Jonah Goldberg
National Review senior editor Jonah Goldberg is a bestselling author and columnist and fellow of the National Review Institute. His nationally syndicated column appears regularly in scores of newspapers across the United States. He is also a weekly columnist for the Los Angeles Times, a member of the board of contributors to USA Today, and a contributor to Fox News. He was the founding editor of National Review Online. The Atlantic magazine identified Goldberg as one of the top 50 political commentators in America. In 2011 he was named the Robert J. Novak Journalist of the Year at the Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC). He has written on politics, media, and culture for a wide variety of publications and has appeared on numerous television and radio programs. He is the author of two New York Times bestsellers, The Tyranny of Clichés (Sentinel HC, 2012) and Liberal Fascism (Doubleday, 2008).
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Dear Readers (and people who use that computer-voice software), #ad#There will be no Goldberg File today (though there is a syndicated column on Geraldo Rivera’s ass-fat poisoning). I am off looking for Christmas presents (Hanukkah gifts, Kwanzaa loot, ... -
In the Shadow of Perfection
Yes. Yes, it’s cool. Yes, it’s as loyal to the book as a movie can be. Yes, it’s loyal to the Tolkien spirit. Yes, the Orcs are awesome. Yes, I will be seeing it again. And, yes, ... -
Patience, Andrew, Patience
EDITOR’S NOTE: Last Wednesday, in a column that was longer than and almost as disjointed as the wedding scene in The Deer Hunter, I wrote a long column criticizing Andrew Sullivan for having a solipsistic interpretation of conservatism, and “... -
Freedom Kills
First, George Bush refers to “the evildoers” at every turn, but insists on pronouncing it “the evil Dewars.” And now the major news networks are constantly referring to John Walker, the American Taliban, as “Johnny Walker”: “Is Johnny Walker un-American?” “... -
A Non-Column Column
It’s late, Thursday night. I am writing this to inform you that there will be no G-File Friday. It has to be this way. Tomorrow, Friday, I will be on a secret assignment for National Review. I can’t ... -
Goldberg Variations
“If CBS News were a prison instead of a journalistic enterprise, three-quarters of the producers and 100 percent of the vice presidents would be Dan’s bitches,’ Goldberg declares on Page 10.” #ad#That’s an excerpt from Matt Drudge’s account ... -
Cheer Up, Conservatives!
Last night I gave a rambling, sweaty, discursive talk to a bunch of Georgetown University students at the invitation of the Edmund Burke Society. It was a nice, smart gaggle of kids, willing to endure a sauna-like room made all ... -
On The Shoulders of Giants
It’s a cliché that in matters of national security, law enforcement, medicine, and household chores — to name just four — it is the mistakes that get all the attention. The CIA or FBI or NSA may have thwarted dozens of ... -
Give Tribunals a Try
At first, I just assumed someone slipped Bill Safire some bad acid. His column on Thursday was so histrionic in its conclusions, and so elliptical in its logic, I expected him to start screaming that there were spiders all over ... -
Canines to the Rescue
Editor’s Note: This ariticle originally appeared in the November 5, 2001, issue of National Review. It’s been widely remarked that the only allies we can count on from “the first . . . to the last” (Tony Blair’s words) are the British. ... -
Test Story DO NOT PUBLISH
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Cras ac massa ex. Nulla mattis rhoncus facilisis. Nam sodales fringilla neque, at auctor dolor tempus porttitor. Nullam vel justo arcu. Sed dignissim ex in augue blandit vehicula vehicula eu diam. Morbi ... -
This Is a Corrections Column
Since September 11, new readers have rushed to National Review Online like the American press corps flocking to the only Western-style toilet in Peshawar. My own column has gained thousands of new e-mail subscribers in the last two months alone. We ... -
A Decent Proposal
A couple weeks ago, I was listening to NPR while driving Cosmo the Wonderdog to a faraway park (Cosmo often feels the need to harass squirrels in foreign territory). At the end of a segment on something or other, an ... -
A New Cold War -- With a Twist
Everyone wants to pin a label on what we’re doing or about to do. Andrew Sullivan exclaims that this is a religious war in the aptly titled essay “This is a Religious War.” Francis Fukuyama clings to the proposition, ... -
Bye-Bye Brill's
When Osama bin Laden goes to Hell, if there’s any justice, he’ll be forced to spend at least a few days a month working with former Brill’s Content fact checkers. You might think taking time off from ... -
The Terrorist Mind
Let me share with you my theory as to why American Media, parent company of The National Enquirer, The Star, and other tabloid magazines, may have been targeted by Osama bin Laden’s anthrax-wielding henchmen. First, recall, if you will, ... -
By The People?
