Want a basketball in a glass tank? Certainly, Sir, that'll be £11 million: CLAUDIA CONNELL reviews the weekend's TV 

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Sold! Inside The World's Biggest Auction House 

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Michael McIntyre's Big Show

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There was a time when auction houses such as Christie’s acquired their lots thanks to death, divorce or debt — or, as its global president Jussi Pylkkanen called them, ‘the three Ds’.

But in Sold! Inside The World’s Biggest Auction House (BBC2, Saturday) we learned that there has been a downturn in the world art market. Christie’s can no longer sit back and wait for goodies to fall into its hands. Now, it must go out and hustle.

To mark its 250th anniversary, Christie’s allowed cameras to follow the firm’s staff for a year to make this two-part documentary.

To mark its 250th anniversary, Christie’s allowed cameras to follow the firm’s staff for a year to make this two-part documentary

Despite the economic slump, it still takes an average £5billion a year and today’s modern collector is mostly young, super-rich and — in many cases — pretty clueless about art.

And the big money is no longer in Europe and America, it’s in the Middle-East and China — markets that Christie’s is enthusiastically pursuing. In Dubai, where it is the first auctioneers to open a house, the emphasis is as much on luxury goods as it is on art.

‘It sings to me. It moves me,’ said one Arab buyer of the £20,000 watch he snapped up.

Watching Isabelle de la Bruyere, the glamorous head of client relations (everyone at Christie’s has a name and title like a character from a Bond film), schmooze customers was a sight to behold. Like some kind of fine art whisperer, she expertly persuaded buyers that paintings with seven-figure prices would nicely complement their existing collections.

Contemporary art generates the biggest sales. Surprisingly, Picassos and Monets regularly fail to hit their reserve price — whereas ugly, modern installations are fought over.

Potatoes nailed to a wall, a giant metallic lobster and what looked like a mobile made of coat-hangers were all available to those with questionable taste and deep pockets.

A basketball in a glass tank by the American artist Jeff Koons went for £11million. All this is a giant leap from the sales Christie’s was making in the 18th century. A visit to the archives revealed that in the days before Ikea and John Lewis, people bought mattresses, sheets and blankets there.

It was a thoroughly compelling documentary even if, at times, it did feel like Christie’s has become a Toys R Us for billionaires. 

The Michael McIntyre’s Big Show returned for a second series on Saturday on BBC1

Not yet a billionaire, although with an estimated fortune of £40million, comedian Michael McIntyre isn’t doing too badly himself.

The Michael McIntyre’s Big Show (BBC1 Saturday) returned for a second series and you could never say the performance lacked content.

There were practical jokes, guest singers and taking selfies with the audience. It was fast and frenetic — but the one thing it wasn’t was very funny. McIntyre’s skill and success comes from his brilliant observations of the British middle class in all their politeness and awkwardness.

Yet his opening monologue about picnics and wasps felt oddly lacking, not to mention out of place in the middle of November.

Two years ago, when doing his chat-show, McIntyre would take the phone of an audience member and send a bizarre text to all their contacts and see what happened.

On The Big Show, he takes a celebrity’s phone (on Saturday it was pop star Olly Murs), but the gag fell flat because too many people were in on the joke and any funny replies from celebrities seemed scripted, not genuine. The big problem is The Big Show is trying too hard to be like Ant And Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway — and falling very wide of the mark. Ant and Dec work so well because they bounce off each other.

There were times when McIntyre looked very lonely and lost on stage as he attempted to make the segments gel.

The one shining moment came with the ‘unexpected star of the show’ section where an unwitting member of the public, with a hidden talent, is invited to perform.

On Saturday it was fireman Andy Quinn who had his very own Susan Boyle moment when he belted out a breath-taking version of Bring Him Home from Les Miserables.

It was just a shame the rest of the show didn’t have the same sparkle.

• Christopher Stevens is away