It's pretty certain that a zombie John Boehner wouldn't have much of a tan, but it's not clear if a zombie John Boehner would cry very much. Tears of blood wouldn't quite count, would they? Maybe they would, in which case zombie John Boehner almost certainly cries a great deal, just as regular John Boehner cries every time aids in the destruction of health, safety, and security for millions of Americans.

Of course, those are just crocodile tears that carry no emotional content, but neither do the tears of a zombie. The same is true of all the promises, protestations of morals, and other platitudes that come out of the biting, grasping mouths of such politicians.

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Mitch McConnell represents Kentucky as a Senator and as such he wields a great deal of power. Sadly, he doesn't wield that power in a manner that benefits anyone but his wealthiest benefactors. Mitch McConnell is a man who's been bought and paid for; the wealthy corporate elite say "jump" and he doesn't even stop to ask "how high?"

Mitch McConnell does what he's told because in the best financial interests of him and his family. When it destroys other families, he doesn't give a damn.

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Is Ronald Reagan dead? Amazingly, people really do search with that question. Perhaps some will end up here and learn that Ronald Reagan isn't really dead so long as he's a zombie. Of course, he's not really alive so long as he's a zombie either, but isn't a zombie Ronald Reagan better than a dead Ronald Reagan? He might even stay awake longer and pay more attention that way!

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Eric Cantor would be a Jewish zombie and that raises a very important question: are Jewish zombies supposed to keep Kosher? If so, then a zombie Eric Cantor might have some trouble getting his fill of brains unless he's aware enough to kill his victims in a kosher way — that's assuming, of course, that humans and thus human brains can be considered kosher at all for Jewish zombies.

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Chris Christie, Governor of New Jersey, has seen his approval rating plummet, largely because of his treatment of regular citizens — and especially unions. Chris Christie's approval rating is so low that even if he were to become a zombie and started eating the brains of citizens asking him tough questions, he probably wouldn't lose much more popularity.

Then again, if it's the brains of the poor he's eating, his approval rating in the Republican Party would probably grow and there would be even louder calls for him to run for president. Has there ever been a zombie president? I mean, other than Ronald Reagan.

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