As we all know, democracy is not the best form of government. In pure democracies — which thankfully do not exist — 51 percent of the people can vote to atomic-wedgie 49 percent of the people. The very best form of government is that ... -
A Pre-Kirkian Try
Editor’s Note: This column is reccomended for Star Trek geeks and similarly interested parties only. Okay, the Vulcan chick is over the top. #ad#By now, anyone who cares (if you don’t, you shouldn’t be reading this ... -
L'Affaire Coulter
Dear Readers, As many of you may have heard, we’ve dropped Ann Coulter’s column from NRO. This has sparked varying amounts of protest, support, and, most of all, curiosity from our readers. We owe you an explanation. #ad#... -
Civilization Envy
Someone once noted that a “gaffe” in Washington is when a politician accidentally tells the truth. Thanks to globalization, this is a worldwide phenomenon. #ad#A Reuters story this morning begins, “Muslims around the world today demanded an apology from ... -
Strange Bedfellows
Editor’s note: Due to the intensity and volume of the e-mail from Friday’s column, I felt it necessary to come back to this well, at unforgivable length. If you’re tired of this topic, please fast forward to ... -
Truth Makes a Comeback
Have you noticed a lot of poetry around? No, I’m not speaking metaphorically about the heroism of firefighters or the eloquence of a nation united in grief. I mean, literally, there’s a lot of poetry floating around. Since ... -
A Nation's Response
Driving cross-country during a cataclysmic event like this is profoundly frustrating and deeply gratifying at the same time. It’s frustrating because friends, family, and events all are in places I’m not. The added fact that all of this ... -
Cowards
Mark Bingham phoned his mother. “I want you to know that I love you very much, in case I don’t see you again.” A short while later, Bingham’s plane crashed in the woods outside Pittsburgh. #ad#Peter Hansen ... -
Racism, Xenophobia, & Zahn
It’s 2:30 in the morning. Or maybe it’s 5:30 or 11:30. I can’t really tell, since my brain is in a minimum of three time zones. Currently, I’m in a typically typical Best Western in a town technically called ... -
On The Road, Late Day I & Day II
6:00 P.M.ish, August 16, 2001At first glance, you’d think Mishawaka, Illinois, is the type of place you’d hide out if you were a fugitive from justice. But it’s more like the kind of place where you’d ... -
On The Road Eve
At the end of the movie Goodfellas, Ray Liotta is frantically trying to make the pasta sauce, while at the same time picking his brother up from the airport and buying some new untraceable guns while also cutting up the ... -
Crossbows & Suicide Bombers
This column won’t be about stem cells, but if stem cells are what you’re looking for, check out the rest of NRO. We have more stuff, from more impressive people, than anyplace else on the web or on ... -
Marie-Antoinette Goes to Hollywood
Marie-Antoinette didn’t actually say “Let them eat cake!” In fact, she actually worked pretty hard to feed the poor. The legend comes from Rousseau’s Confessions, where he wrote that a “Great princess” had declared “Qu’ils mangent de ... -
The U.N.'S Racism Sham
“The whites must pay.” No this isn’t the latest rap song burning up the charts (but we all know it could be). Rather it’s what Muammar Gaddafi proposed as the solution to the thorny question of who precisely ... -
Planet for Planet
True story: During the filming of the original Planet of the Apes, the extras used to sit around during their meal breaks according to their species of ape. Still in costume, the gorillas would sit with gorillas, the chimpanzees would ... -
It's Not The Pervert's Problem
Brian Dalton is a vile human being. While on probation for pandering — the charge involved pornographic photos of little kids — Dalton kept a personal journal that described in graphic detail his fantasies for sexually abusing and brutalizing fictional children in ... -
Big Oil, Caribou, and Greed
I had a long talk with Poppa Goldberg last night. Poppa G (no relation to Kenny) knows more about good column-writing than the Pope knows about midget basketball and fly-fishing, put together. But I guess that’s not saying much. ... -
Hidden Law & Open Adultery
The increasingly liberal New Republic came out in favor of Gary Condit’s resignation last week. It seems this was precisely the sort of political cover Trent Lott had been looking for — the Republican Senate Minority Leader soon announced that ... -
Chandra, You Big Lug!
