The mothers who admit they're so glued to their phones, they ignore their children - and, just as disturbing, they're passing on their harmful screen addiction

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Kate Beavis can spend no longer than ten minutes helping her son Herbie with his homework before her eyes start flicking longingly towards the sideboard.

She can see it. She knows she shouldn’t, but she wants it. Really, really wants it.

The object of her lust is lying face-down with its volume switched off, but it might as well be serenading her.

Kate Beavis with her children Herbie, nine, and Kitty, six 

Soon, she can resist no longer. Leaving nine-year-old Herbie stranded mid-long division, she’s out of her chair and eagerly checking the messages on her mobile phone.

Like many of today’s busy working mothers, Kate, 44, from Cranfield in Bedfordshire, is a smartphone addict who admits to excessively using her phone in front of her children.

‘I’m on my phone almost the whole time when I’m with them,’ says Kate, who runs the National Vintage Wedding Fair and also has a six-year-old daughter, Kitty.

‘First thing in the morning, Kitty will climb into our bed for a cuddle, but I’ll be too busy reaching for my phone to see what I might have missed overnight.

‘Even when they’re doing their homework, I get distracted by my phone and can’t stop checking it. I don’t think I’ve ever really watched one of their swimming lessons.

‘Kitty will come out and say: “Mummy, did you see how I swam that length?” and I’ll have to fudge it and say: “Er, yes, how fantastic,” when it’s a blatant lie.

‘I feel terribly guilty about it. Kitty, especially, hates how I’m always focusing on the phone and not her and she tells me off about it.’

Excessive phone use among time-pressured modern parents is now such a widespread problem that one headmistress recently put her foot down; having had enough of mothers and fathers who were more engrossed in their gadgets than their children at the school gates, she put up signs telling them to ditch the devices.

The average person swipes, taps and pinches their smartphone display about 2,617 times a day

The notices, outside three entrances to St Joseph’s RC Primary School in Middlesbrough, read: ‘Greet your child with a smile, not a mobile,’ along with a drawing of a person with a phone to their ear, crossed out inside a red circle.

Liz King, headmistress of St Joseph’s, said: ‘We are always looking at ways to engage parents and we’ve got the signs at each entrance. They are simple, but they carry a really important message. We are trying to develop our speaking and listening in school and we thought it was a clear way to get the message across.’

It is an admirable response to what is becoming an increasingly common problem. Research by software producer Dscout shows the average person swipes, taps and pinches their smartphone display about 2,617 times a day — or nearly one million times a year — taking an astonishing 2.42 hours out of every day.

Bathan Dixon with her son George

There is also a top 10 per cent of ‘power users’ who touch their phone 5,427 times in the day — taking up 3.75 hours daily. These tech addicts touch their phones two million times over the course of a year.

Many will see these findings as no more than a sign of the times — until you consider how our phone usage affects children.

Research has irrevocably linked children’s social media habits to those of their parents. And when you consider that children’s use of technology and social media has in turn been linked to a whole range of issues from sleep deprivation to weight gain and developmental problems, suddenly the matter starts to seem far more serious.

To her infinite shame, Kate Beavis has seen it for herself. While her daughter Kitty demands attention and complains about Kate’s attachment to her phone, her son Herbie has responded very differently.

‘He has stopped talking to me as much, and is always head down and focused on his own phone or tablet, playing games,’ says Kate. ‘I think he sees that I’m on it, so he goes on it too. I know it’s hampering our relationship.’

Dr Aric Sigman, psychologist and lecturer in child health education, agrees that parents’ habits can negatively influence children.

‘Being a role model is very important for a child’s health,’ says Dr Sigman. ‘Just as a parent can create good habits in terms of food, exercise and alcohol use, so they can with screen misuse or overuse.

‘When a child sees his parent looking constantly at a smartphone, it’s likely the child will also value this activity over other interactions.

‘Add this to the fact that children are simply not moving as much as they did in the past — a recent Health Survey for England showed that the average sedentary time on weekdays was 3.3 hours for boys and 3.2 hours for girls, and this increases at the weekends — then you can see why this is a grave problem.’

There is also the issue of a child’s emotional development.

A 2014 study by UCLA found that when screen time limits face-to-face interaction, children’s social skills may be negatively affected, potentially causing problems in later life.

Bethan fears her phone use is distracting her from being with her son

‘If there’s a lot more eye-to-screen contact, then there’s a lot less eye-to-eye contact with your child,’ adds Dr Sigman. ‘Giving children your undivided attention is essential for their emotional development.

