Meet the wives who tell their friends EVERYTHING about their sex lives... and their mortified husbands who wish they'd just shut up

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For most of us, there are certain things which are always best left undisclosed. Your annual income, for one. Not to mention your feelings about your mother-in-law.

And, of course, the true state of your sex life. What goes on between the sheets should stay there. Shouldn’t it? Not according to a new breed of unabashed middle-class women who thrive on divulging the most intimate details of their sex lives- not only with their friends but, in some cases, even with their mothers.

And these are no loud-mouthed ladettes. Rather, they’re wives and mothers holding down responsible jobs, who pride themselves on the strength of their marriages. Yet, extraordinarily, these women still can’t resist sharing every last detail of the marital bedroom- much to the horror of their husbands.

Charlotte Grattan, 40, from Lancashire, admits exchanging X-rated secrets on social media with her married friends. But husband Damien (pictured) says he was surprised she would be quite so candid about their sex life

Charlotte Grattan, 40, finds it so hard to maintain a dignified silence about her love life that she even gossips about it in the playground while waiting to collect her children from school.

What’s worse, the stories she shares are often told at the expense of her husband, providing humiliating detail about the ways in which he tries to seduce her.

‘My friends all know my husband Damien regularly tries to wake me up in the night to make love- and that I’ll often pretend to stay asleep if I’m not in the mood,’ she says, seemingly unembarrassed at such deeply personal revelations.

Charlotte’s ‘oversharing’ also extends to exchanging X-rated secrets on social media forums ‘at least a few times a day’ with a coterie of equally indiscreet married friends.

She continues: ‘If one of us is going to give in to our husband that evening, then all of us will know about it first.’

Such toe-curling candour must be rare, surely? Not according to a recent study, which found that more than a third of women reveal their most intimate marital secrets to friends and family. A staggering 38 per cent admitted to disclosing everything from how many sexual partners they’ve had to precisely how often they make love.

Clare Matthew, from Colchester, says she has disclosed her husband Rob's love-making techniques to friends. Rob says he isn't shocked by her confession but adds that he would not discuss their sex life with his friends 

But while most would see the discussion of such matters as tawdry, Charlotte insists it’s liberating.

‘It’s healthy for women to discuss this sort of thing,’ she says. ‘We all trust each other and it’s a giggle. It’s human nature.’

So how does her husband Damien, 41, feel about his wife’s ‘harmless gossiping’? Until very recently, he was none the wiser.

And unsurprisingly, since Charlotte’s confession, Damien is mortified to discover that the most private arena of his marriage is now subject to a very public discussion.

Moreover, he wishes he still lived in blissful ignorance of his wife’s unfortunate tendency to reveal everything.

‘Call me naïve, but I hadn’t thought that she would be quite so candid about our sex life,’ he says. ‘I am disappointed she goes into so much detail. It’s going to be very awkward the next time I see her friends.’

A staggering 38 per cent admitted to disclosing everything from how many sexual partners they’ve had to precisely how often they make love 

Charlotte, meanwhile, claims there are deeper reasons for her indiscretion than mere gossip- and that it is actually Damien’s fault she can’t stop revealing all about their sex life.

The couple from Lancashire run a joinery and shop-fitting business and have two daughters, Evi, ten, (from Charlotte’s previous relationship) and Eryn-Lilly, four.

For one week in every two Damien works away from home, leaving Charlotte to run the household and manage the administrative side of the business. And it’s these regular absences that Charlotte blames for her being so indiscreet in conversation.

‘I really miss him when he isn’t here,’ she admits. ‘I probably wouldn’t gossip so much about us if he were here all the time.’

It was after Eryn-Lilly was born on New Year’s Day 2012 that her indiscreet conversations began. Charlotte found herself within a group of new mums and says that opening up about their much-altered love lives was ‘invaluable’. She explains: ‘I wasn’t sure when Damien and I should start making love again. I might not want to divulge sexual information with my GP, but I could easily do so with them.

‘I didn’t have sex until six months after I’d given birth. And yes, my girlfriends were the first to know when we finally did it again.

