04  06     Dammit, this site was meant to be generated on the fly by now, but today things just weren't happening. (I did do some pretty passive study for my Software Engineering unit, though). Maybe tomorrow.

Lisa's starting to chase some guy, and my reaction was rather hostile. I think I'm making a rather strong connection between her being with a guy, and not wanting anything to do with me (or her other friends). It sucks, but I mean, she did it with Cameron (try reading the distant past in this weblog) and with the last long-term guy before him, so I don't think it's entirely unjustified. And at one point I'd have had qualms about saying that so blatantly, but after the last time she did it I promised myself that I wouldn't ever lay down for that sort of shit from her again. Her actions completely demolished any sense of security I had regarding her and our friendship, and while she's willing to be very sorry about what she did i don't think she's able to accept that there are consequences. I wonder if things can ever be normal again? *sigh* Pipe dream?

And it doesn't help that being around people who are at all active, and verbalise that they're active in, any sort of sexual/relationship/dating/whatever capacity make me rather uncomfortable, and just plain miserable after enough rambling by the happy fucking sods. All chasing that every made me was miserable (heck, it turned me into a raving misogynist) and I just don't want a part of it. Keep it away, it's poison to me. (Guys rambling about decent chicks is okay, though, that's a timehonoured tradition :)

Mmmm, heavy rain. Sleep now.



02  06     Eep, for yonks this site had been broken, I just noticed when I looked at it in links. Added a missing '>' and all is good. *runs through validator*



31  05     Mewse is drooling over this, but hell, skip over a gallery and you'll find this ... fuck me ... mind you the two on the left look kinda vapid, but the one on the right.. phwoar.



31  05     Assignment done and handed in, but didn't get around to getting the raw HTTP get going. Damn, probably 10% gone. 8 hours sleep in the last 60. Blech.



29  05     Sitting in a lab on a Tuesday afternoon, finishing this assignment... bleh. It is coming along nicely, though.

Screenshot

I find it odd that there are so many rooty chicks in first year here. I mean, at least five times as many as there are in the second year of the course (ie me and everyone I know). And there's more doing their third year as well. Sucky.

Redesign of the backend of this site is coming - last assignment is due in two days, so there'll be no excuse.

I opened another savings account at the bank yesterday as well. So now, when I get paid I'll transfer large quantities of it into the savings account - I don't need to fritter away money on silly stuff as much as I do, heck I was quite happily not doing so in the not-distant-at-all past when I didn't have the money to waste. Although I figure the DVD player planned for purchase within a few paydays means I won't have that impressive total a month from now.

And midsemester break is a mere three weeks from today, so I'll be working plenty...



27  05     I think I'm not definite enough.

When at home, I find I'm gaming less and less. Why? Because I never feel like committing myself to an activity, definitely, for more than about an hour. And it's been so long since I just slouched in front of the TV for more than a couple of hours. And this attitude is becoming a little stressful, and rather counterproductive (amusing, since I can see it's roots being in me trying to be more productive by multitasking fun stuff like websurfing and telephone conversations with not-fun stuff like boring English essays).

So anyway, I'm going to commit myself to some action. The next 30 - 90 minutes will be spent on little, potting-around things like the fortnightly "oh-my-god-i've-neglected-it-and-now-it's-a-pigsty-again" tidying of my bedroom, filing of the stacks of paper on my desk and collecting all of ther overdue videotapes into a single, rewound pile for return to the store. (Rewinding tapes is so tedious when you're not doing anything else; but hey, next pay is mostly going towards a DVD player methinks).

Then I'm going to spend 2 to 3 solid hours (with a dinner break) working on one particular assignment. Then I'll spend the rest of the evening doing less critical-path things like getting my IPX working (the CDROM drive didn't work first time, so it got shoved in the corner and forgotten about for a month) and reading over the notes from the algorithms lecture I consciously skipped, and the software engineering practical I completely forgot to go to. Oh, and set up some new mailboxes (my ISP has recently started giving their customers up to 4 extra mailboxes) for spam traps, rarely-read mailing lists etc, and rewriting my maze of .forwards to work in a more practical manner (translation: too much junk is ending up in places I don't really want it).

Quickly reading over this, the "I think" at the beginning of this post was not an intentional pun.

(Note to self: get vi configured better. On half the systems I use, the cursor keys work unless you're in INSERT mode, where they insert a line above the current line and begin it with the last character of the control sequence that the cursor key consists of. Should I be changing settings in VI, the termcap/terminfo on the shell machine or in my terminal client? Oh, and get spell checking working in vi, I know it's possible but haven't got around to it...)



19  05    
[23:26:07]  ally :)
[23:30:30] --- SignOff grommie: #starwars (Leaving)

*sniff*


13  05     I really should update more often. I should also get around to doing the "real" design of this page... it was planned for months ago, then work kicked in and the time/motivation just disappeared. I did, however, just wipe out all of the PHP (re-implemented the layout in Perl) and re-organise the archives into two sections:


(And if something seems missing, try the demongate mirror instead of despayre. As I said, still messy as hell :)

This week was pretty good. Worked some more. Got my Australian Business Number (since they brought in the GST - like the Brits have VAT, kinda - businesses have all sorts of extra tax shit, and that includes people working as contractors). Now I can actually bill them for the hours I work :) I still need to sort out the contractual details though... not much talk with the boss happened this week. It sucks when you work at a largely-family business, and a member of their family dies.

