PLATELL'S PEOPLE: Pippa Middleton's wedding is big on money and short on class

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All that’s missing are the gaudy matrimonial thrones for the newlyweds to be photographed on by Hello! magazine.

The couple are clearly in love and I wish them every happiness. 

But with 300 ‘close’ family and friends, a £40,000 dress, a £100,000 glass marquee and 17lb of Beluga caviar, it seems the only thing Pippa Middleton’s wedding is short of is good taste.

To be fair, Pippa always faced a dilemma. How could she compete with the pageantry of sister Kate’s nuptials? By throwing money at it, that’s how! Experts estimate the cost must be nearly £1 million.

With 300 ‘close’ family and friends, a £40,000 dress, a £100,000 glass marquee and 17lb of Beluga caviar, it seems the only thing Pippa Middleton’s wedding is short of is good taste

But when your intended, James Matthews, is a hedge-fund multi- millionaire, money and vulgarity are not in short supply. Only class is.

Perhaps the groom’s brother, Spencer, has been advising them. The colourful reality TV show star became well known on E4’s Made In Chelsea — he was booted off I’m A Celebrity after confessing to taking bodybuilding steroids.

One might have thought that, as sister to the future Queen, Pippa would have planned something more discreet — especially as Prince George and Princess Charlotte will be pageboy and bridesmaid, and Kate and William will be there.

The royal presence explains why mobiles and cameras are banned. 

There is also a dress code forbidding revealing outfits and an etiquette rule discouraging guests from talking to the Royals, unless spoken to first.

To be fair, Pippa always faced a dilemma. How could she compete with the pageantry of sister Kate’s nuptials? By throwing money at it, that’s how (pictured, Pippa at Kate's wedding)

St Mark's Church in Englefield, Berkshire which is to be the wedding venue for Pippa Middletons and James Matthews

The irony is it was Pippa’s Clingfilm dress, showing off every curve of her shapely derriere to perfection, that seemed to be a cynical attempt to steal the show at Kate’s wedding.

We’re told it’s a private event, but I wonder if self-promoting Pippa would be too upset if some photos reached a wider audience.

They would be perfect to illustrate a wedding-themed sequel to her book Celebrate, for which she got a £400,000 advance.

Yes, every bride is entitled to her dream day, but I’m afraid this jamboree is crassly insensitive in this age of austerity. And it is hardly fair to Kate, who has not put a nude LK Bennett stiletto wrong as a modern royal.

As I say, I hope Pippa and James’s marriage will be as happy as Kate’s and William’s and as enduring as parents Carole’s and Michael’s.

I just wish it all wasn’t such an unabashed display of opulence. And let’s trust the couple keep those wedding photos to themselves.

A loser in life's lottery

When retired factory worker David Dawes won £101 million on Euro- Millions, he and second wife Angela’s first act was to give away £30 million to charity and family members, including his son Michael.

The boy quickly ploughed through £1.6 million and, after a family row, his father cut him off. Michael took his dad to court on the grounds that he expected to be looked after for life — and, sensibly, the judge threw the case out.

They’d quarrelled after Michael turned up for his stepmother’s birthday without even a gift. An expensive mistake.

So who'd be Fergie? 

Princess Eugenie says she wants Kate Beckinsale to play her if she ever appears in the hit Netflix drama The Crown. 

Yes, and Poldark’s red-haired beauty Eleanor Tomlinson to play mum Fergie, no doubt.

Princess Eugenie says she wants Kate Beckinsale to play her if she ever appears in the hit Netflix drama The Crown. Yes, and Poldark’s red-haired beauty Eleanor Tomlinson (pictured) to play mum Fergie, no doubt

Naked truth about film star's talent 

Delectable House Of Cards star Robin Wright, 51, campaigns for equal pay for male and female actors. She is upset that, despite promises she’d be on the same wage as her £384,000-per-episode co-star Kevin Spacey, she’s earning less.

Speaking of movie sexism, she says her worst experience was aged 17 at a Paris casting.

‘They said, “Lift up your top... No, I like the other one’s t***ies better”... I didn’t get the job.’ A shocking tale, but she seems to have suffered no lasting trauma. She appeared naked in several movies and is pictured topless in a magazine discussing her rigorous work-out for a new Wonder Woman film.

Perhaps if actresses like Robin didn’t use their bodies to promote themselves they might be treated as the equals of men. I can’t recall a single topless picture of Kevin Spacey. He just relies on his talent.

Revealing details of her affair with Mick Jagger while he was courting Jerry Hall, the author Natasha Fraser claims the rocker ravished her when she was 17. 

After Jerry found out, Mick gave her a fur coat. 

Which raises the question: how many thousands of innocent mink have been sacrificed over the years for this dirty old man’s libido? 

Revealing details of her affair with Mick Jagger while he was courting Jerry Hall, the author Natasha Fraser claims the rocker ravished her when she was 17

Arriving home after almost three years in jail for child sex offences, Rolf Harris can now be with his sick wife Alwen, 85. 

I’ve met her several times and she was fragile, yet devoted to him. 

What a tragic way to live out her last years — and what a terrible way for him to repay her loyalty.

Just tell the police! 

A group of Bristol University students has been hailed as ‘brave’ after setting up Snapchat forum #RevoltAgainstSexual Violence, in which they reveal the shocking extent of attacks on campus.

The women agreed to be videoed, one of them even describing how she was raped three times.

But harrowing though their testimonies are, surely the really brave thing would have been to report any sexual attacks to the police, rather than whip up a social media storm.

A loser in life's lottery

When retired factory worker David Dawes won £101 million on Euro- Millions, he and second wife Angela’s first act was to give away £30 million to charity and family members, including his son Michael.

The boy quickly ploughed through £1.6 million and, after a family row, his father cut him off. 

Michael took his dad to court on the grounds that he expected to be looked after for life — and, sensibly, the judge threw the case out.

They’d quarrelled after Michael turned up for his stepmother’s birthday without even a gift. 

An expensive mistake.

A mother of three who posted a mildly critical review of a Tunbridge Wells restaurant on TripAdvisor received a solicitor’s letter threatening to sue her for damages and even put her in jail. All she did was say the food was mediocre and the staff not particularly helpful. Watch out Basil Fawlty!

Diet another day, Pierce! 

Celebrating his 64th birthday, former Bond hunk Pierce Brosnan is seen kissing his wife of 16 years, Keely Shaye Smith, on a Hawaii beach. 

Both are showing a little middle-aged spread, but the sweetness of that kiss proves that lasting love isn’t about watching your waistline.

Celebrating his 64th birthday, former Bond hunk Pierce Brosnan is seen kissing his wife of 16 years, Keely Shaye Smith, on a Hawaii beach

He tried to hire hitmen to bump her off and inherit her fortune. He visited hookers after she’d ‘gone off sex’ while ill with breast cancer. Then he lavished the £50,000 that she’d given him on his Lithuanian prostitute lover.

Yet David Harris’s partner, Hazel Allinson, is standing by him, though a jury found him guilty of soliciting to murder, and he could face life.

Harris is also stupid — one of the ‘hitmen’ was an undercover cop.

The only person who comes out looking even more idiotic from this is long-suffering Allinson.

Once-troubled pop star Miley Cyrus regrets appearing in a video naked on a wrecking ball. 

She says: ‘If you get past the point that I’m naked and you actually look in my eyes I look... sad.’ Sorry, Miley, no one noticed your eyes.