‘We needed Jay-Z and we got JD.’ Lord Sugar fired the ‘titan leader of men’ with the croaky voice when Samuel was saved – amazingly - by Karthik on The Apprentice, by JIM SHELLEY
It was a night of shocks on The Apprentice.
Lord Sugar was NICE to Karthik for instance when the eccentric egomaniac actually did something positive for once. His contribution earned victory for Team Titan and compliments from Karren Brady, although she still managed to make them sinister.
Incredibly, Rebecca remained a candidate despite her FIFTH consecutive week on the losing side not to mention her array of gormless facial expressions that surely merited elimination.
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Chirpy: It was a night of shocks on The Apprentice. Lord Sugar was NICE to Karthik for instance when the eccentric egomaniac actually did something positive for once
Finally the Project Manager who had the brainwave of promoting products during the rush hour at Waterloo station through the medium of MIME was not fired from the show. Or arrested for offences against common decency and insulting commuters’ intelligence.
The fact that Samuel had won the task was a minor detail. The crime of mime meant he should have been the first successful Team Leader to receive the dreaded finger from Lord Sugar (as it were).
Samuel was saved not just by Karthik but the all-encompassing ineptitude of his opponent, the man in charge of five-time losers, Nebula.
Doing well: Karthik's contribution earned victory for Team Titan and compliments from Karren Brady, although she still managed to make them sinister
Sadly it was farewell to JD when Lord Sugar fired the self-described ‘titan of industry’, ‘leader of men’, and semi-mythological ‘bad**s’ with his own beachwear company and a croaky voice. Regrettably we never did find out what JD’s real name was or why his voice was so croaky.
Admittedly a task about cycling never did strike you as JD’s forte, especially when Lord Sugar announced he was transferring the portly figure from the side that he himself had christened Team Titan.
For once the show deviated from its tried and tested formula, moving perilously close to The Modern Age with a challenge of creating a crowd-funding campaign for a new cycling product. These were a fashionable/futuristic high visibility gilets with in-built LEDs (Team Titan) and ‘bone conduction’ headphones that allowed cyclists to listen to music more safely (Nebula).
JD’s side raised just £ 681, losing by £107 – a victory for the Titans that Lord Sugar attributed to Karthik’s impressive sales pitch.
Goodbye: Sadly it was farewell to JD when Lord Sugar fired the self-described ‘titan of industry’, ‘leader of men’, and semi-mythological ‘bad**s’
Sugar had selected Samuel and JD because crowd-funding was the foundation of their business plans to scoop the £ 250, 000 prize and partnership with him. Not that you would ever have known from their performances.
Samuel’s faith in the idea of using MIME for Team Nebula’s publicity stunt would have been touching if it weren’t so deranged.
‘Is it clear that I’m cycling?’ Samuel said gleefully, prancing round in rehearsals looking as if he was miming riding a horse (albeit rather strangely, as if he were afraid he might fall off the invisible beast).
At best the position of his arms and his ‘pedaling’ action suggested a Victorian gentlemen on a penny-farthing.
What was he thinking? Samuel’s faith in the idea of using MIME for Team Nebula’s publicity stunt would have been touching if it weren’t so deranged
Samuel’s storyline was bizarre – about a female cyclist being run down because she was not wearing the illuminated gilet.
After she was knocked off her bike, Samuel enthused, the mime troupe would start dancing and singing: ‘oh no ! If only she had a lumo !’
Grainne, Trishna, and even Claude Littner were confounded/horrified.
‘Samuel may know what’s going on but I don’t know the point of it! I will eat my shorts if this gets traction on social media!’ Littner spluttered adding uncharacteristically that he was ‘#concerned.’
‘There’s no indication that this is the launch of a new gilet!’ raged Grainne, rightly. ‘It’s just a mime of someone getting knocked down by an old man.’
Confused? ‘There’s no indication that this is the launch of a new gilet!’ raged Grainne, rightly. ‘It’s just a mime of someone getting knocked down by an old man’
It transpired that Team Titan’s tally of £ 788 included ‘two sizeable pledges’ as a result of the introductory pitch by Karthik which one retailed described as ‘superb.’
Even Karren Brady purred: ‘It was very engaging’, saying she particularly enjoyed his use of ‘snazzy - which is not a word I’ve heard since 1975.’
