What will YOUR man get you this Christmas? Tracey Cox reveals the hidden message behind his gift - including the present that means he's in it for the SEX

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When it comes to buying presents, Men really are from Mars and women from Venus.

Women agonise over finding something truly personal and special, spending weeks – hell, months! – on gift-buying for their partner.

Men tend to give it no thought whatsoever - then panic buy with disastrous results.

It is a bit of a bloke thing to buy rubbish presents so a bad present doesn't mean he doesn't care.

But even a hastily bought gift sends a message…

Here's how to figure out what his Christmas offering really means. 

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Tracey Cox reveals that while men aren't best known for their present buying skills, even the most last-minute gift has meaning 

The highly personal present

The sentiment: I actually have been listening when you talk about your dreams and I want to make them come true for you/This relationship is the most important thing in the world to me.

The gift: Anything that's totally individual.

A leather-bound notebook/laptop when you've confessed to wanting to write a novel.

A French language course when you've told him you long to live in Paris. 

A chef's hat because you want to open your own restaurant.

A first edition of a children's book your grandmother used to read to you.

The 'over the top' present

The sentiment: Please don't break up with me/Please forgive me for being a s***t/I'm sorry I had that affair/I've fallen madly in love with you and you're never getting rid of me now

The gift: A pet – when you haven't even discussed it.

Business class flights somewhere exotic when they can't afford it. 

A teddy that's bigger than your entire flat.

Tracey says small but personal presents shows he cares whereas grand gestures could imply he is making up for something

The romantic present

The sentiment: I love you, marry me!/I love you and love having you as my wife/I've never felt like this before/I'm a romantic kind of guy and know chicks love this stuff.

The gift: Plane tickets to a romantic getaway. 

Anything heart shaped or with 'I love you' written on it. 

Dinner in a romantic restaurant.

The 'I'm deadly serious about you' present

The sentiment: I'm giving you this so you know this is real deal/Your next present is a ring.

The gift: Anything from Tiffany's (and beware the man who buys earrings packaged in a ring-shaped box). 

Expensive jewellery. 

Diamonds.

The 'I love our sex' present

The sentiment: I just love having sex with/I love that you're adventurous in bed/Please can we skip the turkey and go to bed instead.

The gift: A top of the range vibrator that he knows you'd kill to own.

Absolutely anything from Coco de Mer.

Gorgeous fluffy 'sex' slippers.

Beautiful but sexy as hell lingerie.

A weekend in a sexy hotel.

The 'made just for you' present

The sentiment: I want you to know I've really thought about this even if it didn't cost much/I see you/You're not like other people so I had to give you something that's just for you.

An expensive piece of jewellery indicates that he is deadly serious about the relationship, and that you could expect a ring next

The gift: Anything personalised that has your name on it or your signature look.

Engraved jewellery/watch/iphone.

Levis personalised to be just the way you like them.

The 'something we can do together' present

The sentiment: I know I haven't been spending much time with you lately and I'm sorry/You have to stay with me in order to enjoy the present/I'd like to be closer to you/I want to show you I'm committed to us.

The gift: A couple's massage.

A cookery course or wine course for two.

A holiday.

The asked for present

The sentiment: We've been together long enough for us to pick what we want /You're a fussy cow and I daren't stray off the wish list/I know it's something you really want and can't afford.

The gift: Something you, well, asked for (though extra points if they bought a more expensive/even better version of the gift you chose).

The practical present

The sentiment: I'm a bloke, what did you expect/I've bought you everything and run out of ideas/We've got a mortgage and three kids and I know you won't mind me being sensible.

The gift: Something you want for the house.

A new hairdryer.

Your favourite face cream.

The tech present

The sentiment: I know you love a gadget as much as I do and you're going to be well chuffed with this one/I didn't have a clue what to get but if you don't like this at least I will.

The gift: A phone, iPad, laptop.

A cover for any of the above.

