ‘normal’? Like hankering after a higher salary, a job promotion, a new Céline bag to replace the Prada one you bought last season? We look fine as we are, but as women, we have that almost genetic pre-programming to try to improve ourselves.

‘In our interviews with women aged 16 to 63, we found that all ages wanted to be “skinny but shapely”, and most wanted to lose half a stone irrespective of actual size,’ says Professor Sarah Grogan, author of such books as Body Image: Understanding Body ­Dissatisfaction In Men, Women & Children.

'Most said that they would be more confident if they lost weight. None of the women who took part in our interviews (even those who were, objectively, very thin) said they wanted to gain weight.’

So we’re all striving to be, somehow, less of ourselves. As though there being less of us physically makes us more successful, more admirable, more acceptable.

But why? Why is less more?

‘We live in a culture where slimness for women is linked with all kinds of positive characteristics,’ explains Professor Grogan, ‘including self-control, elegance, attractiveness and youth.’

Indeed, studies have shown that not only are slim people considered more attractive and likely to do better in job interviews and work situations, they are also less likely to be convicted of crimes, and, if convicted, likely to receive lighter punishments.

A study by the University of Florida found that women who weighed 25lb less than the norm earn around £9,770 more than average-weight women.

And, according to German research conducted over 24 years, how much we weigh affects our emotions more than our love life does.

And, as we all know, worrying about your weight can go very badly wrong. There’s a fine line between self-improvement and self-destruction. Weight is in a ­position of power when it comes to our happiness.

But why this obsession with the particular amount of half a stone – the equivalent of a Yorkshire ­Terrier? Do 7lb here or there really make such a difference?

One theory is the sheer achievability of such a sensible weight loss. Obviously, it depends on your starting point, but for most of us, half a stone can be the adoption of a weekly Body Attack class, cutting down on our Rioja, or saying no to the cheese plate for a few weeks. It’s small-fry — or, rather, no fries at all.

Then there is the safety factor. When we are discussing diets and weight loss (which is pretty much a weekly occurrence in some form), if we declare our intention to lose half a stone, it’s not likely to elicit any criticism.

It’s not so much that people will worry we’re going too far, but not so little that anyone would question our commitment or, heaven forbid, ask whether we should ‘set our sights a little higher’.

The key, though, is that a loss of this size is physically noticeable on most women, so it’s in the region that will gain us recognition for our efforts. And that’s where the real reward comes, because that’s what really makes us feel good — other people’s approval. Even when we argue that we’re only ‘doing it for ourselves’, the reality is that we’re doing it for our egos.

But what’s so wrong with that? Yes, we all need to be comfortable in ourselves and able to feel secure in our self-worth, independent of the views of others. But a bit of ­outside appreciation never did any harm, as long as it’s an extra boost to your self-esteem, not the entire basis of it.

So how does my fairy tale end?

I haven’t read that far yet. I suspect there will be some big bad wolves carrying Krispy Kremes and some hours on the treadmill before the finale. But I plan to hold on to my goal of another half stone.

Right now, still weighing 11st, that feels like a healthy ambition, not an out-of-control obsession. It’s not the key to my happiness, but I can’t deny that it will help.

This feature originally appeared in the December issue of Elle Magazine.

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