Airline passenger's complaint about having to sit next to obese man 'the size of an infant hippopotamus' goes viral
- Traveller Rich Wisken said he paid an extra $A25 (£13.50) for exit row seat
- He was flying from Perth to Sydney and wanted more room
- But he found himself seated beside an obese man
As rage letters go, they don't come much more furious than the epistle sent to an Australian airline by a passenger seated next to a man as big as 'an infant hippopotamus' and who smelled like 'blue cheese' and a 'Mumbai slum'.
Traveller Rich Wisken wrote on a blog that he paid an extra $A25 (£13.50) for an exit row seat, expecting to travel from Perth to Sydney with more room than a normal economy seat.
But he found himself seated beside an obese man, leaving him to feel that he was pinned to his seat 'by a fleshy boulder.'
Viral: As rage letters go, they don't come much more furious than the epistle sent to an Australian airline by a passenger seated next to a man as big as 'an infant hippopotamus' (file photo)
When he tried to change seats, he found those that were empty were taken by passengers who had stretched themselves out to lie in comfort.
Mr Wisken returned to his exit row seat and 'it was then I realised that my fate was sealed.
'I made my way back to Jabba the Hutt (the blob creature in Star Wars) and spent the remainder of the flight smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid noxious gas poisoning.'
It might be gathered by now that Mr Wisken was not at all happy with the four-and-a-half-hour flight and has penned a furious letter to the airline, Jetstar, a subsidiary of Qantas.
Mr Wisken was not at all happy with the four-and-a-half-hour flight and has penned a furious letter to the airline, Jetstar, a subsidiary of Qantas
What made his ordeal worse was to find that two days later a flight to Melbourne he'd book with the airline was cancelled, as was a rescheduled flight.
On his third attempt, the flight was delayed for two hours.
On receiving his angry, but humorous, letter of complaint, Jetstar emailed him with an offer of a $A100 (£54) voucher in compensation, Sydney's Daily Telegraph reports today.
'Awesome work, Jetstar!' he wrote.
'Two of my flights in the past two days have been cancelled. You're so lucky that my favourite pastime is wasting both time and money getting to and from airports.
'Imagine how annoyed someone who doesn't LOVE wasting time and money would feel about this situation. Man, I'd hate to be that guy...'
MR WISKEN'S LETTER TO JETSTAR POSTED ON HIS BLOG
Do you like riddles? I do, that's why I'm starting this letter with
one. What weighs more than a Suzuki Swift, less than a Hummer and smells
like the decaying anus of a deceased homeless man? No idea? How about,
what measures food portions in kilograms and has the personal hygiene of
a French prostitute? Still nothing? Right, one more try. What's fat as
f***, stinks like shit and should be forced to purchase two seats on a
Jetstar flight? That's right, it's the man I sat next to under on my
flight from Perth to Sydney yesterday.
I boarded the plane, I mentally high-fived myself for paying the
additional $25 for an emergency seat. I was imagining all that extra
room, when I was suddenly distracted by what appeared to be an infant
hippopotamus located halfway down the aisle.
As I got closer, I was
relieved to see that it wasn't a dangerous semi-aquatic African mammal,
but a morbidly obese human being. However, this relief was short-lived
when I realised that my seat was located somewhere underneath him.
after I managed to burrow into my seat, I caught what was to be the
first of numerous fetid whiffs of body odour. His scent possessed hints
of blue cheese and Mumbai slum, with nuances of sweaty flesh and human
faeces sprayed with cologne - Eau No.
Considering I was visibly under
duress, I found it strange that none of the cabin crew offered me
another seat. To be fair, it's entirely possible that none of them
actually saw me. Perhaps this photo will jog their memories.
Pinned to my seat by a fleshy boulder, I started preparing for a 127 Hours-like escape. Thankfully though, the beast moved slightly to his left, which allowed me to stand up, walk to the back of the plane and politely ask the cabin crew to be seated elsewhere. I didn't catch the names of the three flight attendants, but for the purpose of this letter, I'll call them: Chatty 1, Chatty 2 and Giggly (I've given them all the same surname - Couldnotgiveash***).
After my request, Chatty 1
and Chatty 2 continued their conversation, presumably about how s***
they are at their jobs, and Giggly, well, she just giggled. I then asked
if I could sit in one of the six vacant seats at the back of the
aircraft, to which Giggly responded, "hehehe, they're for crew only,
hehehe". I think Giggly may be suffering from some form of mental
I tried to
relocate myself without the assistance of the Couldnotgiveas***
triplets, but unfortunately everyone with a row to themselves was now
lying down. It was then I realised that my fate was sealed. I made my
way back to Jabba the Hutt and spent the remainder of the flight
smothered in side-boob and cellulite, taking shallow breaths to avoid
noxious gas poisoning. Just before landing,
I revisited the back of the
plane to use the toilet. You could imagine my surprise when I saw both
"crew only" rows occupied by non-crew members. I can only assume Giggly
let them sit there after she forgot who she was and why she's flying on a
big, shiny metal thing in the sky.
going out for dinner and a movie, only to have your night ruined by a
fat mess who eats half your meal then blocks 50% of the screen. Isn't
that exactly the same as having someone who can't control their calorie
intake occupying half your seat on a flight? Of course it is, so that's
why I'm demanding a full refund of my ticket, including the $25 for an
emergency row seat.
also looking to be compensated for the physical pain and mental
suffering caused by being enveloped in human blubber for four hours. My
lower back is in agony and I had to type this letter one-handed as I'm
yet to regain full use of my left side. If I don't recover completely,
I'll have to say goodbye to my lifelong dream of becoming Air Guitar
World Champion. If that occurs, you will pay.
To discuss my generous compensation package, email me at: email@example.com, or tweet me at: @RichWisken
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