Talk

You took the chance when you gave her the ultimatum. So you can't really blame her for your consequential feelings. Go ahead with your gathering and enjoy.

I'm just not sure you can. I think you have to suck it up. You have other friends, you aren't being left alone - and your friend spends NYE with her new boyfriend. Enjoy your evening, and let her enjoy hers without anyone feeling guilty.

Go ahead with your plans. Ultimatums in friendships are tricky....

Don't let it spoil your celebrations

YABU, I'm afraid. You can't expect someone to ditch their boyfriend on New Year's Eve because you will only party with people you know.

When you tell people to make a choice, they won't always choose you.

"I would like to make it clear that I'm hurt by her choice - how should I do that? "

You shouldn't, not if you have any interest in her ever speaking to you again.

I'm not blaming her for my feelings.

I'm asking for help in how I should communicate to her what I feel, because I am hurt. And wondering if AIBU for feeling hurt in the first place, if this is normal and what people do, or if anyone else would be hurt by it. I can't tell because like I said, I am depressed and oversensitive and everything hurts.

You can let her know that you'll miss seeing her. But you shouldn't let her know that you are hurt by her decision. It is her choice and I think you might be feeling sensitive about it because you don't feel well.

Thanks. That's fine then. I won't say anything if this is considered normal.

Honestly, though, I have never been the sort of person to ditch plans with friends because of a man so I'm having a hard time getting my head round it.

I don't think you can nor should communicate your feelings. Yanbu to feel disappointed but you should not let it affect your friendship longer term.

See the problem is she would have been distracted and texting all night anyway. Maybe ditching you all half way through the night anyway.

Just concentrate on the rest.

And Skylark no I would not expect her to ditch her boyfriend on new year's eve. It's not like that - they started dating/ having a relationship last week, and the plans were made a long time ago.

I'm asking for help in how I should communicate to her what I feel, because I am hurt.

I understand that you're hurt but, if you value this friendship, don't tell her. It is your oversensitivity that is making you feel this bad. Nothing good will come of laying the blame for your feelings at her door.

By your own admission you are feeling 'depressed and sensitive' so you have kind of answered your own question I think.

When we feel like this ....all emotions through the roof etc it will seem far worse.

Could you try looking at it another way- that you made the choice not to have a stranger in your flat, and now you've got what you wanted so you can have a relaxing NYE getting ready for the party and a quiet recovery on the 1st? Enjoy what you've got instead of fretting over her.

I'm afraid yabu, but I hear that you are hurt. If you value your relationship with her and know you are feeling vulnerable, don't bring it up.

You had the option to spend ny with her, but it was on your terms and she wants to spend it with her new man which is understandable. It is also understandable that you don't want him staying. Just one of those things. You will look needy and unreasonable if you pull her up on this.

Again - she was driving down to London and staying over, so she wouldn't have left halfway through. That's why I was reluctant to have him staying over. If it had been a matter of just coming to the party then fine, but I don't want some new guy I have not met staying in my flat, it feels like pressure.

I'd be pissed off aswell op. She's dumped you for a brand new relationship.
I'm not sure what you can say though, she was out of order asking if he could stay at yours when you've never met him.

That's fine but you have to accept you can't have it all ways. She made the choice you gave her.

I understand where you are coming from but YABU. She asked, you said no so she said no thank you.

Yeah it's ok, I'm not going to say anything. I get that Iabu if I say anything. Still genuinely feel a bit like our plans were dismissed because she got a better offer.

Lizs how do I want it all ways? Confused by that.

I will re evaluate the friendship I think.

Op it's not as If you are staying in....you'll still get to celebrate....

Hey OP. Depression sucks. I get that....it makes every little thing so much harder.

The thing is though, your friend WANTED to spend NYE with you- but she wanted to bring someone else who is obviously starting to mean a lot to her too. It probably is important to her that you meet him, because YOU are important to her. She didn't cancel on you- you told her you'd understand if she wanted to be with him, but it couldn't be at your party (which she obviously wanted to go to).

She probably feels a bit shit now too as she didn't want to have to choose between you. But you said it was fine.

Do you know what? I would take a deep breath and tell her to bring him and he will be welcome. It may feel a bit hard at first but YOU will be surrounded by people you know- he will know no-one. Yet he wants to come...maybe he knows how much you mean to your friend?

I know how hard it is when you ate depressed to be with anyone you don't know. But this is just one person within a group of people who know and love you.