Note to Readers: Remember to buy coffee filters. Note to Editor: Try not to recycle the same jokes. Note Back to Readers: Point taken. Anyway, if you’re already sick of the Chandra Levy story, it’s gonna be a ... -
Corrections-a-Go-Go
Hello, I’m Jonah Goldberg. You may remember me from such medical films as Alice Doesn’t Live Anymore and Mommy, What’s Wrong with That Man’s Face? Or perhaps you know me from my work in Earwigs — Ewww! ... -
Brock's Self-Borking
One of the oldest jokes in the world is the one about the three-legged pig. There are dozens of versions, but they all basically go like this: #ad#There’s a traveling salesman making his way through the backwoods when ... -
The Trouble With Bipartisanship
My apologies for not filing yesterday. Circumstances beyond my control prevented me from getting the column done. And no, it wasn’t because a bunch of kids from Cato knocked me out, rolled me up in a carpet and spirited ... -
Benign Neglect
Calvin Coolidge, the second greatest Republican president of the 20th century, once said, “When you see ten troubles rolling down the road, if you don’t do anything, nine of them will roll into the ditch before they get to ... -
My Readers Write
The exciting news is that after months of toil and a barely acceptable loss of human life, the NRO masthead is finally up. Isn’t it amazing how some things seem like they’ll be so easy but turn out ... -
Humanizing Evil
Robert Nigh, Tim McVeigh’s lawyer, just concluded his statement about his client’s execution. He explained that we didn’t just kill Tim McVeigh today, but “we did much more than that. We also killed Sgt. McVeigh,” who served ... -
Things I'd Like to Know
Editor’s Note: Please remember to buy coffee filters. Editor’s Relevant Note: Please feel free to skip today’s column if you’re in that kind of mood. But skip the announcements on pain of death. We can do ... -
As Voyager Boldly Goes…
Editor’s note: This article is intended for people with at least beginner to intermediate fluency in Trek lingo. To explain everything would bore both the people who care about such weighty issues — and the people who don’t. “And ... -
Full Disclosure
There are times when writers come to a crossroads. There are also times when a writer comes to a cliché he swore he’d never use. So far this paragraph is two for two. #ad#Such a crossroads might be ... -
Back to The Bog
Okay, as I spent the whole morning getting a new driver’s license — including taking the road test again (there’s nothing better for your self-esteem), I suppose I’m behind the curve on the latest insta-analysis on this Jeffords ... -
Intolerable Tolerance
I have a high degree of confidence that I will see naked women tomorrow. These will be women lacking in the sort of protestant modesty and self-denial to which Max Weber attributed so much of America’s success. And while ... -
Just Kill Him
Am I the only one bored by the latest McVeigh story? It’s an awfully inappropriate pun, but the word that comes to mind is overkill. Tim McVeigh is a mass murderer. He is guilty. We know he’s guilty. ... -
This Is CNN
Yesterday, somebody from CNN called me. He asked, “Is this Jonah Goldberg?” I said, “Uh huh.” He asked, “Is this Jonah Goldberg of National Review?” #ad#I said, “Yep.” He said, “The one who wrote that article today?” I said, “... -
Occam's Spoons
William of Occam (or William Ockham) was a Franciscan scholar born in 1285. He was best known for being able to hold 14 boars’ snouts in his mouth at one time. Unfortunately, this was in his early fraternity years and nobody ever ... -
Invasion of The Obvious
On the Tuesday of last week the Associated Press broke a major story: “Scientists Say Men, Women Not Alike.” On Wednesday, AP topped its own scoop by blaring the news, “Study: Parents Can Affect Teen Sex.” Then on Thursday, Reuters ...
