The massive lie behind the strikers getting a bonus Christmas holiday by making the rest of our lives our misery (and a surefire way to stop it)

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Do you remember the last time striking staff told us it was 'all about safety'?

That was the claim of militant junior doctors, who were actually striking about pay.

Once their real motives became patently obvious, the strikes were called off. And the BMA union showed itself for what it is: a mob of overpaid Labour stooges for whom everything is a political battle and to whom the average man in the street matters not one jot.

Strikes: Passengers wait for a delayed train service at London Victoria station this morning

This week's strike by Southern Railway is no different. Striking staff are holding banners saying 'This strike is all about safety'. It is not. It is about who is going to close the doors on the trains.

And now the Aslef union has revealed itself for what it is: an overpaid mob of militant Labour supporters who will happily make millions suffer to keep jobs for a handful of old boys — at vastly inflated salaries.

For 48 hours there will be no trains on any Southern Railway route, the worst disruption in 20 years.

About 300,000 passengers usually travel on 2,242 Southern services every weekday.

People who need to get to work are being told not to travel. A million workers, many of whom are on zero-hours contract, many of whom might well be self-employed, who need to get to work or they will be let go — are all told not to even bother trying.

All because the Fat Controller doesn't want to close a door.

Queuing at London Victoria: For 48 hours there will be no trains on any Southern Railway route

Forgive me if I don't sound sympathetic. But two weeks before Christmas close to a million people are being held to ransom by overpaid thugs who believe they are too special to shut a door.

How they get through daily life is remarkable. Do they have a doorman at home? Rotating doors on their downstairs bathroom?

The Crown Post Office staff who run the high street branches are no better. They are going on strike from Monday until after Christmas Day.

At least, that's what they call it. 'Striking worker' is an oxymoron. I prefer lazy b******s.

We all know what you are up to, you pathetic lot. You think you have cheated an extra week of holiday before Christmas.

Trying to be clever really isn't your thing. Stick to the lines you know best, like 'next please' or 'have you got a Post Office credit card?’

Waiting at Clapham Junction: People who need to get to work are being told not to travel

Customers will switch their delivery service to other, more reliable options. The Crown Post Office will continue to lose profits, more costs will need to be cut, and you will need to be fired.

When you are working as a self-employed delivery driver in three months’ time, paid 75p a parcel including fuel, insurance and parking fines, not owed sick pay, holiday pay or overtime, having to pee in a bottle to make up time, remember this week off you enjoyed.

Was it such a good move?

Believe me, I want workers to be treated fairly. But there has to be some balance, some compromise. Some middle ground.

Currently, unionised workers’ rights are out of control.

Union workers I know expect to take their full sick-leave allocation and stay home at the end of year if they haven't used it all up. Pregnant employees accrue holiday whilst on maternity leave and don't have to tell you when or if they are coming back to work.

Trains parked at Selhurst Railway Depot in South London during today's strike by train drivers

And I recently saw emails from an employee who fell sick on holiday, so took additional paid holiday in lieu on her return to compensate for being poorly on her sun lounger.

Sometimes I think ordinary workers have been legislated out of the game by grasping unions, making employing someone a huge gamble that can cripple a small business. Hence zero-hours contracts or the pressure to work 'self-employed'. The two things you never want to hear as a small business owner are 'I'm pregnant' and 'I've been signed off long-term sick'.

I have sympathy for all small business owners reluctant to hand out contracts for work. They can be the noose you end up wanting to hang yourself with.

But, dashing to the rescue like a weird, bald Superman with cystitis, Transport Secretary Chris Grayling is all over the news today in response to the fact Southern Railway has been running its service like live-animal-to-slaughter transport for the last 12 months.

He says when it comes to government action, he cannot rule anything out. But he cannot rule anything in, either.

Which is a little bit like being Nicole Scherzinger: you open your month but nothing of any value comes out. And no one remembers anything you said.

The Crown Post Office staff who run the high street branches are going on strike from Monday

But fear not. I have the solution.

Frankly, I'd call in the striking Southern Railway staff and sack the lot. Give their cushy jobs to some of the self-employed commuters on zero-hours contracts affected by their strike, who would rip your hand off for the comfort of a secure job with holiday pay, sick leave and overtime. And bank holidays thrown in for free.

Closing a door would not be a challenge to these grafters.

I'd send a letter (by Parcelforce, obviously) to the striking Crown postal workers and make their Secret Santa gift a P45 — and wish them a happy new year as a self employed delivery driver, sorting parcels in their garden shed for 75p a packet, being shouted at by a mad woman with four kids whose delivery is running late, and paying for their own cover if they need to take a day off sick.

And I would suggest we take a fresh look at the way we run the rail networks in this country. Last week my train was held for two hours because there was no driver. This week they forgot a heavily reserved carriage B (who forgets a whole carriage?). And if an inspector tells me once more I paid for a ticket, not for a seat, I may well end up paying compensation for his new teeth.

When you are in a fine old mess, you don't mess about. Sack the striking workers. Sort out the trains. And stop lying to us that it is all about safety.