'Oh yummy! I simply adore a wedding toast': Pippa's advice on how to get married, as told to CRAIG BROWN

Published: 20:55 EDT, 17 May 2017 | Updated: 21:03 EDT, 17 May 2017

e-mail

Pippa's big day is on the horizon, with her marriage to James Matthews taking place on Saturday

1 Marriage is a solemn and sacred ceremony. Answering your mobile phone while saying your vows is not considered good manners, though discreet texting is acceptable.

2 It is conventional to give the newlyweds a present. This is traditionally known as a ‘wedding present’. When choosing a ‘wedding present’, bear in mind the sort of present the couple might want. Most couples prefer to be given something that they want rather than something they will have to throw away.

3 For instance, if they already have a complete china tea service, with matching plates, cups and saucers, then is it really wise to give them another complete china tea service, with matching plates, cups and saucers, in the same design? Better to pick something appropriate, such as a stethoscope (if they are doctors or nurses) or a scarecrow (if they are farmers).

4 After the wedding ceremony, guests may expect a meal. If you are providing 100 or so guests with a full three-course meal, then do remember to order it in advance. The last thing you want is to be caught bustling around in the back of your fridge in a wedding dress, in search of something suitable to offer them all.

5 It’s best if a wedding reception is held indoors, or in a marquee, particularly in windswept or snowy conditions.

6 If this is impossible, guests should be encouraged to wear anoraks, thick woolly jumpers, gloves and other forms of protective clothing.

7 Food is best served on plates, while drinks are better served in glasses, so that they don’t spill.

8 When serving champagne, take special care not to point the cork at your mother-in-law’s eyes when opening, as it may cause injury.

9 If a major injury occurs when opening the champagne, then drive at once to the A&E department of your local hospital.

10 To avoid disruption, when leaving for hospital, you can always pretend to your fellow guests that you are just ‘nipping out’ to obey the ‘call of nature’. But if you do offer this excuse, be sure not to stay too long at the hospital or inquisitive guests may start to ask questions.

11 Food is best served on a table or tables, unless you are only offering ‘hand-held’ food. Food involving a sauce, gravy or ice cream is unsuitable for eating with the hands unless protective clothing, such as gloves, rainwear and galoshes, has been provided.

12 Sandwiches are perfect ‘finger food’. Sandwiches are best made by placing two slices of bread together, with their buttered sides pointing inwards rather than outwards.

13 Many people like a ‘filling’ in their sandwich. Suitable fillings include Marmite, jam, peanut butter, smoked salmon, cucumber and chocolate spread, though generally not all at once.

14 Unsuitable sandwich fillings include soup and stew.

15 Rather than simply stare straight ahead in silence, guests at your wedding reception should be encouraged to engage in conversation. This should follow tried-and-tested lines, eg: ‘Hello. How are you? Nice to meet you.’ ‘I am very well. And how are you? Nice to have met you. Cheerio.’

16 Chatting is a good way for strangers to ‘get to know’ one another. It also fills that awkward time between the beginning of a reception and its end.

Pippa, 33, is marrying multi-millionaire hedge fund boss James Matthews, 41 (pictured left)

17 Speeches are traditional at weddings. Unlike conversations, they involve one person talking without being interrupted, often for minutes at a time.

18 Before you stand up to make a speech, it is wise to have some idea of what you are going to say. TOP TIP: Rather than talk about an unrelated subject, eg, A Brief History Of The Traction Engine, The Mysteries Of The Orient or Brexit: The Way Ahead, why not make your speech ‘event specific’ and say a few words about the couple who have just got married?

19 Making The Toast. This is not to be confused with Making Toast. One involves proposing a toast to the bride and groom. The other involves placing a slice of bread in an electric toaster and waiting a few minutes while it goes brown and crispy. If you wish to ‘make toast’ at a wedding, then it is advisable to provide your own electric toaster, as the kitchen may well be busy.

20 In a spirit of good-natured fun, it is traditional for the guests to tie tin cans to the back of the bride and groom’s car. If the couple are not well off, and have been obliged to depart on foot, then these tin cans should be attached to their clothes instead.