I think you will feel so much better if you take a chance on this one. I really really do xx

I think if I wasn't feeling so unwell I would be more relaxed and say sure of course he can stay. But I'm just out of hospital, and she knows this. It just feels like a lack of consideration. Just musing on why it feels a bit shitty..

You want your plans to continue as if nothing happened, expecting her to choose to come alone anyway even though that may not have been realistic given what she had asked.

<ahem> are depressed, not ate obviously

How about saying it is cool for him to come but would they be ok to get a B&B or hotel nearby as it would be easier the next day? I think it would actually be the best thing all round?

YANBU to feel sad.

I hope you manage to have a nice evening anyway.

But it does sound as if you are taking this harder than you would do if you were feeling OK otherwise.

It is fine in the sense of I don't want to pressure her into feeling she has to come here or whatnot. I only want people here if they want to.

I am sure he's lovely, really I am, but I don't want the exhaustion of being with a stranger. Just don't. It changes how I feel I can speak with my friend, how relaxed I can be, it would feel like having to play host to somebody instead of kicking back with somebody I know well staying over. Entirely different situation. So while it does hurt, I feel the same. I don't want him here on New Year's Eve.

From another point of view, you've rebuffed her nm and possibly shown a lack of trust in her judgement, iyswim?

I'm sure, particularly given her awareness of your current condition, she would not bring anyone to your home who was likely to in any way cause you stress or upset?

She may feel quite snubbed too.

Yanbu at all op, I wouldent want a stranger staying over in my house either, fine if it was just the party and they went afterwards, expecting you to be fine with a stranger staying over, no.

And yeah I know I'm taking it harder than usual. I spent Christmas on my own, first time away from dysfunctional family, and was really looking forward to this.

I just wish somebody valued me, and it wasn't always expected that I'd go along with anything and suit everyone else the whole time. Well fuck that. I'd rather have no fake friends then if they can't be fucking arsed.

Why don't you suggest a hotel near you so that friend can bring bf to lovely small gathering but go back for new relationship wild sex in hotel ?

Sorry but if you communicate that anger to your friend she may well avoid seeing you longer. Maybe you could arrange to see them in the near future on neutral territory to welcome the new year instead so she knows you hold no grudge and that way you can have two events to look forward to.

As gently as possible... you are over reacting to this and age really hasn't done anything bad.

Lizs I am angry and disillusioned. If that's they way it's going to be then fine, I don't think I care much for that sort of "friendship" that's only there if she has no better offer.

I just wish somebody valued me, and it wasn't always expected that I'd go along with anything and suit everyone else the whole time. Well fuck that. I'd rather have no fake friends then if they can't be fucking arsed.

You know, it is shit, feeling that way. It's horrible. Because you are feeling unloved and unvalued, take care not to allow that bitterness to make you push people away.

Your friend, I would imagine, having driven to spend the night, would have made time for both you and her nm.

Its ok to not want strangers around right now but try not to let this damage your friendship. You made her choose - I doubt she wanted to have to.

I've said I understand if she wants to spend the time with him, but would rather it's just people I know in my house at this time, so we can catch up another time.

You made it very clear to her that you would be fine with her choosing to spend NYE with her new boyfriend. She took you at your word. If you meant "Look xxx. I'm really sorry but I have been really looking forward to spending NYE with you but I'm feeling very fragile and exhausted and don't feel I can cope with hosting someone I don't know. Would you mind coming on your own?" you should have said that.

She might still have dropped you but at least she'd know how much she was hurting you by doing so and you'd be more reasonable to tell her how you felt.

I get that you're not great at the moment but even your name says a lot about you. You are over-reacting. She asked if he could come, you said no but don't worry we'll catch up another time (or that's how I'd read it) so she has made other plans now too. You're being demanding but in a very passive aggressive way. Very much a 'pwecious pwincess'.

That just sounds like a defence mechanism. It isn't personal and if you take her decision this hard then you weren't offering her a real choice but testing her loyalty to you.

To be honest OP, I find your friend quite unreasonable. Seriously, NYE and she wants to bring her new boyfriend to stay over? So that you can play gooseberry in your own house? Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

Two friends catching up is a completely different dynamic from one friend coming calling with new boyfriend in tow. Presumably she also knoew you haven't been well? She sounds a peach.

I guess I did make her choose, but I feel what she did was put me in an unfair position!

