LIZ JONES MOANS

Maternity leave? It's just another name for a holiday

Funny, outrageous and downright rude. Who's in Liz Jones' firing line this week?

This week, I have had two angry episodes. Given that as I write it's only noon on Wednesday, that is pretty remarkable going.

First, I get an email from a young woman. 'I will be away on maternity leave until October 31, 2012. In my absence…' and there follows a long stream of names of other young women I have never heard of.

I am far too busy to learn a new email address! Why do other people's lifestyle choices always have an impact on my workload?

Time to put your feet up: Liz Jones thinks too many young women have it easy

The second episode made me so angry I came out in a rash (I was going to write that I became 'stressed', but as I wrote a moan a while back condemning the overuse of that word, I thought a rash was more original).

Last week, I called my solicitor - a woman who sounds about 12 - about the imminent exchange on a cottage I'm buying (please don't create a Twitter storm about that last bit, the cottage is NOT FOR ME!). No reply. I emailed her. Twice. Nothing. I called her first thing the next day. 'Oooh,' she said weakly. 'I was off sick.' Hmmm.

Then, today, I called and she was off sick again, having been off sick yesterday! I called her boss and complained. 'How ill do you have to be not to be able to click a couple of keys on your Blackberry?' I asked him.

I just don't understand the lack of work ethic in young women today. I was in Istanbul not long ago on a press trip. With me was a male PR and a young female journalist.

The male PR was saying he never switches his Blackberry off, even at weekends. If a member of the Press were to call and he was not available, their level of trust in him would plummet.

'Oh dear,' said the young blonde. (She was actually quite stupid, as when she asked me why I left Marie Claire, and I said I was sacked over the skinny models debate, she mewed: 'Oh, were you for skinny models or against them?')

'Everyone needs a break and a holiday, away from the pressure,' she continued. Wow, she's sure to go far. This flibbertigibbet works in fashion.

Personally, I think you should crawl to work if you have to. No wonder the number of women who are unemployed is rocketing. If ever I employ a woman again, I'll make jolly sure she'll have already gone through the menopause.

CELEB BRAIN DEAD MOMENT

In praise of a jacket: Karl Lagerfeld

What are these designers on about?

Karl Lagerfeld on a new Chanel jacket:

'This jacket is a vital and irrational impulse open to creativity and transformation.'

Hmm, OK, and how much is that one?

And here's Sarah Burton talking about her latest collection:

'I was thinking about the goddess Gaia, ultimate womanhood.'

Yes, I hear you wailing, but does it come in a 14?

CRIME AGAINST FASHION

Unflattering look: Bianca Jagger in a kaftan

Are you, like me, finding even the monthly glossy websites slow?

The Harper's Bazaar's site still didn't have its Women of the Year winners up on Wednesday, and the event took place on Monday night.

If they had been bothered, you too could have seen Judi Dench and Bianca Jagger (why does she still keep her ex- husband's surname?) both wearing kaftans.

Surely tailored tuxedos would have been so much more chic?

They resemble over-decorated wig-wams.


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