Gemma Oakes, 34, said she started to divulge details about her love life with partner Daniel Puleo, 35, after she had children 

‘It might seem inappropriate, but it really is just between us. We might be mums, but we’re wives, too. My intimate life is very important to me. I’m sensible enough to always make sure there are no little people around ear-wigging when we’re talking either.’

Which is just as well, when you consider so many of these conversations take place inside school grounds.

‘There are four of us who meet up on the school run,’ says Charlotte. ‘We’ll talk about everything from bikini waxes to 50 Shades Of Grey.’

Charlotte, who says she and Damien ‘make love three or four times a week’, has divulged everything to her friends- from the fact that her children are banned from sleeping in Mummy and Daddy’s bed when Damien is home to the fact they failed to consummate their marriage on their wedding night (‘I did get some ribbing about that!’).

Will she try to keep a tighter rein on her chitchat now Damien has expressed his disapproval?

‘I’ve no intention of refraining from discussing our sex life,’ she says defiantly. ‘Some women are prudish and don’t want to talk about sex. I feel sorry for them. It’s informative and some of our chats are very reassuring.’

Charlotte (pictured with Damien) has divulged everything to her friends, including the fact they failed to consummate their marriage on their wedding night

So why on earth do these women feel the need to share so openly what for many of us remains the final conversational taboo?

Psychotherapist Ales Zivkovic believes there are various reasons why women indulge in such behaviour. Primarily, he believes that they enjoy showing off.

‘When women constantly talk about their sex life, they can do it out of the need to brag. To convey that they have a sex life that’s active.’

However, relationship therapist Keren Smedley considers such behaviour disloyal in the extreme. Not only does she think it’s unfair on their husbands, she says the conversations amount to little more than gossip.

‘Talking to a friend and looking for genuine advice is one thing, but even then you’re better off asking your GP or a counsellor. Your girlfriend is usually just offering an unprofessional opinion which could be anything from harmless nonsense to misinformation which can rock your marriage.

‘These woman, privy to intimate details of the couples’ marriage, will view their girlfriends’ husbands in a very different way. How on earth can this be healthy?’

Clare (pictured with husband Rob) says her openness hasn’t offended any of her friends. She says it has encouraged even the more conservative among them to open up too

However, some of the women who insist upon revealing the most intimate details of their marriages claim that the opposite is true- and that such frank discussions actually improve their marriages.

Stay-at-home mother Clare Matthew’s husband also works away from home, sometimes for up to seven weeks at a time.

Rob, 35, is a deep-sea diver and is typically based off the Scottish coastline for months at a time. But unlike Charlotte, Clare doesn’t blame his absences for her indiscretions.

She says: ‘We’ve always talked very openly in my family and that’s an attitude I’ve taken with me into my adult life and my marriage.’

The couple met when they were both serving in the Armed Forces in Afghanistan. Yet it wasn’t until they returned to their Colchester base in April 2007 that they became a couple.

Clare recalls: ‘When I saw him clean-shaven and out of combat gear it was a case of love- and lust- at first sight.’ And she has consistently shared intimate details with her friends since they got together: to the extent that one of her friends jokes that Clare has ‘social Tourette’s’ because of her tendency to say what’s on her mind first without considering the consequences.

Gemma says ‘oversharing’ is the reason Daniel is happier in the bedroom and due to be a father again in 2017. She also says it’s the reason she’s blossomed sexually 

Clare explains: ‘I’ve got some friends who are church-going Christians. While we tend to talk about politics, after a couple of glasses of wine the conversation does eventually turn to sex.

‘I’m guilty of manipulating the change in tone. But everyone is happy to spill the beans.’

And there’s nothing that Clare is afraid to discuss, even disclosing her husband’s love-making techniques.

She insists that her openness hasn’t offended any of her friends- rather, that it encouraged even the more conservative among them to open up, too.

‘Recently I sparked a conversation about orgasms. I was amazed at how forthcoming everyone was.

‘By sharing our intimate experiences we all left that evening a lot wiser. Personally I felt more normal, it was very reassuring.’

Extraordinarily, this is isn’t the most personal detail Clare has shared. Indeed, some of her most candid sexual confessions have come in conversation with none other than her own mother.