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Cabin Fever
For those of you truly sick of the libertarian-versus-conservative debate, let me just repeat that, as a conservative, I respect established authority. In this case, that happens to be my wife and she says I’m not allowed to play ... -
The Libertarian Lie
EDITOR’S NOTE: Yesterday I responded to Andrew Sullivan. Today I respond to the libertarians, primarily Reason magazine editor Nick Gillespie and former Reason editor Virginia Postrel. Virginia, whom I consider a friend, has also linked to numerous other sites ... -
The True Clash of Civilizations
I’ve been wading through e-mail in response to Wednesday’s column, and I still have over 300 e-mails from angry libertarians and Andrew Sullivan acolytes I haven’t even opened yet (this doesn’t even include all the e-mails from ... -
The Lind Shtick
Michael Lind wrote a very dumb piece for the New York Times yesterday. #ad#But before I get to that, I should put my cards on the table. Michael Lind has always annoyed me. In the early 1990s, because I ... -
Conservatism, Post-9/11
I gave a little talk at the Fabiani Society in New York last night. If you haven’t heard of the Fabiani Society, you’re forgiven — so long as you are not a movement conservative living in New York City ... -
Europeans Save The World
The Spanish, drawing deeply from their rich and storied two-and-a-half decades’ experience of democracy, are mumbling loudly about whether they will extradite 14 members of an al Qaeda cell to the United States. Brave members of the European Union, who feel ... -
Slippery Arguments
“I’ll give you women and blacks. But you can’t be serious about white men.” #ad#This was just one of the scores of dissenting e-mails I received over Thanksgiving weekend in response to last Wednesday’s column. I ... -
Blog and Mablog
When I first started writing this column (no, not this specific column — which began 4.5 seconds ago — but this feature), I was paid with the crusts of old sandwiches and the backwash of whatever sodas the editors of National Review couldn’... -
Profiles in Profiling
I’ve just returned from Boone, North Carolina. From what I saw — alas, not much — it’s a lovely mountain spot, nestled amidst thousands of those tall wood leaf thingies. I was in Boone to debate Nadine Strossen, the president ... -
War and Patience
There’s been a lot of editorializing lately that the war is going badly. In the current issue of National Review, there’s an editorial entitled “The Limits of Patience.” The editors feel that the war, as currently fought, isn’... -
2001: a Taliban Odyssey
One day in third grade, our teacher’s lesson plan called for us to figure out how old we would be in 2001. It wasn’t a math test so much as a technology lesson: how to use a pocket calculator — ... -
Dual Disloyalties
A day rarely goes by when I’m not accused of “dual loyalty” — or worse — by someone who doesn’t like Israel, America’s involvement with Israel, or bagel-eaters of any kind. Hell, if I even mention Israel in a ... -
Cynthia McKinney's Last Stand
I have a confession: It’s very difficult for me to be honest about how stupid I think some black politicians are without either sounding racist or being accused of racism. This is one of the reasons I don’t ... -
Ramadan-a-Ding-Dong
We’re about to enter the chapter of this story where Very Serious People fret about how bad it would be to continue our campaign of bombing Afghanistan forward into the Stone Age during the Muslim holy month of Ramadan (... -
Exorcizing Religion
I gave a speech in Hanover, Pennsylvania the other night. It was a delightful time. I’m in hot demand these days because of my olive-oil voice and guinea charm. Oh wait, that’s Johnny Fontaine from The Godfather. Sadly ... -
The World According to Me
Imagine we had someone in our custody on September 10 who we knew could tell us how to prevent the murder and destruction of the next day. Now, I think it would be unpleasant, but hardly morally impermissible, to take a ... -
Remembering The Obvious
If you subscribe to the central insight of conservatism, that there’s nothing new under the sun, it only make sense that certain adages always have some utility. But truisms aren’t scripture. Substituting clichés for actual thinking is ... -
Government Makes a Comeback?
