Micro-minis are out as the floor-grazing skirt is back for spring (sorry chaps)
Taking it to the maxi: Long skirts are back in fashion
Should the first warm days of spring have brought men hope that the fair sex may be about to expose a little flesh, we bring dire news: the fashion police say floor-grazing skirts are in.
Hemlines - and any sort of man appeal - are going to ground.
At the ritzier reaches of the market, Net-A-Porter is awash with ankle-skimmers: Roksanda Ilincic's bronze lamé maxi for £1,145 and the Olsens' silk version at £360.
Topshop is throwing itself behind the trend with stripy tube skirts, £30, and hippy numbers, £40 to £60.
For the first time in decades, long is where it's at.
Unlike unfeasible fashion phenomena such as the micro-mini or body con bandage dresses, this skirt-cum-security-blanket may tempt women otherwise immune to frippery.
But be swayed at your peril. Skinny women will resemble Olive Oyl; stout women will look like their head is poking out of the top of a tent; and those in between will resemble ageing goths.
You might think the maxi might prove tantalising in the manner of Victorians and piano legs, but you would be wrong.
Ignore the glossy magazines' exhortations to go grunge - go glam instead. Think sleek, think evening, think Erdem's slinky Thirties number, £655, which is straight out of Brideshead Revisited.
Rest assured - men still won't get it.
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