A portable battery charger (you're not getting away with that 'my phone's dead' any longer).

Something that does something totally useless (toasts both the hotdog and the bun simultaneously)

The 'adventure' present

The sentiment: I want you to know I'm not the guy who's going to snuggle up on the sofa and binge on box sets/I'm a bit bored, let's do more together/I'm the sporty type and have always fancied doing this.

The gift: Indoor skiing or rock climbing.

An extreme sports holiday.

Any holiday that involves trekking. 

The predictable present

The sentiment: I didn't have a clue what to get so wandered around the beauty section of a department store until an assistant nabbed me/ I'm not really sure what's going on yet and this is safe/I have zero imagination so don't hate me for taking the wimp's way out.

The gift: Perfume that he knows you like.

A gift voucher to your favourite shop.

A snuggly throw.

A not too expensive but quite nice bracelet, necklace, earrings.

The designer present

The sentiment: I have pots of money and like spoiling you/You'd better bloody like this because I won't be able to go out for the next three months/I know image is important to you/Your image is very important to me/I wanted to show off.

The gift: Anything from Prada, Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Gucci.

Something obviously branded or easily recognised like a Hermes scarf.

A statement handbag.

A handbag that has a waiting list and he's jumped the queue.

The luxury present

The sentiment: I have lots of money and like spoiling you but I don't have a great deal of time so this is meant to make up for it/I have lots of money and a secretary with good taste/You're worth it.

The gift: A cashmere sweater.

Expensive champagne and hand-made chocolates.

Tasteful, silk, beautiful lingerie that's sensual rather than sexual.

The small but significant present

The sentiment: I have no money but you are really important to me/You're important to me but I'm a tight-arse

The gift: The keys to his apartment.

A framed picture of the two of you.

A locket with a picture of the two of you inside.

The thoughtless present

The sentiment: I have far more important things to do than spend time faffing about trying to find you the perfect present.

The gift: Cheap perfume or perfume you wore at the start of your relationship but have told him countless times you don't like anymore.

Slippers (when you're absolutely not a slippers kind of gal).

Flowers from the supermarket.

An amazon voucher.

The 'I really couldn't care less' present

The sentiment: I've put zero thought and effort into this and our relationship but seem to have got away with it so far so why not continue?

The gift: Anything clearly bought from Boots or Sainsbury's on the way over: the beauty sets no-one wanted, supermarket flowers, a tin of Quality Street or Favourites, a Terry's Orange Chocolate egg.

Something that's so random, it's clearly been re-gifted

The repeat present – the same book he bought you last year, another Micheal McIntyre DVD.

The 'I don't get you at all' present

The sentiment: I haven't been listening to a word you've said for the last 20 years or looked closely at you for the last decade.

The gift: Huge, dangly earrings when you favour tiny studs and hoops.

A book on bread-making when you're yeast intolerant.

A complete set of matching saucepans when cooking is your least favourite thing to do.

A Cath Kidston carrier bag when you're into classic Prada.

The 'Give me more sex' present

The sentiment: I'm sex-starved/Why aren't you more like the women in porn/When are you going to say yes to that threesome?

The gift: Red, crotchless, awful lingerie that makes you itch without even trying it on.

A lewd sex positions book.

A tacky sex game.

A handmade card that says 'I promise to be your sex slave for a week'.

The 'you need fixing' or judgement present

The sentiment: Seriously, you really do need to sort yourself out/I don't like to criticise but you'd look a whole lot better thinner/if you dressed differently/acted differently.

The gift: A self-help book along the lines of 'Healing your inner pain', 'Tame that green monster!', 'The five-step plan to letting anger go'.

Clothes in the style he'd like you to dress in (a camel coat) when you're very much into bling and colour (a multi-coloured fake fur – the madder the better).

An unasked for gym membership or enrollment in a diet club.

Check out Tracey's product range Edge for men to make his day this Christmas at lovehoney.co.uk.