Rcently I contributed a piece to the ten-year anniversary issue of Worth magazine. The theme was “the 100 people who changed the way we think about money,” or something like that. I wrote about George W. Bush. Writing well before the ... -
History Makes a Comeback?
Harold Stassen ran for president — unsuccessfully as I hope you know — somewhere between three and four thousand times. He was so indefatigable that in the 1970s, my mom came up with a dish called “Chicken Harold Stassen” because “You just ... -
Maher's Final Half Hour
Bill Maher, host of ABC’s Politically Incorrect, is under attack. Sears and Federal Express pulled their sponsorships of the show. Viewers are angry. Several affiliates have dropped him. His show is teetering on the brink of cancellation, all because ... -
Who Are We to Judge?
Note: My apologies for changing the topic of this column from the one advertised. But I received so many e-mails from people asking, “Who are we to judge?” or “What’s the answer to moral equivalence arguments?” that I couldn’... -
Censorship, So Far
It was inevitable. Like antibodies released before the disease even sets in, journalists, activists, and civil-libertarian worrywarts in general started right in fretting over the loss of freedom that would come as a result of this disaster. To date, I ... -
Rebuild It, Bigger
To be honest, I never liked the World Trade Center. I always thought it knocked the New York City skyline out of whack. The city looked more elegant when the Empire State Building was New York’s (and the world’... -
Where Were You When...?
Where were you when the World Trade Center collapsed? #ad#Well, I’m in Pendleton, Oregon. Virtually every important person in my life is in New York City or Washington, D.C. At 9:00 AM or so I called and left ... -
On The Road, Days II-IV
Deadwood, South DakotaThis is a pretty cool town, set at the foot of the Black Hills. It dances up to the line of over-the-top cheesiness — but never actually crosses it, except in a few very short sorties. The downtown part ... -
On The Road, Day 1
9:25 A.M., August 16, 2001Horror of horrors. I met Doug at the Starbucks near the Tenley Town metro around 9:00 P.M. We’re wearing shorts, Tevas (or whatever trendy brand of high-end open-toed shoes we’re wearing), and max-casual short-sleeved shirts. ... -
Being and Nothingness
Because today’s column is very long, and a bit weird, I’m running the announcements up top. #ad#First of all, t he recent NRO poll on Bush’s stem cell decision had some interesting results. Out of 8,000 votes ... -
Stereotypical Musings
A few years ago, some friends of mine and I rented a movie called Cutthroat Island. The only way Cutthroat Island could have been worse is if it were a Scientologist-funded tale about an Earth thrown into slavery by the ... -
Patients' Bill of Rightzzzzzz…Boring
There was an old Monty Python skit set during World War II in which a young British man writes the world’s funniest joke. It’s so funny that he dies from laughter. His mom goes upstairs and finds her ... -
The Summer Doldrums
Dear Readers (and very rich people or very illiterate people who have this column read to them): We are officially in the Summer Doldrums. Historically, this slow news period is when media types clean out their desks, organize their closets, ... -
Candid Camera, and Gamera
For my generation, at least in New York and other spots on the East Coast, there are really only two kinds of men: Dudes whose eyes light up when you say The 4:30 Movie and guys whose foreheads crinkle from lack ... -
Frankenjournalists
You would think the media would at least get tired of reporting the same thing over and over and over again. I mean I’m not looking for the gang at Newsweek and MSNBC to suddenly become warriors for the ... -
My Trial Balloon
I was going to write about immigration today. I wrote about it in my syndicated column yesterday and I figured, I’d get some extra bang out of my research buck. But about half way into this column, I changed ... -
French-Hating Pas De Deux
Ugh. Wednesday, I did something stupid. I wrote, “…it might be fun to set up a little challenge for myself. On Friday, I will write about whatever the story is on the upper left-hand corner of the New York Times.” #... -
It's Too Late, Baby
To be honest, I have no idea why I am writing about stem cells. Most of my NR and NRO colleagues are not only vastly better informed on the topic, but they have spent a great deal of time and ... -
Are Gays Fair Game?