‘Nothing is off limits with Mum in terms of her listening to me,’ says Clare. ‘Although she’d never talk about such things to me.’

One can imagine. As for husband Rob, he is surprisingly sanguine about his wife’s revelations.

‘Am I shocked?’ he asks. ‘Not really. That said, I wouldn’t dream of discussing Clare’s sexual proclivities with my friends. It just isn’t the done thing. But as long as she paints me in a good light, it’s fine.’

Charlotte blames Damien's regular absences for why she is so indiscreet in conversation with her friends

Gemma Oakes, 34, can pinpoint the exact moment when she started to divulge details about her love life with partner Daniel Puleo, 35, who runs an electrical company.

‘It was after I’d had children. Until then I was incredibly shy discussing anything to do with sex. If anyone ever talked about it, I’d blush and clam up. If an erotic scene was on television, I’d switch over. The long-standing joke among my girlfriends was how on earth had I managed to fall pregnant, I was so squeamish about sex.’

Today the couple, who have been together ten years, live in Prestwich, Greater Manchester, with their three children- Lucie, ten, Lanie, seven, and Loris, four.

‘Seven years ago, after the birth of our second child, I completely went off sex,’ says Gemma. ‘Daniel was worried that I no longer found him attractive. When I confided in my mum, the first thing she said was: “Poor Daniel!”

‘I was shocked. I expected her to be sympathetic. She gave it to me with both barrels, telling me that no matter how tired I was, I had to make an effort for him. Otherwise I was jeopardising our relationship.’

Gemma adds: ‘It was a lightbulb moment. I realised how helpful it was talking to my mum and seeing Daniel’s sexual needs from another perspective. I had to prioritise him, and not the housework.

Clare says her most candid sexual confessions have come in conversation with none other than her own mother 

‘While I don’t like to use vulgar terms and sometimes my friends can go too far, these days I’m really open about it.’

A case in point is the fact that at the start of the year Daniel and Gemma were trying for another baby.

Unbeknown to Daniel, ‘Team Gemma’- that’s her mum, best friend and sister- regularly gave her tips on conception and spurred her on. ‘I’ve asked them about positions, techniques and precisely when to make love. At times, it was as though they were in the bedroom with us.

‘While Daniel would be horrified, in my defence, my openness with them has ensured that I’m now expecting our fourth child.’

And it’s not just sexual positions Gemma that has been discussing. She has also been debating Daniel’s sexual preferences.

‘I’m very self-conscious about my body. I prefer to make love in the dark in total silence. Daniel, though, is the opposite. And when I asked my friends if it was normal to have sex with the lights on and to talk about what we’re doing, the answer was yes.’

While Gemma claims ‘oversharing’ is the reason Daniel is happier in the bedroom and due to be a father again in 2017, she also says it’s the reason she’s blossomed sexually.

‘We recently went away to stay in a log cabin in Wales with the children,’ says Gemma.

‘We actually made love on the sofa in the living room in the mornings. The old me would have worried about passers-by or the children waking up. Of course, my mum and my best friend got the full lowdown later. Daniel will be mortified to learn this- but it’s thanks to them I’m so adventurous.

‘The biggest advantage of talking about my sex life with my friends is the comparisons we all make.

‘Whenever you read women’s magazines, you worry you don’t come up to scratch. Whereas talking honestly about what we do among friends is hugely reassuring.’

But what about her husband, Daniel? How does he feel about this betrayal of trust?

It’s fair to say that Daniel is less comfortable with the most intimate details of his marriage being discussed by his wife’s friends.

‘I’m a very private person. While I do get on well with Gemma’s mum, sister and best friend, it’s horrifying to know that this is what they talk about,’ he says.

‘What man wouldn’t be undermined by such revelations?

‘Gemma needs to rein it in. If she wants to discuss our love life, she needs to turn to me first.’

Fair enough- but Daniel’s plea is likely to fall on deaf ears.

‘There needs to be an air of mystique between us,’ says Gemma. ‘We’d lose that if I endlessly discussed my sexual fears and anxieties with him.’