Model reveals that her weight once plummeted to just 34 kilos as she struggled with anorexia... and how weight training helped her to recover

  • Tatyana Gillam's eating disorder began when she was 16 due to control issues
  • She revealed that she had to leave school because she lost so much weight
  • In a YouTube vlog, she detailed the ups and downs of her journey to recovery 
  • Now 21, she has finally found a balance between exercise and healthy eating 

A Perth model has spoken out about her heartbreaking battle with anorexia – and how she feared she would die after her weight plummeted to just 34 kilograms.

Tatyana Gillam said her eating disorder began when she was 16 and had returned to Australia after living in Malaysia for eight months.

In a candid video on YouTube, she recalled details about her difficult journey to get better – a journey that took her five years.

Now 21, Miss Gillam is signed with Chic Model Management and has recently shot campaigns for Becca Cosmetics and Kevin Murphy.

She said she wanted to share her story to help others – and posted a picture of her 37 kilograms frame from two years ago and a recent picture to show the progress she has made.

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Journey: Perth model Tatyana Gillam shared details about her struggle with anorexia in an 18-minute YouTube vlog (above) 

Miss Gilliam said it was a 'control thing' when her weight began to plummet at school – and the sicker she became, the more she suffered from anxiety, depression and insomnia.

She had been signed to a local modelling agency at 17, but ended up not able to work or go to school because of her condition.

'Girls, I remember one time, went to the school counsellor and told the school counsellor that I was sick. I lost a lot of friends and it was a really horrible time,' Miss Gillam said.

'I started to get skinnier and skinnier and skinnier. It was a control thing.

'I used to lay awake at night because I couldn't sleep because I was so hungry. And I remember laying awake crying because I couldn't sleep for so long.'

Despite her family's desperate efforts to help Miss Gillam, she ultimately left school due to her anorexia.

Progress: Miss Gillam shared these pictures of when she weighed 37kg (left) and how she is now (right) to show how far she's come

Her mother was forced to quit her job to look after her.

Despite extensive help from her family, Gillam got so sick she couldn't attend school and her mum had to quit work to look after her.

'I literally became a shell. I was this empty shell. I couldn't even be around my family half the time because I was vacant and I was so anxious all the time and so stressed,' she said.

'I just wanted every single day to end and I just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up because I thought every day was going to be a battle and was going to be a struggle.'

I used to lay awake at night because I couldn't sleep because I was so hungry

At her lowest, Gillam weighed just 34 kilos – and despite trying hard, she wasn't able to get better.

'People were staring at me in the streets, you know, it was horrible,' she recalled.

At the time, her father had been working in Singapore.

After months apart, Miss Gillam tearfully recalled how her father had cried when he saw her.

'He was so worried about me,' she said.

'My family did everything to try to get me better. They are the most amazing people in the whole world.'

Despite knowing that she was sick, Miss Gillam explained that her mindset didn't allow her to eat properly.

Struggle: Gilliam (pictured recently) said it was a 'control thing' when her weight began to plummet when she was a teenager

'I remember I got a pizza ordered to the room once, the hotel room, and I threw it across the room onto the wall because I didn't want to eat it. Cause I didn't want to waste my calories on it.'

The trip to Singapore became a turning point, she revealed, when she realised that she had to face the fact that she had to recover.

'It got better. It did,' she said.

She said she thought: 'You know what, either you get better or you go to hospital or you die. What's it gonna be?'

By the time she turned 18, she weighed 46 kilos – and on a trip to Sydney, she was scoured by IMG Models and moved to the city.

Six months later, she returned home to Perth after the pressure of modelling and overexercising led to her getting the shingles.

A few months later Miss Gillam moved to London, where she lived in a model house and 'things just started to go downhill again'.

Stress: Miss illam added the pressure of working in the modeling industry made her illness worse

Again, she returned home after breaking her wrist, which she called a 'blessing in disguise.'

But things didn't get better straight away, and soon she was back down to 37 kilos.

'I got sick again and this time the depression got really bad and the anxiety and the stress got really bad,' she said.

'I remember waking up in the morning to go on the bike and do bike sprints before I had breakfast, with my heart beating out of my chest, tying on my shoe laces and thinking I could full well have a heart attack doing this but I'd still do it.'

It was finally when she contacted a nutritionist who introduced her to weight training four months ago that led to Miss Gillam becoming healthy again.

'When I started training, something amazing happened,' she said.

'I started enjoying gaining weight. I was gaining muscle. I was getting stronger. I was starting to get happy again.'

Having found the balance between healthy eating and exercise, Miss Gillam decided to share her struggle with the hope that she can inspire others with similar problems.

'I think it is so important for us all not matter what struggle we are going through to know that we are strong and we can overcome anything,' she wrote alongside her vlog.

'Life isn't always easy and has its ups and downs but we have to fight and try to stay positive and know that we can overcome almost anything we put our minds to.'

If you need help or support for an eating disorder or body image issue, please phone 1800 334 673 or e-mail support@thebutterflyfoundation.org.au 

 

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