I can see this from both sides. I absolutely believe she is right to do as she wants, spend her time with who she wants. And that sadly isn't me, boo hoo. However, if I am tired of this sort of bullshit it's still ok for me to say no, well fuck that, it's not the sort of friendship I need in my life.

I think you seem to be in a bad place right now, and are letting your anger and emotions rule you, and not being very rational. She might have picked up on your mood, so chose to spend it elsewhere. Really just take a step back and try to think more logically about it.

Yes you did tell her nicely, and she obviously wanted to be with her new boyfriend, which is fair enough, so arrange something another time with just her. Or arrange them to pop round or meet outside so that you can meet him.

Friend was supposed to be coming to my place for New Year's Eve, where we would then go to see another couple of friends of mine for a small gathering.

Out of interest, do your 'gathering friends' know your visiting friend? If not, had they intended to be hospitable regardless? How would you have felt and what would you have done, had they told you that you were welcome but that your visiting friend wasn't?

if I am tired of this sort of bullshit it's still ok for me to say no, well fuck that, it's not the sort of friendship I need in my life.

Absolutely. However, we aren't aware of the history between you and whether this is her usual way of behaving. She might have been an amazingly supporting friend for many years and made lots of sacrifices to put your needs first in the past.

Sometimes it's worth sucking things like this up to save a friendship while some aren't worth saving. Only you know which this is.

Pwecious, do you have a boyfriend/partner?

I ask because I was in a similar situation many years ago. A friend had sort of ditched a big night out at short notice, to go out with a new boyfriend. We were all a bit annoyed.

She pointed out that we were all happily "coupled up" and didn't need to "work" at finding and maintaining a relationship. We were at the age where we were starting to think about marriage/children. Once she had explained, it made perfect sense and I could really see her point. Could it be something like this?

Sorry you are having a tough time op. You are overreacting to this though.

I can understand that you are disappointed your evening won't be working out the way you planned but you can't expect others to mould their lives around what is best for you.

Don't make any big (I'm never speaking to you again type) decisions while you're feeling like this.

Goldmandra I didn't want to ask her to come on her own, because that would feel like I was putting pressure on her to do as I wanted rather than do as she wants freely. If she does not indeed want to go with the original plan, then I have no interest asking her to do so. That is honestly fine. It just speaks volumes about the friendship at the end of the day, and while it hurts like fuck right now I'm better off knowing this is what it means to her.

Princessconsue, my name was because I know how touchy I'm being the irony was lost on you. I also do not think I am being passive aggressive in the least. I genuinely prefer her to spend her time how she wants. It's just that it sucks that she has chosen him, after our plans being made. But I certainly don't want her here wishing she was with him. Jesus.

I don't think you are being at all unreasonable, and am surprised so many people think it is fine to cancel plans (made months ago) because of a 'better offer'. Yes its a new relationship but am sure they can survive a night apart! As someone else said its completely different having a girly chat to having an extra guy there making you feel like a gooseberry.

The only thing you could have done differently was to phrase your original question like Goldmandra suggested, so the friend didn't take it to mean you really didn't mind when in fact you did.

Sadly so many people are like this these days, and will cancel at the last minute. Its very frustrating. I hope you have a nice evening anyway and can catch up with her another time.

Ok OP, I don't know how much you are reading of what we are all saying/suggesting but you are sounding increasingly UR. I know you are feeling like the world is against you but you are seeing this as your friend rejecting you when actually you told her she could be with him but not you as well.

He is prepared to hang out with a bunch of people he doesn't know, which shows he cares about your friend. You wouldn't have to be all entertainy and hostess-ish as everyone else there will be your closest friends. All you have to do is not shut her out.

Please stop twisting it into a 'no-one gives a fuck about me' scenario because I promise that from a neutral perspective that is not what it looks like, it really isn't.

Tell them to come but to stay in a hotel. Please. Otherwise this is going to overshadow your NYE which it really shouldn't, and which is the last thing you need at the moment.

You want your friend there, she WANTS to be there, she hasn't just rejected you because of a 'better offer.' PLEASE try to see that.

It just speaks volumes about the friendship at the end of the day, and while it hurts like fuck right now I'm better off knowing this is what it means to her.

It's hard not to take this personally, I do see that but really, don't. This is not about you. First NYE with a np is quite significant for many people and she had still intended to spend it with you too, until you effectively told her not to.

