Watching his daughters fall to their deaths, losing the love of his life, being exposed as a murderer, threatening suicide, and having Phil Mitchell point a gun at him…Max Branning’s Christmas Day made everyone else’s look much better in EastEnders, by Jim Shelley

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Even by Walford’s traditionally grim standards, it was an eventful, horrible, Christmas in EastEnders -particularly for Max Branning, his daughters Lauren and Abi, his ex-wife Tanya, his lover/son’s widow Stacey, and us.

So pretty much everyone then…

On the plus side the festive special episode meant the BBC had provided an invaluable public service, as always. No matter how many family arguments we’d had or what a terrible time we’d suffered, suddenly it didn’t seem that bad compared to Max’s Christmas Day.

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Season's misery: Even by Walford’s traditionally grim standards, it was an eventful, horrible, Christmas in EastEnders -particularly for Max Branning 

He’d survived a suicide attempt and Phil Mitchell attacking him then pointing a gun at him before enduring the horror of watching Lauren and Abi plummet to their deaths having climbed on to the roof of the Queen Vic to save him.

Only one day after he’d rekindled his ‘romance’/passion with Stacey (‘the love of my life’) Max lost her too, after Tanya revealed he had killed Steven Beale, and then ensured that Jane Beale kept quiet by threatening her young son Bobby.

She couldn’t be with someone who lied to her, she cried (especially about being a murderer), wailing: ‘are you even capable of anything real?!’

Unlikely frankly…

‘Just let me go ! Just me go Max!’ Stacey sobbed. ‘Whatever I felt it’s gone. You killed it. Tanya was right. You’re poison. It should’ve been you that fell off that roof not Bradley.’

On the bright side: No matter how many family arguments we’d had or what a terrible time we’d suffered, suddenly it didn’t seem that bad compared to Max’s Christmas Day 

All over: Only one day after he’d rekindled his ‘romance’/passion with Stacey (‘the love of my life’) Max lost her too

Apart from all this?

It wasn’t that bad.

At least Lauren and Abi opened his presents – before they died - and he managed to break the record for the most desperate, depressing, Christmas in the history of Walford.

No mean feat considering the quality – or misery – of his predecessors. 

Christmas Day had started so well too.

Let me go: She couldn’t be with someone who lied to her (especially about being a murderer)

Max woke up, basking in the (orange) afterglow of the previous night’s wing-ding with Stacey Fowler-Slater-Branning, having seduced her despite the apparent handicap that she was due to go on stage in the local nativity play and that she was dressed as an angel.

Eventually her wings flapped faster and faster the more passionate their lovemaking (on the living room carpet) became.

‘Merry Christmas,’ Max muttered putting his arms round Stacey when she (perhaps unwisely) padded into the kitchen wearing just a t-shirt.

‘We can’t !’ she protested but they soon were - kissing that is, as opposed to anything more thrusting, thankfully.

Parting ways: ‘Just let me go ! Just me go Max!’ Stacey sobbed. ‘Whatever I felt it’s gone. You killed it. Tanya was right. You’re poison. It should’ve been you that fell off that roof not Bradley' 

‘This is mad ! What am I doing?!’ she cried.

‘I love you Stacey,’ he growled.

‘No you don’t Max. You’re just sad and unhappy. Last night was wrong.’

‘It was the only right thing that’s happened to me in years. I’ve missed you all these years. This feels like I’ve come home again. Don’t you feel like that, just a bit?’

‘No,’ she said instantly. ‘I’ve got a family. I’ve got kids. I’ve got a baby. In a couple of hours we’re going to be opening presents and eating Christmas dinner.’

Every cloud: At least Lauren and Abi opened his presents – before they died - and he managed to break the record for the most desperate, depressing, Christmas in the history of Walford

‘I know family’s important,’ he insisted. ‘I like it.’

‘No you don’t,’ she tutted, proving she knew him too well.

As if to prove her wrong Max went to give Lauren and Abi his present (pendants carrying a photo of him holding his girls when they were babies).

‘You were so tiny,’ he recalled. ‘It was the first time I thought: this is it, I’ve made it, I’m going to have a good normal life, like anyone else.’

‘It didn’t quite work out like that though did it?’ carped Abi.

Stressed: Things became even more heated when Tanya realised Max had deleted Jane’s messages and that he and Stacey were ‘sleeping together’

‘No. Obviously I under-estimated what a nutjob I am,’ Max mumbled with admirable honesty not to mention some under-statement.

