'At the lowest points in my life, I kept hearing how much BETTER I looked': Kesha reveals how cruel social media comments and unflattering paparazzi pictures fueled her eating disorder

  • Kesha, 30, has spoken about her struggle with an eating disorder, which began around 2011
  • She went to rehab for treatment in early 2014 
  • Cruel comments about her body fueled her disorder; she now makes sure to take breaks from social media
  • In her suit against producer Dr. Luke, emails were submitted to the court which demonstrate ways in which Dr. Luke allegedly bullied her about her weight 

By Carly Stern For Dailymail.com

Published: 12:06 EST, 18 May 2017 | Updated: 12:58 EST, 18 May 2017

Nearly three and a half years since Kesha went to rehab to seek treatment for an eating disorder, the 30-year-old says she is doing much better — and reassure others who might be going through something similar.

In a new essay for Teen Vogue, the signer shared how paparazzi pictures and unkind words fueled her illness, admitting how awful it was when people unknowingly encouraged her to keep it up.

'The sick irony was that when I was at some of the lowest points in my life, I kept hearing how much better I looked,' she said. 'I knew I was destroying my body with my eating disorder, but the message I was getting was that I was doing great.' 

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Moving on: In a new essay, Kesha reached out to fans who are struggling with eating disorders and other mental health issues

Moving on: In a new essay, Kesha reached out to fans who are struggling with eating disorders and other mental health issues

The 30-year-old struggled with an eating disorder of her own, which began around 2011 (pictured)
In January 2014, she sought treatment (pictured in November 2013)

Changes: The 30-year-old struggled with an eating disorder of her own, which began around 2011 (left). In January 2014, she sought treatment (pictured right in November 2013)

Kesha said that she's always been an 'outcast', and was bullied from the time that she was a kid because she dressed and acted differently from her peers. 

But the bullying she faced when she was younger, she noted, was nothing compared to what kids face today — and what she faced as an adult.

'When I think about the kind of bullying I dealt with as a child and teen, it seems almost quaint compared with what goes on today,' she said. 'The amount of body-shaming and baseless slut-shaming online makes me sick.'

She faced plenty of that body-shaming. Kesha said that the comments she would read online would make her feel unlovable, and only made her eating disorder worse.

Kesha (pictured in August) said when she was at her lowest point emotionally, people on the internet were telling her how great she looked
Kesha (pictured in November 2013) said when she was at her lowest point emotionally, people on the internet were telling her how great she looked

Struggling: Kesha (left in August 2011, right in November 2013) said when she was at her lowest point emotionally, people on the internet were telling her how great she looked

Snap: She said that cruel comments and paparazzi pictures fueled her disorder

Snap: She said that cruel comments and paparazzi pictures fueled her disorder

Back in the day: Kesha (pictured right in her 2004-2005 high school yearbook) said she was bullied as a kid, too

Back in the day: Kesha (pictured right in her 2004-2005 high school yearbook) said she was bullied as a kid, too

After struggling with the issue for several years, she check  into Timberline Knolls rehab center near Chicago, Illinois in January of 2014 for a month-long treatment program.

'I felt like part of my job was to be as skinny as possible and, to make that happen, I had been abusing my body,' she explained to her fans at the time. 'I just wasn't giving it the energy it needed to keep me healthy and strong.'

Now, she's reaching out to her fans again, telling anyone dealing with any sort of mental health issues not to be ashamed.

'I want to pass along the message to anyone who struggles with an eating disorder, or depression, or anxiety, or anything else, that if you have physical or emotional scars, don’t be ashamed of them, because they are part of you,' she said.

'Remember that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. And that no one can take the magic you make.'

Kesha also explained the ways in which she takes better care of herself now, being sure to take breaks from social media and spend time in nature. 

On the mend: Kesha, pictured in May of this year, is now taking better care of herself

On the mend: Kesha, pictured in May of this year, is now taking better care of herself

Seeking justice: She is also no longer spending time with Dr. Luke, whom she sued last year

Seeking justice: She is also no longer spending time with Dr. Luke, whom she sued last year

Villain: She accused the producer of abusing her and alleged that he regularly fat-shamed her

Villain: She accused the producer of abusing her and alleged that he regularly fat-shamed her

Of course, the singer has also severed ties with producer Dr. Luke, whom she has accused of drugging, raping, and otherwise abusing her.

Emails submitted to the court in her suit against Dr. Luke even outlines ways in which he likely contributed to her eating issuers.

'We all get concerned she is breaking her diet plan…we have seen it happen multiple times…almost every day,' he wrote in June 2012 to Kesha's manager Monica Cornia. 

He later elaborated that the diet plan she broke was an all-juice cleanse, during which she had turkey and a Diet Coke.

According to sources who spoke to TMZ, Dr. Luke also told Kesha in 2012 that she 'looks like a f***ing refrigerator'.

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