‘If a child is receiving the message that the phone is more important than them, it will ultimately affect the parent/child relationship.’

This is something that concerns Bethan Dixon, a stay-at-home mother to her three-year-old son, George.

‘George asked me for a snuggle on the sofa recently, and a minute later said: ‘“No, without your phone, Mummy!” I suddenly realised that I was missing out on just being with him such a lot of the time,’ says Bethan, 25, from Stockport.

‘There were times when he’d be talking and trying to explain something to me and I’d be distracted by my phone and would just say: “Yes, yes” — without really listening.

‘Once, after we’d made a batch of fairy cakes together, I went on my phone and heard him ask for a fairy cake. I said yes, without looking. When he asked again a few minutes later, I kept automatically saying yes. When I eventually glanced up from my phone, I found six empty fairy cake wrappers on the table.

‘My husband Adam notices how glued I am to my phone and will often tell me to put it down. I know there are times when I’m not giving him my attention, and while I’m always physically there with him, he’s often in the background — and I know that’s not right.’

Of course, most mothers would be horrified to be accused of neglecting their children for their smartphones.

Jude Clay says her 17-month-old son Theo is extremely vocal about her phone use

But Sue Palmer, author of Toxic Childhood: How The Modern World Is Damaging Our Children And What We Can Do About It, believes they have a real responsibility as the key attachment figure in their children’s lives.

‘Children do need eye contact,’ she says. ‘The younger they are, the more egocentric they are and without it, there will be averse affects in terms of their confidence and self-respect.

‘Some 75 per cent of our communication is non-verbal, so being able to read faces is crucial and the younger the child, the more engaging with them really matters.’

Jude Clay recently came to this realisation for herself. The 34-year-old charity worker and parent blogger from Epsom, in Surrey, has a 17-month-old son, Theo, who is extremely vocal about Jude’s phone use.

‘He gets very upset when I use my phone in front of him,’ says Jude. ‘As he’s been growing up, I’ve used my phone to take millions of photos of him and some videos — but also to keep an eye on the real world through social media and news websites, especially while I was on maternity leave, often checking it every 20 minutes or so.

‘Theo’s now got to an age where he knows how to demand my full attention and isn’t afraid to vocalise that, either by crying as soon as I pick up my phone or even hitting it out of my hand sometimes.’

Jude admits she found the first few months of motherhood hard, and her phone became a lifeline to the outside world. She used it to chat to other mums on forums, a much-needed reprieve from the daily slog as well as a font of useful advice.

‘I had a life before my baby, and I suppose I saw my phone as a way of re-entering that world,’ she says.

‘But I soon realised I probably didn’t have the right balance with it. Theo was getting older and time was passing quickly, and I’d feel terrible if using my phone for any reason got in the way of a special moment or memory.’

Dr Hayley van Zwanenberg, a child psychiatrist and medical director of Woodbourne Priory Hospital in Birmingham, is sympathetic to the isolation of new mothers. ‘Being removed from the social aspects of work, as well as losing part of your personal identity as a working woman, can be a big shock,’ she says.

‘Many use the internet to seek reassurance about their parenting and to keep socially connected with family, friends and colleagues.’

However balance, as Jude says, is key.

‘Children can feel that they are not being given enough attention by their parent and they are not a priority,’ says Dr Zwanenberg. ‘This may lead to children feeling sad, or they may try to get a parent’s attention in negative ways.

‘Instead, we should be developing a “talk not tap” culture and introducing regular time where we put phones away.

Kate is determined to make changes

‘Phones should not be present at the dinner table or when you are greeting your child after school or a club.

‘Time in the car as a family should be used for chatting not texting; this is a good time to get your child’s attention to discuss important topics.

‘Parents also need to offer one-to-one positive attention to their children each day, without distractions.’ Ultimately parents, like children, need boundaries when it comes to screen time.

‘I am sure that most parents set limits for their children about phone use and they need to apply similar rules to themselves,’ adds Dr Zwanenburg.

‘They need to decide certain times of the day when to put their phones away and focus on their face-to-face relationships. If children have to put their phones away at a certain time, then parents should do so, too.

‘Parents need to ensure they have time for affection every day with their children. They need to hear about their children’s day, their concerns and their interests, and make them feel they are important beyond anything else.’

Kate Beavis is certainly determined to make changes. ‘Our dinners are now technology free, and I’m trying to put my phone in another room when my children are home,’ says Kate.

‘I’ve missed out on too much already by not playing or talking to my children enough, and I don’t want that to continue.’