Made In Chelsea: Louise’s tattoo conundrum finally reaches a climax... and Francis almost kills Fredrik with one of his throwing knives

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This episode of Made In Chelsea features several symmetrically-designed exercise sequences, peppered with chat about serious life issues.

One involves Ryan, Harry, Louise and Sam stood in a perfect diamond formation, reaching for the skies, clenching any intimate area of their body they can muster enough stamina to clench. They then sit in a strategic square so they can listen to Harry critique himself glowingly. The problem with Harry is that his face is aesthetically pleasing in the way a male Disney character’s might be; but he is also twig-like, so whenever he brags about his athletic prowess one can’t help but stifle a chortle.

Anyway they’re talking about the important matter of when and where Louise is getting Ryan’s name tattooed on her. When we say ‘where’ we don’t mean is she going to pop to Tats The Way To Do It or Get Ya Tats Out. We mean WHERE on her tiny little body.

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Tatts drama: Made In Chelsea: Louise’s tattoo conundrum finally reaches a climax as they talk about the important matter of when and where Louise is getting Ryan’s name tattooed on her

‘The inside of my finger’ she suggests, having formerly mentioned doing it on the sole of her foot. Don’t do it there Louise - it will look like you’ve been writing with a fountain pen and it’s leaked down your phalange. Having said that, she’s running out of hidden crevices...

The other dance-like exercise scene sees Jamie skipping in the foreground while Digby and Mytton box behind him. It’s a bit like watching Stomp only with out the brooms and dustbin lids.

Also they’re all shirtless and greased up and would not look amiss on the front cover of a DVD you’ll find in the bargain bin of a basement shop in Soho.

Hunky: Digby and Jamie are shirtless and greased up and would not look amiss on the front cover of a DVD you’ll find in the bargain bin of a basement shop in Soho

Welcome to the crowd: Throwing himself in, Digby has certainly asserted himself with the cast

Champs: Shirtless boxing with two of the veterans indeed. If you pay attention during this weeks episode of The Apprentice you’ll see him at a model casting for team Graphene. We know what you’re up to Digby!

Digby has certainly asserted himself with the cast. Shirtless boxing with two of the veterans indeed. If you pay attention during this weeks episode of The Apprentice you’ll see him at a model casting for team Graphene. We know what you’re up to Digby!

In a hairdressers down the road, Frankie is getting her locks straightened for her running date with creepy James. So is that new girl Habbs because she’s got a date with Mytton. Liv is sitting this one out and just observing because A) she and Digby are past the ‘make an effort with your hair’ stage of their relationship and B) she’s opted for a top knot.

Habbs is gushing about Mytton. ‘He’s got blue eyes!’ she squeals. Correct Habbs. She then goes all coy. Frankie remarks that she knows Habbs fancies Mytton because she flutters her eyelids when she talks about him. ‘Do I do that? I don’t do that!’ she titters... doing that.

Glamorous as ever: In a hairdressers down the road, Frankie is getting her locks straightened for her running date with creepy James

Got a crush: Habbs is gushing about Mytton. ‘He’s got blue eyes!’ she squeals. Correct Habbs. She then goes all coy

Sophie is critiquing a contortionist which she is looking to hire for her freak show themed soirée. The whole situation has very much stressed her out so she takes to her bath tub to try and finalise the plans. She phones up Ryan and informs him she is currently bathing. ‘I do all my important phone calls from the bath,’ she says. ‘Are you naked?’ he asks. No, Ryan, she’s wearing plastic sheeting and moon boots.

Louise is FURIOUS that Ryan spoke to Sophie while she was languishing in bubbles. What’s more, Sophie’s asked him to carry her into her party on his naked shoulders. Louise allows it on the condition that Sophie’s skin doesn’t make contact in any way with Ryan. Presumably Sophie is meant to ride him using a saddle.