Actually ignore my last post - ginhag has put it across perfectly

Friends throwing the party do know her, yes. We are not staying at their place however, and having already asked to bring her, it would feel slightly awkward asking to bring another person that neither I or they have met.

No, I don't have a partner. The friend who has backed out, I have just supported her through a rough break up and rarely get to see her without the latest man being there, maybe this is partly why I am so annoyed. She has been a great friend but men always, always come first. There's never any time to just hang out and talk properly without a boyfriend, and that changes what you can talk about.

But friend didn't cancel, she made a request to change plans and op apparently gave her a choice to come or not. Not blaming her for not wanting a stranger in the house but this situation was a risk she ran. It is too late to get angry and hurt now. If she needed friend's support and really wanted her to come at all costs she had the opportunity to say so.

Ginhag, he would have to sleep in my bedroom, on the floor. I houseshare in London, we have no lounge. So I would have to be a hostess, pretty much. I can't just loll around in my pants the way I would if it was just my friend staying.

It would speak volumes about the friendship if you hadn't told her it was fine for her to choose to be with her boyfriend and you could catch up another time.

You're now saying that it isn't fine for her to choose to be with him and, rather than catching up another time, you may want to end the friendship.

She might have made a different decision if she'd known the truth but you have denied her that opportunity.

Can you honestly say you really have no problem with her new relationship? If it were just you and her for the entire evening I would understand your upset when she made a (perfectly reasonable) choice out of 2 options you gave her. But you are going on to see other friends, you're not being abandoned.

I understand why you feel rejected but if I was in a new relationship and my friend who was seeing other friends said they didn't want my new man to come along but would understand if I choose to spend it with him, I'd spend it with him, believing I had my friend's blessing

Their relationship HAS my blessing. It's not about their relationship. Or even about him. Like I say he seems lovely.

It's about the nonchalent cancelling of plans which I thought we were looking forward to, about the lack of consideration in saying oh can he stay over, and no she didn't really give me a choice at all because she said "new man will probably be here from tomorrow, driving down from Scotland so he'll be here for New Year's so can he come" it was clear that it was both of them or nothing, I suppose.

Are you very young op? I don't mean to be patronising but you are massively overreacting. Ny may be very important for her and maybe she wanted to share it with you and new man. It was you that made her choose.

Goldmandra, that really would feel like issuing an ultimatum, if I'd said that.

If she wants to go with him, it hurts but it's fine but the friendship does mean less to her, and I shouldn't have to point that out. It's clearly a waste of time because we see it very differently.

He wouldn't have to stay in your lounge if you asked them to GET A B&B OR A HOTEL FOR THE NIGHT!!!

Sorry but I've said that about 3 times now and so has at least one other poster.

YANBU.
As a couple of pp's have already said, you have been unwell, the plans were made months ago, the dynamic of two friends catching up is vastly different to you hosting friends new boyfriend overnight in your flat and having to play the gooseberry into the bargain....fuck that.
Your friend should have shown more loyalty to you and the longstanding arrangement.
I don't thing you are being 'pwecious' at all. If I were you, I'd be bloody hurt and let down too.

Cedric no I am not young, sadly. I am late twenties. Keep on sneering, however

Maybe I did make her choose, but at the same time she didn't give me much choice. I wanted to uphold agreed plans. She didn't. It is hurtful that she didn't and I guess all I'm really saying is that it has made me re evaluate the friendship and I'll be making less effort.

I can see it both ways. I think your friend wasn't being very reasonable to ask you if she could bring her new partner, especially as you've recently been in hospital. On the other hand, the early weeks of a new relationship can be a very hormonal time, and people aren't always thinking with their brains, if you see what I mean. It's one of the strongest drives we experience in life. Maybe you could cut her some slack as long as she doesn't make a habit of it? Sometimes even our best friends can be insensitive and annoying... but there's usually a reason they're our friends. You're not being unreasonable, but it's probably in your best interests to take a deep breath and let it go, and focus on having a good time at the party, rather than letting the anger fester.

Btw, if it was just the 2 of you planning to spend NYE together, yes absolutely it would be unfair, and a bit weird too. But you will have all your closest friends around you, you can ask them to stay somewhere else overnight, it would possibly be a really, really lovely night!

Please try to look at it from a more positive perspective. You HAVE NOT been rejected.

Sorry Ginhag - she would get offended if I suggested that. Other friends would offer the floor to sleep on and it would all get really awkward. I'm not doing it.

