James and Sarah were such unappealing business propositions it wasn’t surprising Lord Sugar couldn’t decide on a winner. But the whole series became a waste of time when he gave them both £250,000 on the final of The Apprentice, by Jim Shelley

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It may have been the first time in 12 years and 13 series that the final of The Apprentice was declared a draw but Lord Sugar’s decision wasn’t a surprise.

On the contrary…

Even for someone so used to making difficult choices and so notoriously single-minded, having to pick a winner between Sarah and James gave Sugar an impossible dilemma - basically because they were both useless and equally unappealing business propositions.

Anyone who disagrees should consider whether they would want to invest £500 of their own money in James or Sarah let alone £250,000, as Lord Sugar was. 

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Unappealing : Having to pick a winner between Sarah and James gave Sugar an impossible dilmma -basically because they were both useless and equally unappealing business propositions

It didn’t seem to have occurred to either of them to think of a really good name for their brand before they went on the programme – or any name, even the night before the final.

If any banks or backers had been prepared to fund them, they wouldn’t have even been on the show at all.

No, the only shock was that Sugar didn’t use his verdict to split the prize money between them, even though with a net worth estimated to be £1.15 billion he could afford it. 

A waste: The only shock was that Sugar didn’t use his verdict to split the prize money between them, even though with a net worth estimated to be £1.15 billion he could afford it

No one would surely have blamed him for only giving James and Sarah both £125,000 – on the grounds it was more than enough (mad).

That said, the draw was ultimately a cop-out: choosing an Apprentice was the whole point of the programme.

Viewers were entitled to sit there thinking: ‘You had one job…’

Sugar lamented that choosing between Sarah and James was so difficult because they were so different but, again, this was part of the programme. Plus it was Sugar that had chosen them to be in the final.

‘You are giving me a very big headache': Lord Sugar told them nonetheless in the boardroom, giving the first sign of what was to come when he even mentioned the possibility of deciding by just tossing a coin

Admittedly the contrast between Sarah and James couldn’t have been bigger:

* an experienced-but-amateurish entrepreneur versus the slippery City Slicker who has only been an employee (sacked by his boss).

* the sacrifices of Motherhood against the greed and vanity of youth.

* a choice of sweets or recruitment agencies (specifically old-fashioned Pick ‘N’ Mix arriving in the post in plain cardboard boxes against IT consultants re-enforcing multi-nationals’ defences out in cyberspace).

Basically it was Good versus evil.

Good vs Evil: Sugar himself observed that neither Sarah nor James had any USP in their respective (crowded) fields and last week as Sarah said their interviews had been ‘a car crash'

‘You are giving me a very big headache,’ Lord Sugar told them nonetheless in the boardroom, giving the first sign of what was to come when he even mentioned the possibility of deciding by just tossing a coin.

‘Is it down to this?’ he asked Karren Brady and Claude Littner, sounding rather desperate, having a practice.

It was a shame he didn’t actually do it rather than hedge his bets as he did eventually. Calling ‘heads or tails?’ would have been more original and certainly a more sensational way of selecting the winner.

Looking at Sarah and James he might as well have but not because, as he told them, ‘you are both very, very, credible candidates.’

Coin toss: Calling ‘heads or tails?’ would have been more original and certainly a more sensational way of selecting the winner

On the contrary, even though he could afford it if he lost his investment you didn’t envy him such an invidious choice.

Sugar himself observed that neither Sarah nor James had any USP in their respective (crowded) fields and last week as Sarah said their interviews had been ‘a car crash.’

Sarah had seemed the smartest, most sensible, candidate from the beginning (which admittedly wasn’t saying much) – until last week’s show when we saw what her business plan actually consisted of and watched Sugar’s four expert entrepreneurs of the apocalypse tear it to shreds.

'Car crash': Sarah had seemed the smartest, most sensible, candidate from the beginning (which admittedly wasn’t saying much) until last week’s show when we saw what her business plan actually consisted of

Hardly surprisingly, they were unconvinced that her idea (a confectionary version of Interflora) was particularly viable with Linda Plant completely dismissing her figures for the predicted turnover.

‘It’s taken you 7 years to reach a turnover of £433,000 and yet you expect us to believe that in 4 years you’re going to reach a minimum turnover of £2.6million!’ she scoffed with disbelief.

She and Sugar would have had to sell a lot of sweets to recoup £125,000 let alone his £250,000, particularly considering her brand specialised in retro items (basically Pick ‘N’ Mix).

Anyone wanting to send more exclusive/expensive (profitable) chocolates could already do so through Interflora and there was surely a reason why no one else (including Interflora) hadn’t set up the Pick N Mix version.