Frankie and James have their running date and they push each other about as they jog because that’s what you do on a running date. In typical MIC-style they dissect and analyse each other’s compatibility while on the actual date. ‘There’s some sort of chemistry – but I can’t work it out,’ James says. For Christ’s sake James, we’re not looking for you to calculate how many oxygen atoms are in a 2 litre bottle of water!

Absolutely fuming: Beautiful Louise is FURIOUS that Ryan spoke to Sophie while she was languishing in bubbles

A bubbling idea: What’s more, Sophie’s asked him to carry her into her party on his naked shoulders

The cheek of it: Louise allows it on the condition that Sophie’s skin doesn’t make contact in any way with Ryan. Presumably Sophie is meant to ride him using a saddle

Two's a crowd: Habbs and Mytton invite THREE others on their date. Angry Jamie, Sad Sam and Irritating Clementine Edith Margaret Cuthbertson

Also in MIC-style, Habbs and Mytton invite THREE others on their date. Angry Jamie, Sad Sam and Irritating Clementine Edith Margaret Cuthbertson. She’s very excited to be on MIC and is laughing in Jamie’s face a lot. Jamie poaches her despite the fact that she was intended for Sam. Habbs’ other friend who was meant for Jamie forgot to sign her release form and so couldn’t be in the scene.

Francis is about to slice an apple by chucking a knife across a room at it (while it’s on Fredrik’s head). But thankfully Sophie puts a stop to it. ‘What the damn hell is happening here?’ she demands to know. Francis is being a damn hellish buffoon Sophie, that’s the damned hell what!

Habbs tells Clemmie that her jaw really ached by the end of her date with Mytton. Insert all the jokes here.

Sam takes Louise to pressure her into either having a tattoo or not having one. Jesus Sam, just leave it! What is this desperate insistence? Not even Ryan cares this much. Get a hobby. Chutney making or onion pickling perhaps.

Sharp idea: Francis is about to slice an apple by chucking a knife across a room at it (while it’s on Fredrik’s head)

Thinking on your feet: But thankfully Sophie puts a stop to it. ‘What the damn hell is happening here?’ she demands to know

Boys will be boys: Sam takes Louise to pressure her into either having a tattoo or not having one. Jesus Sam, just leave it! What is this desperate insistence?

Shock: Not even Ryan cares this much. Get a hobby. Chutney making or onion pickling perhaps

Jamie puts himself through a date with Clementine Anastasia Margret Rushworth just so he can take a selfie with her and post it online in the hopes that Frankie will be idly flipping through her Instagram stories. ‘You look pretty,’ he tells Clemmie as she rocks up in a beige turtle neck.

Speaking of Instagram - it turns out Mytton has only been communicating with Habbs via her Insta messages. Everyone knows that’s code for ‘you're alright and everything but I don’t want you to have my number because you’ll be able to see when I was last online on WhatsApp’.

At the freak show event, Sophie is carried in on Fredrik and Ryan’s shoulders. Louise carefully watches from across the room, ready to throw herself onto the stage in their path if Sophie’s scantily-clad buttock dares to brush Ryan’s right shoulder blade.

Women rivalry: To diffuse any ill feeling, Sophie confronts the issue head on by coming over and telling Louise that she ‘doesn't know how this relationship actually works anatomically’ because of their respective sizes

To diffuse any ill feeling, Sophie confronts the issue head on by coming over and telling Louise that she ‘doesn't know how this relationship actually works anatomically’ because of their respective sizes. In one fell swoop she trivialises any ridiculous jealousy women have if their boyfriends happen to receive a phone call from someone they barely know who happens to be having a bath at the time.

Jamie drags Clementine Morticia Dickson-Wright to sit with Frankie and James. During this they discuss who’s had sex with who out of the four of them, global business management and how Jamie pays someone to run Candy Kittens for him. It’s like they’ve whipped out Scattegories from under the stairs.

Sexual tension: In one fell swoop she trivialises any ridiculous jealousy women have if their boyfriends happen to receive a phone call from someone they barely know who happens to be having a bath at the time