Typical Aibu

OP Aibu
Everyone yes sorry you are
OP No I'm not, I'm not I'm not I'm not
Everyone how about x / y / z solution
OP there's no solution everything is shit and none of it is my fault
Everyone okkk

306235388

What is going on with your username?

I think she is being unreasonable. After a week he's not her boyfriend just some random man. It's rude, you had plans and she's flounced off.

Where does it say it is only a week. They've apparently been friends for a while but only recently got more serious. If op led friend to believe she was ok either way then she had every right to think the plans weren't that important to the friendship.

Goldmandra, that really would feel like issuing an ultimatum, if I'd said that.

I think you need to face up to the fact that you told her one thing but meant something completely different and now you're deciding on the future of the friendship based on the fact that she should have known you meant something different.

It isn't unreasonable to be pissed off and end the friendship because she chose to drop you in favour of the new boyfriend but it was unreasonable to offer her that option, tell her it was fine to take it and then end the friendship because she did.

I think you're quite emotionally invested in this friendship and could regret ending it a few months down the line. I'm not advocating allowing people to walk all over you but sometimes it's worth riding out times like this for the sake of better times when things have settled down.

My username? Nothing.

Sometimes plans change because circumstances change. It's not necessarily a bad thing. Although your friend was out of order asking you to have a complete stranger to sleep on the floor, she wasn't out of order expecting you to adapt to her changed circumstances in some way. You've said you can see both sides, but all you can seem to see from her side is a fake friend. From what you've said, she may not realise she's blowing you off because the two of you were going to spend most of the time with others, not having a heart to heart. I would find it quite difficult to explain to a new boyfriend that he couldn't come to a new year's celebration with a group of friends despite having come up to the city together and his (apparently) not really having anywhere else to go. it doesn't matter how long they've been together, this would still be a difficult thing to do. Not that you're obliged to swoop in and save the day but she could be forgiven for thinking the easiest solution is to all hang out together, especially since you're a good friend and presumably looking forward to meeting him. When asked to choose between a friend who has a party to go to, and a boyfriend who doesn't especially on the one night of the year when you're supposed to be snogging at midnight it doesn't seem so very dreadful to go with the boyfriend. All the more so when said friend has offered reassurance that it's fine. I wouldn't dump a friend over this though if the constantly choosing boyfriend over friend pattern continued, I'd want to let them know I felt taken for granted sometimes. But new year's eve is a bad test case IYSWIM.

Anything one for YABU.

Your poor friend and her lack of clairvoyant powers.

I understand why, but you are taking this far too personally.

She has her boyfriend staying with her if he's coming from Scotland to London or somewhere near, so if she chose to say with you without her man does that mean he'd just be on his own away from home on NYE?

I'm not sure if I'm reading this right, but that's what it sounds like, and if that's the case then you are being over the top to decide that your friendship means nothing to your friend because of this.

It also sounds like the friends that you will be visiting are more your friends than hers, so it's understandable that she wasn't looking forward to spending an evening with them as much as you were. If you had planned to spend the night doing something just the two of you, you'd have more of a point.

One other thing. However unreasonable or otherwise you are about the issue, you came across pretty stroppy and ungrateful in your responses to posters who were trying to help you. I suppose you could be taking them for granted because you feel taken for granted. Whatever. It's not going to encourage friends to flock around, that's all I'm saying.

Oh op YANBU to feel hurt, but Ywbu to tell her so. It is no reflection on your friendship. He is driving down from Scotland. Does she cancel his whole visit? Or does she leave him on his own at her place? That's not reasonable is it?
Yes a relationship does change things. I think YANBU to ask that you do spend some time together in the future, without him. But you can't expect things not to change at all.

Please don't cut off your nose to spite your face. As long as she makes some effort to make time for you later on, let this nye party go.

I'm sorry you feel hurt. My DH and I had a very intense relationship from moment 1.

I know that 2/3 weeks in seems really short term to you, but at that point we would not have considered NYE apart.
You have said that he - As a stranger " is not welcome and in a similar place I would have gone with him rather than the person who said he wasn't welcome

I think you did the right thing to say you didn't want him to stay. No way could he have slept on your floor, a complete stranger to you.

Don't think it is a slur to you though. She still wanted to come and spend NYE with her friends. She just wanted to bring him too but didn't think of the practicalities. I can see why you're upset. You were looking forward to spending time with her, catching up then doing something nice together. It wouldn't be the same with him there so it's good you were assertive enough to say no to them staying together - that would not have been good for you at all.

