How I taught my husband to love me again: One woman explains why she refused to give up on her man after his stroke changed his personality and tore their lives apart

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Strolling hand-in-hand across the sand of Shell Bay in Dorset on their wedding day, Rachel and Russell Hanford were looking forward to a long and happy future together.

At 35, Russell was super-fit — a construction project manager who windsurfed to competition standard in his spare time. Rachel, 30, an account manager, shared his love of the outdoors.

‘Our wedding was everything we’d dreamed of,’ smiles Rachel, now 32. ‘It was so perfect that I wish we could do it all over again.’ They planned a belated honeymoon on Rodrigues Island in the Indian Ocean, followed, hopefully, by a baby and years of contented family life.

But just five weeks after that perfect day in September 2014, all their plans had turned to dust.

Russell Hanford, from Dorset, (pictured with wife Rachel on his wedding day) had a stroke aged 35, just five weeks after he got married. When she saw him partially paralysed and scarcely conscious in hospital, his wife Rachel feared the worst

Russell was at work when he suffered a stroke caused by a blood clot in his brain. When she saw him partially paralysed and scarcely conscious in Southampton Hospital, Rachel feared the worst.

To look at this young couple today, relaxing in the garden of their Dorset home, you’d never imagine that Russell had ever been troubled by much more than a slight cold. He’s tanned, cheerful and exudes good health. His recovery appears nothing short of miraculous.

But more than two-and-a-half years after Russell’s stroke, when he tries to speak, words literally fail him. He struggles to put them into a sentence, even though he knows what he wants to say.

Yet even this is progress. So devastating were her husband’s injuries that, for a long time, it felt to Rachel as if she’d brought a stranger home from hospital.

Unable to communicate or to express his emotions, Rachel had to teach her husband how to love her again. It was a slow and lonely process, which, says Rachel, often left her close to despair.

‘When we brushed past each other in the living room, there was no loving hand on my back, or kiss on the cheek,’ she says. ‘At night, rather than holding me, he’d lie in bed and just fall asleep.

Rachel says a few months after Russell (pictured undergoing therapy after his stroke) left hospital, the consultant was very blunt and told them that after six months they could expect no further improvement

‘Sometimes I’d lie there crying silently so he wouldn’t hear and think: “Is this what our lives will be like now?”

‘People told me: “No one would blame you for walking away.” But I’ve never once considered leaving my husband, because I love him.’

Rachel was 21 and Russell 27 when they first met in a Bournemouth bar. He was confident, successful, self-assured and had an easy way with words, and looked as fit as his sporty lifestyle suggested. The pair clicked immediately.

So Rachel was shocked when, on their third date, Russell told her he’d suffered a heart attack when he was 23, just five days after a strenuous day kite-surfing on the beach.

‘No one could tell him why he’d had a heart attack,’ says Rachel. ‘There were no abnormalities and no family history. It was a medical mystery.’

Similarly, there were no warning signs the day of Russell’s stroke in November 2014. Just minutes before he collapsed, they’d been texting each other. Then his boss called and told Rachel to get to Southampton Hospital.

On the surface, Russell's recovery appears nothing short of miraculous. However, Rachel explains that for the first few months he was very subdued, angry, frustrated and sad, adding that there was no laughter or affection 

When informed her husband had suffered a stroke, Rachel was horrified. ‘I thought a stroke was something that only happened to old or unhealthy people. Russell was 35 and so fit.

‘I felt angry because it was so unfair. We’d only been married for five weeks. What had we possibly done to deserve this?’ Scans revealed a blood clot had formed in the damaged chamber of Russell’s heart. Part of the clot had broken off and travelled to his brain, causing the stroke.

‘Russell looked awful,’ recalls Rachel. ‘The right side of his body was paralysed and half his face was drooping. When he tried to talk, no words came out. I feared the worst. I was sure he was going to die, or if he didn’t die then he was going to be left severely disabled.

‘It was a huge worry of mine that he wouldn’t know who I was, so I made a point of showing him my rings and saying: “Remember the day we got married?”

‘I didn’t want to be a widow — I wasn’t going to let him die.’

Rachel says she knew if she wanted the old Russell back (the couple pictured together in 2006, before his stroke) she had to show him how close they'd been 

Russell spent three weeks in Southampton Hospital before being transferred to Poole where he was discharged a day later. What happened next would have tested the strongest of marriages.

‘The Russell I brought home wasn’t the Russell I knew,’ says Rachel. ‘For the first few months he was very subdued, angry, frustrated and sad. There was no laughter or affection. I missed him kissing me each morning.

‘I longed for him to reassure me and show me love, but he wasn’t able to do that. I felt lonely and it was hard not to feel resentful.’

Rachel decided the only way forward was to show Russell unconditional love and express it often in the hope that he would eventually return it.

‘I knew that if I wanted the old Russell back, I had to show him how close we’d been. So I hugged and kissed him as much as possible, and I’d end every conversation by saying: “I love you” and ask him to repeat the words back. There were times when he would ignore me, but I refused to give up. Tiny moments, like when he smiled when I spoke to him, felt like huge victories.’

In July 2015, Rachel describes how she saw a breakthrough as the ‘fog’ in Russell’s brain started to lift 

The worst moment came a few months after Russell left hospital. ‘The stroke consultant was very blunt. He told us that after six months we could expect no further improvement. It felt like a stab to our hearts.

‘When we came out, Russell just cried and cried. I’d never seen him that upset before.’

But in July 2015, Rachel saw a breakthrough as the ‘fog’ in Russell’s brain started to lift.

‘As we climbed into bed, he told me he loved me. It was like he was saying it for the very first time and my eyes filled with tears. After everything, he still loved me back . . .’

Despite his amazing recovery, the stroke had damaged the part of the brain affecting language and communication — a condition called aphasia — which means Russell now struggles to talk, read and write.

Rachel has learned to pick up the thread of conversations and finishes sentences for him, as if reading his mind.

‘Russell’s mind is like a library where all the books have been knocked off the shelves. He goes to look for the right words but the book isn’t where it’s supposed to be,’ she explains.

The Hanfords have agreed to share their story to help support the British Heart Foundation’s campaign for more research into stroke prevention and treatment. In Britain, more than 1.2 million people are living with the devastating effects of stroke.

Russell was one of the lucky 15 per cent who received clot-busting medication within three hours of arriving in hospital, without which he could have died or been left with serious disabilities.

‘Russell carries a little card which says: “I’ve had a stroke and it’s hard for me to communicate, so please be patient.” He still has down days,’ says Rachel, ‘but he’s usually upbeat. We feel we are in a good place now.’