Two walls of wet paint - two contestants. But only one of them can make it through to the final: Let's watch that paint dry!

PUBLISHED: 19:58 EST, 27 March 2013 | UPDATED: 19:58 EST, 27 March 2013

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Following MasterChef and The Great British Bake-Off on the BBC comes The Great British Sewing Bee, in which eight 'sewing fanatics' — for obvious reasons, the programme can’t call them The Great British Sewers — battle it out for the top prize, against a background of tense, percussive music. What next? The Great British Paint-Watch...

Back to baking: The Great British Bake Off saw contestants go head-to-head to see who could make the best breads, pastries and cakes

Back to baking: The Great British Bake-Off, pictured, saw contestants go head-to-head to see who could make the best breads, pastries and cakes

Heavy drum beat.

VOICEOVER: Each week, two contestants battle for a place in the final. Only the strongest will ever make it to the final challenge. Watching paint dry doesn’t get tougher.

At his home in South London, art student Tim has been watching paint dry for the past two years.

TIM: Watching paint dry is my great passion. I could just sit and stare at the wall all day long. And no matter what it takes, I’m 100 per cent determined to take that Great British Paint-Watch Trophy back home with me.

VOICEOVER: For weeks leading up to The Great British Paint-Watch, former PR Tina has been setting her alarm early in order to smear paint on her bedroom wall and watch it dry.

Long-running: The competitive cooking show MasterChef, pictured, has been running on and off since 1990

TINA: Yes, I’ve been putting in a lot of practice. Frankly, I’ve been watching paint dry for ten or 12 hours at a time.

I’ve come a long way on this journey. I’ve never been bored so stiff in all my life. I’ve been bored to tears — so, yes, I think I can do it. I think I can stare blankly into space right through to that finishing line and beyond.

VOICEOVER: Just what kind of personal qualities will our judges be looking for in the winning contestant?

JUDGE ONE: I’m in search of that very special combination of extreme torpor and a total, but total, inability to think of something better to do than watch paint dry. Yes, it’s a big ask — but I’ve got every confidence that one of our contestants here today really is dull enough to pull it off.

New addition: The Great British Sewing Bee, which sees sewing fanatics compete for the number one spot, is the BBC's latest offering

JUDGE TWO: There can only be one winner. I’m looking for that special sort of person who can just sit there watching paint dry for hours on end, preferably with their mouth open, their eyes fully glazed and a slightly moronic expression on their face.

And he or she is going to be someone who’s not just got time on their hands, but got more time on their hands than anyone else in the universe.

JUDGE ONE: So, Tim, what are you planning for us today?

TIM: I’m planning to sit on my hands and stare blankly at some Off-White Emulsion Gloss drying on my wall for the next 12 hours.

JUDGE ONE: I admire Tim’s ambition but I rather wonder if he possesses those special qualities of drabness, lack of imagination and infinite tedium that will see him through to the end.

What will they think of next? Perhaps The Great British Paint-Watch will be the next 'entertainment' show to reach our TV screens

JUDGE TWO: Can you believe you’ve already made it this far, Tina?

TINA: It’s like a dream. One of those dreams where nothing dramatic happens, and when you wake up you can’t remember anything about it anyway. I feel like pinching myself, but on second thoughts I can’t be bothered.

JUDGE ONE: So this is it. The moment has arrived. Just one of you will be getting through to the final. We’ve come to the countdown. Five, four, three, two, one . . . Paint-watchers — let’s watch that paint dry!

VOICEOVER: The pressure is on. Two walls of wet paint — two contestants. But only one of them can make it through to the final.
Thumping heartbeat background music. Close-ups of contestants Tina and Tim staring at their two walls.

VOICEOVER: We’re nine-and-a-half hours in, and art student Tim is beginning to look fidgety. Can he last the course? Has he got what it takes? Just how long will he be able to sit and watch that paint dry?

JUDGE ONE: The pressure is really on. Tina has gone for the classic position — droopy head, gormless look — while Tim is trying something more ambitious, legs stretched out on the floor, fingers holding the eyes open.

JUDGE TWO: I must say, I’m deeply impressed with Tina’s yawning technique: lovely open mouth, great big exhalation, no attempt at a cover-up.

JUDGE ONE: Nine-and-a-half hours in, paint-watchers, and just three -and-a-half hours left to go!

JUDGE TWO: There’s everything to play for. They’ve both got the most wonderful paint-watching technique: languid and exhausted, yet at the same time deeply uninteresting, with just a hint of mild depression. You know what, I’m really, really bored by this. In my view, it’s the best ever.

VOICEOVER: Tim and Tina are both on a journey of discovery — but only one of them can go home with the title Paint-Watcher Of The Year. To find out who it will be, just keep watching!

To be continued, and continued, and continued . . .