So can Britain's first reality TV pop star ever find happiness? After Will Young's dramatic walkout from Strictly ALISON BOSHOFF says his story shows the fake promise of instant fame 

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Amid the fallout of his shock decision to abruptly waltz away from Strictly, Will Young insisted he was 'just dandy'. Indeed, jokingly borrowing the show's catchphrase, he soothed fans worried by his disappearance, reassuring them he would 'keeeep dancing!'.

Clever, hugely talented and immensely popular, Young has millions of admirers who will be wishing him well. Alas, the disconsolate figure he cut yesterday, on a walk in a London park, with only his dogs for company, hinted at a state of mind that was far from content.

And little wonder. It's hard to appreciate in this modern age of wall-to-wall reality TV, but 14 years ago Young became Britain's first-ever pop show winner.

ALISON BOSHOFF: The disconsolate figure Will Young cut yesterday, on a walk in a London park, with only his dogs for company, hinted at a state of mind that was far from content

The millions of votes he won in Pop Idol were supposed to bring him all the joys of instant fame. Instead, even the most cursory glance at his tormented life ever since makes one wonder not why he quit Strictly, but how he managed to survive the first three episodes at all.

For his story is a parable of the horribly fake promise of instant TV fame — particularly in one so obviously fragile.

Over the years, he has suffered profound depression and, ultimately, a nervous breakdown. He has bought a string of houses that brought no happiness; he became addicted to alcohol, shopping and pornography; has been tortured by his sexuality (he came out as gay shortly after winning Pop Idol); and was forced to spend six months in a 'trauma centre' to conquer his demons.

Amid the fallout of his shock decision to abruptly waltz away from Strictly, Will Young insisted he was 'just dandy'

He also struggled to cope with the travails of his twin brother Rupert, who has also suffered depression and tried to kill himself numerous times.

Last year Young's long-term relationship fell apart and he was dropped by his record label. A self-released album of cover versions subsequently flopped.

As he has himself said of his darkest times: 'I honestly didn't know if I was going to make it. It was horrendous. The brain shuts down. Some people never recover. I'm fortunate that I had the time and the finances to say: 'I'm taking two years off work.' But I'd rather have no money, no career, than go through that.'

The latest unhappy episode came just a day after an uncomfortable encounter that went out live to 11 million viewers: a grumpy exchange about a salsa dance with Strictly's head judge Len Goodman at the weekend. When Young answered back, he was told to: 'Show up, keep up and shut up.'

Last year Young's long-term relationship fell apart and he was dropped by his record label

The singer later said he felt he had no choice but to drop out, citing 'personal reasons'. It soon became clear that his real motivation to quit may have been far more complex than the TV spat.

His fellow contestant, TV presenter Laura Whitmore tweeted: 'Be kind. Everyone you meet is fighting battles you know nothing about.' His dance partner Karen Clifton noted that: 'It wasn't an easy decision for him.'

Young, now 37, is apparently thinking about taking a degree and dropping out of the limelight for a period. But then, he was always an unlikely pop star, who self-deprecatingly once described himself as 'gay, not very cool, politics student, middle-class, dresses badly, doesn't play instruments, doesn't write songs'.

For a reality show contestant, he had an extraordinarily privileged start in life: he and his brother went to a boarding prep school then went to £36,000-a-year Wellington College.

He realised he was gay but kept it hidden. After Exeter University, where he read politics, he won a scholarship to study musical theatre at the Arts Educational School in Chiswick, West London — only to leave after a term for Pop Idol. He clashed with judge Simon Cowell after the latter described his performance as 'distinctly average' — but went on to win the show.

Young, now 37, is apparently thinking about taking a degree and dropping out of the limelight

He was signed by Sony. But just as he achieved his dreams, came the first hammer blow: his brother Rupert was drinking heavily and self-harming. At the end of 2001, when Will was getting ready to appear on the first live show of Pop Idol, Rupert slit his wrists. Will was at home alone with him and called an ambulance.