Perhaps she can use it at West Ham.
‘Well Karthik it seems you pulled it off!’ raved Lord Sugar, with understandable amazement. ‘Samuel, you’re a lucky man.’
What saved Rebecca Jeffery wasn’t clear. Certainly not the promotional video she shot of Team Nebula’s publicity stunt, which managed to miss the gospel choir singing about the innovative headphones for cyclists entirely and instead consisted of an empty pavement.
The one who got away! What saved Rebecca Jeffery wasn’t clear. Certainly not the promotional video she shot of Team Nebula’s publicity stunt
In the boardroom her argument that the more aggressive Paul should be fired instead of her only... backfired.
‘I am not the loudest shouter,’ she admitted, as if anyone had said she was.
‘Lay off with the shouting. You’ve already milked the shouting !’ complained Sugar, practically shouting himself. ‘You say you’re good at marketing,’ snarled Sugar. ‘This was a marketing exercise. Frankly you created all the good buzz of a dead bee.’
His Lordship could also have sacked Frances – if JD had brought her back into the boardroom. Her gospel lyrics extolling the virtues of the ‘bone conductor’ headphones were a crime against music.
‘Apparently I’ve got a hidden talent – writing songs - which I didn’t even know about!’ she cooed, unaware that it was even more hidden than she realized.
Musical maestro? His Lordship could also have sacked Frances. ‘Frances came up with a frankly ridiculous song and JD was just sitting back watching,’ Karren Brady carped
‘Frances came up with a frankly ridiculous song and JD was just sitting back watching,’ Karren Brady carped.
‘I don’t think JD really understands what Project Manager really is. ‘Project Managing’ means exactly that. You manage the project.’
Thanks for that Karren.
Fran’s next contribution was pitching the product to a group of cycling specialists – with an order of 12 headsets available at 40% off and 180 headsets with a discount of, um, also 40%.
‘So there’s no benefit to me buying 180 ?!’ one buyer pointed out.
‘We’re offering it to both the independent and the national retailers equally,’ Fran improvised.
‘That’s a great benefit for us as a national retailer then !’ the man snapped back.
‘Yes !’ laughed Frances. ‘Or not !’
Oh dear: Fran’s next contribution was pitching the product to a group of specialists – with an order of 12 headsets available at 40% off and 180 headsets with a discount of, um, also 40%.
Everyone in Team Nebulla was terrible. Paul, Sofiane, and Jessica failed to agree a reward deal for anyone investing in the headphones which left Brady ‘flabbergasted.’
‘JD, you gave Paul and Sofiane the crowd-funding website and you gave Rebecca and Fran the PR team,’ summarized Lord Sugar. ‘What did you actually do?!’
‘Lord Sugar, I tried to stay calm...’ JD began.
‘Your catchphrase is ‘relax and chill out!’ sniped Karren - clearly not a business motto that she had ever used.
‘I don’t think you understood the nature of the audience at the pitch did you?’ she pursued, referring to JD’s opening remarks sagely informing the cycling retailers that a boom had followed the 2012 Olympics.
‘I know you’re probably thinking: this is just waffle !’ he waffled, which they were.
‘Yeah fair enough,’ JD admitted to Brady.
Too much: His honesty was a common theme during the cross-examination, and a big blunder
His honesty was a common theme during the cross-examination, and a big blunder.
‘I recognize now it was a mistake not bringing Sofiane back,’ he sighed.
‘Another mistake...’ purred Brady icily.
‘I can’t go into business with someone who makes mistakes, can I?’ grumbled Sugar, not unreasonably. ‘You have admitted that you are responsible for the failure of this task. And that’s all you have done. JD... you’re fired.’
‘I’m sorry that I didn’t show Lord Sugar what I’m made of,’ JD croaked in the taxi heading for the nearest shop that sold Lockets. ‘As well as that I’m potentially a good business partner and I’m not just a nice guy.’
Unfortunately, more than ‘a titan of industry’, ‘a leader of men’, or ‘a mythological Greek bad**s’, a nice guy was all JD really was.
On the move: ‘I’m sorry that I didn’t show Lord Sugar what I’m made of,’ JD croaked in the taxi heading for the nearest shop that sold Lockets
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