At 43, the Golf GTi looks better than ever and, wow, it’s fast. But why do its brilliant designers give up when they get to the interior?
VW Golf GTi
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Lots of well-known successful people are frightened to death of revealing the circles in which they now move, and the crazy things they get to see and do for fear of being pilloried as over-privileged, spoilt and generally out of touch. Which, of course, can absolutely be the case. The flip side, however, is that when genuinely funny and extraordinary things happen, hardly anyone gets to hear about them.
For example, this week a bloke I know – a man you will definitely have heard of – who lives next door to another bloke you’ll have heard of, sees his next-door neighbour approaching his garden – in a helicopter. The other bloke is in the middle of his stag do and wants to know if the first bloke, despite previous protestations about having to get up at stupid o’clock the next day for work, fancies popping over for a mid-stag beer or two. The implication being that, if time really is the issue, he will fly him the 50 yards over the garden fence and back again. Now I think that’s hilarious.
Look at the flow of the roofline and the way it seems to disappear into thin air as it cuts across the horizon
And that sweet behind, which looks like it’s being gently patted down by a giant invisible hand
The story goes that the first bloke just about managed, albeit achingly, to resist this most extreme form of temptation and pleasure-bullying, turning in early instead and going to bed just after nine like the true pro that he isn’t. Had this been ten years ago, well, let’s not even go there. Besides, not only did I, sorry, he have a radio show to do the next morning, he also had a rather important car to review.
Hail the all-time king of old-school, cool hot hatches! The invincible Golf GTi. Of course, there have been challengers over the years. Peugeot’s 205 GTi, Ford’s Escort XR3i and the Escort RS Turbo to name but three. And each a peach within its own picnic, but all since long gone. Available nowadays via auction at eye-watering prices. You want a mint RS Turbo? Then you’re going to need around £60k – at least!
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Which is more than twice the price of the new 2017 GTi. My, what a cleverly designed car this new Golf is. Right up there with the Fiat 500 for best reimagined classic. I don’t think the GTi has ever looked better than it does today. They say that by the age of 50 we humans get the face we deserve, one of the clichés I have always both liked and agreed with. Now it seems the GTi is suggesting this rule may well apply to motor cars. The only caveat being that, at 43 years of age, it’s either arrived there seven years early, or is set to become even more handsome by 2024.
Take the flow of the roofline, for example, and the way it seems to disappear into thin air as it cuts across the horizon. And that sweet behind, which looks like it’s being gently patted down into the tarmac by a giant invisible hand. The pinstripe shoulder line that also tapers off into nothing, the single pencil stroke of a supremely confident designer allowing himself to be guided by nothing more than the breath of Mother Nature. Even something as usually forgettable as the petrol filler flap is a work of art, so ultimately minimalist but perfectly proportioned, and positioned to become a subtle reference point to every signature line from the B pillar to the rear bumper. Pure design genius.
Then there’s the face itself with that killer headline combination of GTi trademark black, red and silver – the most consistent, famous constellation in the known motoring universe. Never better than in this incarnation.
One consistent thing about Golf GTis is that they have always been far better-looking on the outside than they have on the inside
On start-up, the 2.0-litre four-cylinder engine can sound a tad underwhelming. But it’s OK, all you have to do to remedy this void is plant your right foot and wait for a millisecond...
What then of the back of this best-ever looking Golf GTi? Well, here’s the thing. Save for the bazooka-style twin tailpipes, things become much quieter, but I interpreted this as entirely intentional. A literal beginning, middle and end in the 2017 GTi director’s cut. Our epic opens with an explosion of enticement and excitement from the front, followed by a glorious aftershock of energy bisected and deflected gracefully down either wing, before calamity and chaos are nipped in the bud and any potential disaster is averted by the pragmatism and resolve of an everyday hatchback.
So I must be madly in love with this car, right? Well actually no, not at all. Because the other consistent thing about Golf GTis is that they have always been far better-looking on the outside than they have on the inside. And this one is no different. I don’t want to be in it, I just want to stare at it longingly on my drive. Notwithstanding the classic tartan trim and the novelty (almost naff but not quite) golf ball gear knob, the driver is greeted by a heavy wall of dreary black mundanity that stretches from one side of the cabin to the other. This is, for me, a massive turn-off. I don’t get it, I have never got it, and I will never get it.
Why has VW never deigned to bring the magnificence of the GTi’s exterior in from the cold? Surround me with the same promise of infinite joy and expectation once I’m in the car as you seem to find it so effortless to create when I’m standing next to the damn thing. It’s like a low-rent hire car in there. And while you’re at it, how about reintroducing an old-style pull handbrake into the mix? I lost count of the number of times I mourned its passing while behind the wheel.
Which gets us conveniently on to what this supermodel with the dodgy internal organs is like to drive. At which point I am to report, crack open the toothpaste, it’s time to smile again.
On start-up, the 2.0-litre four-cylinder engine can sound a tad underwhelming. But it’s OK, all you have to do to remedy this void is plant your right foot and wait for a millisecond... cue a sharp intake of induction as it roars, ‘So you wanna play, do you?’ To which the answer is yes please. A lot, please. Right now, please.
There are four driving modes, three of which can be immediately discounted. This car should only ever be driven in Sport mode, otherwise what’s the point?
Is it quick? Yes, it’s bloomin’ quick, but only by keeping the whole thing constantly wound will you get to appreciate fully all the 230hp being transmitted to the front wheels. In short, you have to release your inner nutter to discover what this car is truly capable of. Unlike the more powerful, track-inspired Golf R, which feels pretty special all the time without having to mainline insanity.
Brakes are good but not perfect, with braking at high speed causing the car to become slightly unsettled. Plus a couple of times the front wheels broke traction under hard acceleration on more uneven road surfaces. Cornering at full tilt, on the other hand, was a truckload of fun, with the car feeling totally planted and the steering quick and responsive.
This is undoubtedly the most handsome hatchback in the world today. It is worth every penny, but it’s still not a patch on the Golf R once the seat-belts are fastened and the key is turned. I just don’t know why VW doesn’t combine the two and let love fly. Which is almost precisely what I said last time around. The difference between first and second has undoubtedly narrowed, but surely now it’s time for the GTi and R to become one.
The VW GTRi.
Let us all pray.
