Top positive review
5.0 out of 5 starsCommitted
Reviewed in the United States on January 7, 2014
I first added this book to my to-read list in April 2012. I didn't actually pick it up until December 2013, and I am very glad I waited until then. You see, on November 29, 2013, my boyfriend proposed to me. Having just accepted his proposal made me an unusually receptive audience for this book.
This book ignited numerous conversations between me and my fiance. We talked about how to behave in such a way that reduces the risk of temptation from others, how to split household chores and incomes in such a way to increase our happiness and chances of success and stability, how we would balance our careers with the demands of a newborn. We talked about what marriage meant to different people, and how it varied depending on a person's culture and value system. I read the whole passage on the profile of what couple was statistically least and most likely to divorce.
That is why I gave this book five stars. It made me ponder my own situation and discuss it with my partner, and while it certainly isn't a primer on marriage, it made me feel like I have a better idea of what I'm getting myself into and the things to watch out for.
While I read the majority of this book silently to myself, there were passages that I read aloud to my fiance, and, if I asked nicely, he sometimes agreed to read it out loud to me. When he was reading, I sometimes got confused between the words Gilbert had written down and occasional commentary of his own, because Gilbert writes in such a conversational tone! Not sure if everyone likes that, but I did. Since sizable chunks of this book were essentially research findings, her conversational tone made the book much more readable.
I also really admired her ability to be so forthcoming with her own faults. She even goes so far as to list her top five biggest personality flaws! She is very intimate with her reader audience. Not only do I greatly respect that, but I think it encourages the reader to take a very honest look at him or herself as well. It certainly inspired me to do so: I had a heart-to-heart conversation with my fiance where we both discussed our flaws and shortcomings, and how to overcome them as a couple.
The ending of her book kind of made me roll my eyes, because after chapters and chapters of her going into all her misgivings about marriage, she included a final chapter that expounds on one small thought on marriage that she found encouraging. She seemed to be trying to end on a positive note, but it just seemed like she was grasping at straws. And right when I was literally, physically rolling my eyes, I read this line "Do I sound like I'm trying to talk myself into something here? People, I am trying to talk myself into something here."
Which, by the way, brings me to an interesting side note: While the book is listed on Goodreads with the subtitle "A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage," the book I bought from Amazon had the subtitle "A Love Story" (and a much uglier cover). I believe the subtitle was changed for later versions of this book, because the original one wasn't entirely accurate. I certainly would not go so far as to say that Elizabeth Gilbert had made peace with the institution by the end of the book. On the other hand, this book is much more than a simple love story, as this book explores marriage across cultures and history, rather than focusing only on a single story.
Gilbert's ultimate conclusion is not one of sunshine and roses, it's a much more subdued conclusion that marriage can be terribly risky and involves a great deal of sacrifice, but sometimes, it's your best option. If that sounds like a crappy book to you, you probably shouldn't read this. But if you're open to hearing why marriage can be disadvantageous to a woman, why getting married for love instantly makes your marriage more likely to fail, and what warning signs to watch out for, then you'll get something out of this book. Personally, I suspect that the information I have imbibed from this book will influence my thoughts and actions for years to come.