Their parents spent £120,000 on Rupert's treatment at a rehab clinic in Arizona. But Young's early career was not without difficulty, either. He was approached during the final weeks of Pop Idol by a newspaper which was contemplating 'outing' him to the public as gay.

They didn't, but he came out himself in an interview after the final.

The fans didn't care: his debut single Evergreen went into the record books as the fastest-selling British debut ever. His debut album From Now On went straight to No 1. The follow-up, Friday's Child in 2003, was an ever bigger success, going platinum five times over.

However after initial success, he had to deal with his own difficulties.

He first saw a therapist in 2004. 'I was really insecure in work, I had low self-esteem, I thought I was useless,' he explained. 'If I got a job, I wanted the next one. I never lived in the moment — I was always comparing.'

He was at a low ebb at the time of the release of his third album, Keep On, in 2005. 'I was rude to people,' he said. His therapist even told him he was being 'an immature baby.' He was persuaded to go on a week-long self‑esteem course, where he stood up and said: 'Hi, I'm Will. I'm a pop star and I'm not very confident.'

He had a boyfriend, Conor, a dancer, and bought homes in Holland Park, London; Dalston, East London; Brighton, East Sussex; and a cottage on Bodmin Moor, Cornwall.

The millions of votes he won in Pop Idol were supposed to bring him all the joys of instant fame

He attended a workshop run by Texan clinical psychologist Randy Berlin and started to draw up a strategy to fend off his self-critical and negative thoughts. But, by 2011 — chalking up another No 1 album with Echoes — he was suffering from depression again, and had a full breakdown in 2012.

His unhappiness manifested itself in numerous addictions.

He said: 'I moved into my new house, my album went to No 1 and I was miserable. I'd buy houses and get nothing from it. Bought cars — got nothing from it. I've gone out and spent £5,000 in Selfridges — and nothing. I don't even wear the stuff.

'All those things I thought would bring me happiness, don't. I was a love addict, I still am an addict, addicted to porn, alcohol . . . drugs I didn't really get into.

'I will keep coming back to shame because it's such a fundamental thing. I think we are told that as soon as we come out, everything will be OK, but it's just not the case.'

Even the most cursory glance at his tormented life ever since makes one wonder not why he quit Strictly, but how he managed to survive the first three episodes at all

He added: 'What I've realised is that growing up knowing I was gay from a young age, I always felt extremely ashamed. It's a cliche but it's true. I've only just realised how s**t that's made me feel about myself for a very, very long time.'

He spent six months at Khiron House, a trauma centre in Oxfordshire, and says the experience gave him new purpose to life.

Eventually he felt that he could bear to listen to music again, and then he returned to singing and writing. The recovery took him around two years.

Upon his return, he made the break from the Beckhams' manager Simon Fuller — Will was the only musical artist on his roster. He now splits his time between his houses in Holland Park and Cornwall. A long-term boyfriend, ballet dancer Jesse Kovarsky, went back to the U.S. last September and they have split up.

The latest unhappy episode came just a day after an uncomfortable debate about a salsa dance with Strictly's head judge Len Goodman at the weekend

Will said: 'He was the best relationship I ever had. He was going back for visa reasons and neither of us wanted to do long-distance. We are still great friends. I certainly wasn't an easy boyfriend, but then I never went for easy people.'

He's not alone though — he has the dogs and also an adopted orphan Shetland pony which lives in his Cornish home.

What is true is that he's managed a 15-year career from reality TV rather than the 15 minutes of fame that most contenders achieve — and sold 10 million records and is worth around £13 million to boot.

He is active on issues surrounding sexuality, going on Question Time last year and criticising Education Secretary Nicky Morgan over tackling homophobia in schools.

And though he has bowed out of Strictly, perhaps to get back in the 'right place', there's little doubt he will bounce back. For Young has not only showed he is immensely talented with popular appeal, but also, given the traumas he has endured in life, that he is a born survivor.