In yesterday’s column about David Brock’s ongoing fire-sale of his own credibility, several readers insisted that I failed to mention two relevant items. First, I missed an opportunity to use an apt Simpsons line. After Bart sells his ... -
Rebates For Morons
I’m not a huge fan of the Bush administration’s rebate. It sounds perilously close to vote buying. Its critics on the Right and the Left have a perfectly valid point: $300 dollars is not enough money to make a ... -
The Libertarian Lobe
It may be a cliché to point this out (in fact I think it’s a cliché to point out it’s a cliché), but the great thing about being young is that you can do all sorts of things ... -
Keeping Whitey Out
On Sunday afternoon, I received several e-mails, all of which began something like this: “Can you believe the Washington Post is publishing this racist garbage!?” This morning, Andrew Sullivan began his online observations with a spleen-venting paragraph about the “Racism ... -
Europe, On The Whine
When the Democrats took over the Senate many Republicans noted that in many ways it’s easier to be in the minority. When you’re out of power, you can obstruct. You can criticize. You don’t have to make ... -
Taking Conservatism Seriously
For three years, I served on the Board of Trustees of my college as a “Young Trustee.” As with most colleges, Young Trustees are selected as a means of co-optation; bring a recent grad on board and then claim to ... -
Trash Talk
At this point I can’t keep it straight. The former residents of the White House may or may not have trashed their offices to stick it to the incoming Bush administration. The White House communications types may or may ... -
Leave Jenna Alone
The other night on Hardball with Chris Matthews, Katrina vanden Heuvel — America’s answer to a question no one asked — said that Jenna Bush has “a problem.” The editor of The Nation continued, “I just think, though, that if this ... -
Growing Up McCain
“It is well past time for the Republican party to grow up,” Sen. McCain declared in a statement yesterday. The “maverick” senator believes it’s “immature” for a political party to fret overly about the fact it lost control of ... -
Grading Greatness
My computer crashed when I was two-thirds through writing a brilliant and thoughtful essay on national-greatness conservatism. As it is now a little after one o’clock in the afternoon and I am very weary, I’ve decided it ain’... -
Green, Fuzzy Math
There’s a reason I don’t write about the intricacies of energy policy. It is very similar to my rationale for not delving too deeply into debates about macrobiotics, women’s lacrosse, or the fall line-up for the WB. ... -
Straight Talk On Gays
Because my old grade school banned the celebration of Mother’s Day in part because it was unfair to kids with two fathers I’ve found myself making an odd argument: The decision is bad for gays. As Andrew Sullivan ... -
My School Bans Mother's Day
Let me tell you a story about my days at the Rodeph Sholom Day School. When I was in first grade, my mom used to draw a whale on my brown paper lunch bag — a reference to the fact that ... -
Among The Gender-Benders
Yesterday, an ABC News wire story began, “San Francisco employees who feel they were born in the wrong body may soon get a little municipal help setting things right.” #ad#I could hardly contain my excitement! All I needed to ... -
Kerrey's Vietnam and Clinton's
Let’s put down one instant-myth before it becomes established as the “enlightened” way to discuss this Kerrey story. It is not wrong to judge Bob Kerrey for what he did in Vietnam. It is not wrong to judge him, ...