'You'll cry non stop, have nipples the size of planets and will NEVER have a hot coffee again': Mother reveals the things to expect when you decide to have a baby

  • Melbourne blogger and mother Tina Pik opened up about pregnancy and babies
  • In an honest blog post she revealed what they don't tell you about motherhood
  • She spoke about the changes to her body, lack of sleep and cold coffee
  • She went in to the finer details of childbirth, detailing what an 'episiotomy' is

By Lauren Grounsell For Daily Mail Australia

Published: 17:17 EST, 11 January 2017 | Updated: 17:19 EST, 11 January 2017

Having a baby is full of surprises, just ask this Melbourne mum.

Tina Pik, who writes the blog Hangry By Nature, has revealed the things they don't tell you about pregnancy and babies.

From 'gargantuan target-like' nipples to the finer details of just what an episiotomy is, Ms Pik shared a no holds barred look at motherhood... and it will either make you laugh or cry.

Spekaing out: Melbourne mother and blogger Tina Pik has revealed what they don't tell you about pregnancy, childbirth and babies

A perk of being pregnant is the 'pregnancy glow': the radiant skin and thick, luscious hair.

But according to Ms Pik, it's not to last.

'You will hardly lose any hair for nine months because, well, hormones,' she wrote in her blog post.

'Now imagine nine months worth of hair deciding to all fall out at once.

'If I were to collect all the hair that has dropped on the floor after a shower, I could make myself a pimp a** fur coat.'

Motherhood unveiled: She said post-birth your hair falls out, your body goes through changes and you are severely sleep deprived 

What now? She spoke in detail about childbirth, and her horror at finding out what as 'episiotomy' is

Giving birth is also not without surprises.

Ms Pik shared her horror at learning just what an 'episiotomy' - a small incision made between the vagina and the anus during childbirth - is.

'Just to clarify, did you just say you're gonna tear me a new one?' she wrote.

'Seriously, I think doctors just use fancy medical terms to sugarcoat the fact that they're about to butcher your body.' 

Adorable: She said you would be the 'overprotective and paranoid' mother you never wanted to be

The joy of having a baby also comes with some some never-before-experienced body changes, starting with your breasts.

A few days after giving birth Ms Pik said compared her breasts with Mount Vesuvius: 'Spilling lava into an entire ancient township and turning everyone and everything into stone'. 

'Okay, maybe that was a bit dramatic. But that's how I felt the day my milk came in and I woke up feeling like I just came home from a Spring Break Wet T-shirt contest,' she said.

Your nipples also undergo changes, becoming 'the size of a planet'.

What they don't tell you: She said your nipples also undergo changes, becoming 'the size of a planet'

As well as sleep deprivation, Ms Pik said new mothers will never enjoy a hot coffee again. 

'It's cool, I mean pfft.. who likes their coffee hot anyway? It's kind of like having iced coffee, only at room temperature,' she wrote.

Then there's the issue of hormones. 

'Those hormones will also cause you to cry over spilled milk, cry because the sunset is just so beautiful, cry because you saw a picture of someone crying, and cry because you realised that you just ran out of salted caramel ice cream,' she wrote.

And lastly, Ms Pik said you will be that 'overprotective and paranoid' mother, as much as you don't want to be.

'Now I'm all like: "Holy moly, he's choking on water! Call the ambulance,' she wrote.

'Or when he lightly bumps his head on something I downright think he's about to go into a coma. Every single time.'

You can read more from Tina Pik on her blog Hangry By Nature, Instagram or Facebook page.  

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