Try not to think too much about it. Go and see your other friends - I'm guessing she'd only be there because of you as they're not her friends? She's lost out really. Has she apologised to you? Or does she know these other friends and will be there with him anyway?

No she doesn't know the other friends, won't be there, I suppose they will have a romantic night in and I hope they enjoy it.

I won't cut off my nose to spite my face, I still think she is a great person however just not very thoughtful. I won't be bothering as much in future, I don't see the point in making plans to have them messed with and totally changed. I'm all for a bit of flexibility - we usually are both flexible in terms of planning to get to see each other a few times a year because we live quite far away - but in this case, no I'm not going through the stress of it.

No she's not apologised and there isn't really anything to apologise for. If she feels like that she is perfectly within her rights, as am I not to want the two of them here, and nobody owes anyone an apology I think. I'm just sad about it.

It is fine for you to say you didn't want him to stay, I can completely see why you said no to that. But that's not the problem any more, it's that you are feeling as if you have been treated terribly when you really haven't been.

When friends fall in love they become very focused on that rush of feeling and become less emotionally available to their friends, temporarily. If she is still being preoccupied in three months, reasses then.

In the meantime, cut her some slack. She is right to prioritise her own life. Hopefully she will return to being available to you in the way you are used to once things have evened out and she and her new man feel more secure together.

A new relationship is a very delicate thing - easily broken. She just wants to breathe life into it right now. It doesn't mean she doesn't care about you.

It's fine to be sad, and understandable. But don't harbour this bike for someone who is a good friend.

No, you're right to feel let down. She had an arrangement with you and she should have stuck to it. Nothing wrong with asking if he could come but she still should have come even when it was a no - or at the very least apologised and said I'm really sorry but it's early days and I want to spend every minute with him. Even though that's crap at least it's understandable. But she owes you an apology in my view.

What's that saying about don't make someone a priority that only makes you an option? Stay friends but I wouldn't bend over backwards for her.

I agree with bobbyjoe in as much as your friend should have been charming and apologetic about her choice.

And you were right to state your needs about not wanting him to stay over.

But friends do sometimes need to put their own lives first. It depends what she is usually like I think.

Of course she needs to prioritise her own life.

She's just split up from a guy a couple of weeks ago and now she is with this new guy who used to be a friend. There's always a man, always a drama, the last three have been abusive twats so this is why I hope this new one is genuine and doesn't hurt her. I had just hoped there was a bit of relaxed time to spend together in between all the guys and drama.

Wow.

I think you're friend just ditched her longstanding plans with a mate and that's bad form, so I totally get why you're upset.

I'm confused why the consensus is that you're in the wrong here. In fact, I remember a thread quite recently where a poster wanted to leave a weekend away early in order to spend time with a new boyfriend and was torn to bits over it.

Will try and find it.

But, in short, YANBU to not want to change your plans at short notice, though I don't think it's fair to see her decision as an ultimatum if she's not aware of it.

here ok, slightly different because the OP in this one hadn't asked to bring her b.f, but still...

That's interesting, that other thread, Jackfrosticle. Guess I'm far from the only person who would be hurt in this type of situation.

I'm not issuing an ultimatum. I'm saying that I am not putting in as much effort in future because it's too risky.

So are you not going to see your other friends now either?

Erm, what? Of course I am seeing my other friends? Did I say something by mistake? I didn't think I had..

If it's my comment about not putting in effort you are referring to, no, that goes for this particular friend in question. I will not be making as much effort with her, no. Has nothing to do with other friends.

Ah ok sorry, your post earlier read like your other friends were going to have a romantic night in.

Yes she is being a bit pathetic to dump you for new bloke. However I would probably say nothing as I am sure she is well aware that she has been an arse. She will probably be defensive if you say anything and tbh what would t achieve? She is unlikely to say oh yes you are right, I will come and spend it with you and even if she did you would probably still feel hurt that you were second choice or she gets arsey with each other and fall out. Say nothing but you are right to be slightly pissed off with her.

Seriously? This is you not her.

She wanted to include her partner you declined. Now you're hurt she's chosen him?
Reality check needed here. Sorry but you are most definely bu

Latest text is new bloke might not be able to drive down from Scotland after all, something wrong with his car, so she might come now after all

Did she ask you or tell you?