He didn’t know Abi and Lauren were planning to move to Glasgow - miles across the Walford border, past the perimeter fence that keeps the residents of Albert Square within a radius of 500 feet at all times.

He hadn’t banked on the surprise return of Stacey’s stolen mobile phone (containing messages from Jane Beale warning her about ‘what Max is capable of’).

Or his ex-wife Tan’ turning up (essentially to do the same and protect her daughters – from him).

Lauren was so worried about his mental state, Tanya told Max, she was re-considering moving to Scotland.

‘I’m fine !’ he bridled. ‘Don’t I look fine?’

‘I’m fine !’ he bridled. ‘Don’t I look fine?’ Lauren was so worried about his mental state, Tanya told Max, she was re-considering moving to Scotland

The answer to this was ‘No’, not least because he had a slot in the top of his bruised and bloodied head like a piggy bank. (This marked the spot where Ian had walloped him with a frying-pan after Max tried to strangle him with some fairy lights. Great times.)

Max had also spent the last two weeks wearing the same black hoodie and zipped-up puffa jacket (even when he was indoors).

Things became even more heated when Tanya realised Max had deleted Jane’s messages and that he and Stacey were ‘sleeping together’ (even though sleep was invariably the last thing on Max’s mind).

Desperate measures: Lauren, Abi, and Tanya headed for the car vowing Max would never see his grandchildren and son again

‘He’s done some bad things – who hasn’t?’ poor Stacey defended him naively (incorrectly). ‘He went to prison ! He didn’t even do anything wrong ! He’s not a bad man.’

Stacey had it so bad Tanya was left with no choice but to spell out for her (and everyone next door) that Max had killed Steven Beale and terrorised Jane into leaving Walford.

Lauren, Abi, and Tanya headed for the car vowing Max would never see his grandchildren and son again.

(To be fair he never saw Oscar anyway and Abi’s kid hadn’t even been born yet.)

Stacey didn’t want anything to do with him either.

Poetic justice: Max headed for the roof of The Queen Vic (as Bradley and Stacey had before him), and stood there in the pouring rain, arms outstretched, preparing to jump

‘What, for one thing?! One mistake?’ Max protested, optimistically.

But Stacey ended up screaming ‘It should’ve been you that fell off that roof, not Bradley.’

Max had already tried to persuade Phil to ‘put me out of my misery’ when Mitchell had pointed a gun at him to finish the deranged feud Max had embarked upon (for the part Phil and Ian played in him spending a year in prison for murdering Lucy Beale).

It seemed like poetic justice (at least to Max) that he headed for the roof of The Queen Vic (as Bradley and Stacey had before him), and stood there in the pouring rain, arms outstretched, preparing to jump.

But there are no suicides in soap, as Lauren and Abi would have known if they’d watched EastEnders.

‘Go back inside !’ Max roared when they joined him, pleading he come inside.

‘Dad please don’t do this !’ Lauren pleaded as she inched along the edge towards him only to stumble backwards, falling just as Abi reached out to grab her, and taking her sister with her

Bad seed: Max had already become totally psychotic at the prospect of spending 20 years in prison: helping Wilmot-Brown ruin his neighbours’ lives by taking over the Square; trying to throttle Ian; self-harming to relieve the pain ‘worming its way into my head’ by stubbing cigarettes out in his arm, and so on

‘I am not going back in without you !’ Abi vowed, looking at Lauren, and adding: ‘Are we?

Thanks sis….

‘Lauren be careful !’ Max panicked but without climbing down, just as the girls’ mother Tanya did not go up to stop them but stayed in the Square watching with horror.

‘Dad please don’t do this !’ Lauren pleaded as she inched along the edge towards him only to stumble backwards, falling just as Abi reached out to grab her, and taking her sister with her.

High drama: God knows what Max’s grief and guilt over the deaths of his daughters will do to him. On the plus side, at least Christmas Day in Walford was over for another year

To be continued: What will become of Max after his latest drama

Max had already become totally psychotic at the prospect of spending 20 years in prison: helping Wilmot-Brown ruin his neighbours’ lives by taking over the Square; trying to throttle Ian; self-harming to relieve the pain ‘worming its way into my head’ by stubbing cigarettes out in his arm, and so on.

God knows what Max’s grief and guilt over the deaths of his daughters will do to him.

On the plus side, at least Christmas Day in Walford was over for another year.