To Hull and Back: I'm leaving with my head held high

By Dean Windass for MailOnline
Updated: 05:36 EST, 7 January 2009

Finally I know where I stand. I am reluctant to go, gutted it has come to an end, but now I know I can leave Hull City. And I’ll do so with my head held high.

After the past two years and the excellent two-way relationship we have had, I would have preferred the manager to tell me himself.

But when I walked into the training ground yesterday it was Phil Brown’s assistant, Brian Horton, who pulled me to one side to say Hartlepool manager Chris Turner had been in touch and wanted to talk to me about a loan deal. Hull were not going to stand
in the way.

Wembley high: Hull's play-off winner was the ultimate buzz for local boy Windass

‘It might be a great opportunity to get a start in coaching and management,’ said Nobby.

That was what I wanted at Hull. It took me back all those years ago to his office at Boothferry Park when he released me as a teenager and told me I wasn’t big enough or good enough to make it as a professional. I cried my eyes out then. This time I felt relief.

The manager hasn’t spoken to me since the defeat at Manchester City three weeks ago when he took us out on to the pitch at half-time, delivered his dressing down in front of the fans, then substituted me.

Last appearance: Windass battles with City's Richard Dunne at Eastlands

I have felt like the scapegoat for that 5-1 defeat, not that I have had the opportunity to discuss it with my manager.

I am not alone. George Boateng and Dean Marney were left out after the City defeat and didn’t play against Aston Villa, but they got their chance on Saturday against Newcastle in the FA Cup.

I didn’t and I really have no idea why. I do not know what I have done wrong.

I know Phil Brown has other priorities as Hull boss but I’m nearly 40 now, with a few years under my belt, so I don’t expect to be treated like a kid. I have never come into training and not given 100 per cent.

Dressing down: Brown embarks on his infamous half-time on-pitch team-talk

I have never been a bad apple. I have never thrown the towel in and gone in for treatment because I couldn’t be bothered.

My fitness levels have remained excellent since the summer. I’ve scored goals and done well in friendlies. I’ve even claimed goals at Portsmouth and in the Carling
Cup against Swansea.

I have kept a smile on my face, done my bit for the squad and team spirit when I have not been in the side and just tried to stay physically and mentally ready for the day the manager did give me the nod.

All I wanted was to play for Hull in the Barclays Premier League. I could have walked away from Hull after my winning goal against Bristol City in the Play-off final at Wembley.

Out of the picture: Windass watches from the sidelines as Brown patrols the touchline

I could have gone to the manager and chairman, told them I wouldn’t be able to cut it in the top flight and asked to get a new club in the summer.

A massive part of me, the Hull City fan, wanted me to be part of the adventure after waiting so long to see this club in the Premier League, visiting grounds like Old Trafford, Anfield and the Emirates.

But an even bigger part of me believed I could still play a role for the club and that I would just have to be patient. I still don’t think the manager has given me the chance to make an impact but now I know where I really stand.

I know Hull have been linked with a number of strikers in the transfer window, which obviously put my future in even more doubt, and hopefully they will sign the right man or men to keep them away from the relegation zone over the coming months.

That’s my biggest hope for the club I love. But now I have to look after myself. I will talk to Hartlepool and see if any other clubs are interested, bide my time.

Doncaster, Leeds, Oldham and my former club Bradford have all been sniffing around. Now they know Hull will listen to any offers and I will, too. And I will take the deal that is right for me.

This is not the end of my Hull City playing career. I have a benefit game coming up at the end of the season. That is one occasion I intend to enjoy — and I hope the fans will, too.