Sweet tooth: She and Sugar would have had to sell a lot of sweets to recoup £125,000 let alone his £250,000, particularly considering her brand specialised in retro items (basically Pick ‘N’ Mix)

As Sugar himself said to Sarah: ‘My question to you is: who cares? When people are thinking of a gift I don’t think they wake up thinking: ooh I’ll send sweets!’

Even if they did Sarah’s concept of ‘high end glamorous gifting’ was a plain white cardboard box with black squiggly writing that according to Sugar ‘looks like a delivery from Ann Summers actually.’

‘How do you know that?!’ laughed Claude Littner.

The mention of Ann Summers seemed to distract Sugar from thinking about Sarah’s limitations – mostly, extraordinarily, the fact that after seven years’ trading, the woman who was proposing an online delivery service had a website that didn’t work.

 Boaster: With no product and no experience running his own business, James’ ploy with Lord Sugar was selling himself as his biggest attribute

‘I tried and I could not order anything!’ Plant complained.

Sugar couldn’t believe it either.

Last week he had identified Sarah as ‘a bubble gum that’s lost its flavour’ and (even more damningly in his eyes) ‘a Steady Eddie.’

James hadn’t fared much better with Sugar calling him ‘a small time Charlie’ and ‘just a smiler with a nice haircut.’

Even here he slapped down James’ boast - ‘I hope you’ve seen the whole time that I’ve been here I’m very charismatic and endearing’ -  by telling him he may have been alright to have a drink in the pub with but ‘the last thing the world is waiting for is James White’s new recruitment company!’

Quite.

For someone always boasting what an expert he was in his field (IT recruitment) it needed a pep talk from former winner Ricky Martin (not that one) to point out that he should base his pitch on cyber security.

With no product and no experience running his own business, James’ ploy with Lord Sugar was selling himself as his biggest attribute.

Talent? Lord Sugar told James he may have been alright to have a drink in the pub with but ‘the last thing the world is waiting for is James White’s new recruitment company!’

But both Mike Soutar and Linda Plant had questioned his ‘trustworthiness’ and Karren Brady had labelled his financial projections as a ‘delusion.’

‘Lord Sugar doesn’t want pipe dreams and pie-in-the-sky b**shit !’ snapped Linda Plant.

Despite all this, Sugar had put James through to the final and eventually given him £250,000.

This meant ultimately the interview process was irrelevant – as the eleven tasks were.

(Joanna had been on the winning team 8 times out of 10 and won both when she was Project Manager but never had a chance of persuading Sugar to invest in her because it transpired she had no experience at all in the field she wanted to work in with him.)

Name brand: Sarah eventually stumbled on the (decent) name Sweeteze but her promotional ad and digital billboard were hopeless with none of the ‘sophistication’ she was after

The final task was the biggest waste of time out of all of them.

James and Sarah didn’t even take part in half of it, which was undertaken by the sub-team.

Sarah eventually stumbled on the (decent) name Sweeteze but her promotional ad and digital billboard were hopeless with none of the ‘sophistication’ she was after.

‘We’ve done an absolutely shocking job!’ admitted Andrew.

Even though he’d had weeks/months/years to think about it, James’ attempts to come up with a brand name were completely useless.

‘I need a standout name,’ he told his colleagues – before suggesting Connect, Linkus, and ReLink not to mention alternatives such as Lyncus and Relync, better suited to cough mixture that suggested he couldn’t spell.

It was Elizabeth who came up with First-Tier Recruitment and the campaign based around the slogan ‘the champions of IT careers.’

Cough mixture: Even though he’d had weeks/months/years to think about it, James’ attempts to come up with a brand name were completely useless

Even then Sugar didn’t like it, complaining: ‘I have no idea from the brand name that this is an IT recruiting business !’

Quite important…

It was almost as if James was useless, not to mention completely inexperienced as an entrepreneur – unlike Sarah.

‘An entrepreneur with £400,000 turnover?!’ he carped like a brat.

‘Well it’s £400,000 more than you have James !’ Sarah pointed out smartly.

He suggested it didn’t matter that, unlike her, he hadn’t run a business, employed anyone, dealt with VAT and PAYE because ‘I headed up my team at my last company’, which got Karren Brady’s back up.

Final task: It was almost as if James was useless, not to mention completely inexperienced as an entrepreneur – unlike Sarah

‘I think you’ll find the principles of being a manager very different to being a business owner!’ she bridled.

Lord Sugar’s verdict confirmed none of it mattered. Whatever they did or didn’t do they both won anyway.

Like Reggie Perrin’s boss, Lord Sugar didn’t get where he was today by letting minor details like inexperience, ineptitude, or financial fantasies influence his decisions if they affected the chance of making money.

He was happy to invest in Sarah and James anyway, as presumably he would have been when the series started. 

Both winners? Lord Sugar’s verdict confirmed none of it mattered. Whatever they did or didn’t do they both won anyway