The code is going fine, but a lot of the other stuff related to building is getting on my nerves. The Palm Conduit stuff uses MFC, so I have to link all of that bullshit in even if I don't use it myself. On the other hand, I guess that people with the Palm stuff will already have MFC then, so actually giving them MFC isn't a detail I have to worry about. (Note that I say "Give them MFC" the same way I'd say "Give them herpes"). VStudio is also doing this annoying thing where I can add the file with the WinSock stuff to the project, and it works fine. Exit VStudio and then go back in and load the project up.. linking clashes left right and centre, with everything fighting over who gets the DllMain symbol. Obviously it's regenerating dependencies upon loading the project, and deciding to add in lots of unnecessary libraries. I think a bit of tomorrow will be spent wading through docs ...*sigh*.

I need a small HTTP server (written in Perl?) so I can run it on a local system at uni. All it needs to be able to handle is CGI scripts written in Perl ... makes sense to do it locally. Freshmeat isn't helping :/

To do today: get most of the work done on a multi-layered, multi-node, routing 'network' for cnet, and delve into the project management aspects of my Software Engineering group assignment. Yuck.



06  05     Everything that's happened since last Saturday evening.

Sunday: nothing much. Did some study for the CC test on Monday, and the DAA test on Tuesday.

Monday: Went to work for the first time at my new place. Pretty cool :) Spent most of the day reading though Palm conduit development documentation .. I also wandered across the road to go helpdesk at my old workplace for a couple of hours. Was pretty dead; the helpdesk might not be around for much longer, since at the rate of people coming in it's coming to a cost of $30 per problem fixed to the boss' budget, which just isn't worth it. Went over to uni afterwards and sat the CC test. I think I did okay.

Tuesday: Went to uni. DAA test. Software Engineering lecture. Did some work during the long break.

Wednesday: Actually rocked up at an SPD tute.. very boring stuff, we got walked through some elements of using tcsh. Had a meeting regarding the Software Engineering group assignment; it's hard and tortuous and stuff :/

Thursday: Went to work again. Got a palm conduit working by the end of the day, syncronising between the memo pad on the desktop and the 'palm' (actually a RAM image running in the Palm emulator on the same machine.. you just get it to do a network 'HotSync' to 192.168.0.1). Yeah, there's a conduit there already to do it, but putting your own in it's place is pretty much the first exercise in conduit coding. Also played a little with JNetLib, which is very nice. Skipped the SPD lecture and went shopping. Bought a copy of Orwell's 1984, just because I want it on my bookshelf. Grabbed Kim Stanley Robinson's Green Mars as well. And the Cure's Best of 1985-1998 album, and a copy of The Sims (I don't think I'd feel good pirating all of my non-free software when I earn my money writing the stuff).

Friday: Went to work for a few hours. Arrrrrrrrrgggghhh. All of the conduit stuff has inexplicatly STOPPED WORKING.... so annoying!! Went to uni and got back my SE test... I failed miserably. I hope my group does reasonably well on the assignment, or I'm completely fucked. I will put some effort in on the unit from now on, though - it's a studystudystudypass unit - so I should be okay.

Friday night: Went to see Best in Show, then into Northbridge for coffee. This was meant to be a study weekend - didn't feel that way when I arrived home at 4.30am. We (me and Lise) would probably have been out of there pretty quickly, except we bumped into one of Lisa's friends. Her friend was mildly attractive, but Linda neglected to introduce her. Meh.

Saturday: mostly sleep. Did some shell programming exercises for SPD (the unit is kinda challenging, just not the actual tutes or lectures - it's the work you walk away with that's the killer). Popped over to Carousel (Americans would call it a 'mall') and bought one of these - rather nice, especially for the price. Returned Lisa's to her; I'd borrowed it to take for a trial run (kinda hard to simulate cycling conditions whilst standing in a store).



28  04     It's Saturday evening. Summary of events since Thursday morning: woke up. Went into UWA to work the helpdesk for a couple of hours. My old man dropped by since he was in the area with a car, and I loaded up the 19" monitor I scored for my Sun IPX. Then I went into Freo and shopped around for a few items of clothing. Caught the train out to curtin Uni and (for once) attended my SPD251 lecture. Unix system calls. Boooring. Got home and tested the monitor - it worked a treat, although it was a little dim. Washing the screen fixed that up.

Friday morning I caught the bus to UWA early, since the buses were going on strike. Loitered around workplace #1 for a while even though I wasn't working, but nothing better to do. Then wandered across the road to Family Health Publishing and for a job interview and scored myself a coding job :) It's C stuff, I'll be doing mostly Palm stuff (very funky!) and it's a couple of stories above the pub! I also get to set my own hours, work from home a fair bit if I want etc.. the only complication is that I'm a contractor rather than an employee, so I'll have to handle tax differently, set myself up with a business number with the tax office etc....

Anyways, then I caught the bus/train/bus (avoiding strikes) over to Curtin again. Remembered that this Cara-Leigh chick looks pretty hot, looked around and couldn't see her. Bah. Went home, was on the verge of collapsing into bed when Lisa rang. One hour later, I'm in the tavern at Murdoch Uni trying to convince Lisa's cousin that EB is good. She still didn't like the bitterness though so the next jug was coopers. She didn't really like that either. Can't say I objected to the subsequent Midori shakers though.

Lisa's ex-bf was there as well, being bitchy. I tried talking to him, but there's only so much crap I cbf putting up with when I'm trying to have a good time.

We got a little bored and Cameron was being a depressive fuck so we headed back to Lisa's place and raided her sister's pot stash. Mel is such a whore for pot.. for some reason, it doesn't have a very dramatic effect on me. Mebbe because I'm usually completely pissed by the time I get into it. Watched Buffy back at Lisa's place and crashed.

This morning (well, arvo) woke up. Richie was completely fucked. Lisa took her usual amount of time getting ready. Wandered off to Carousel. Lisa shopped round for a Discman and picked up a midrange Sony for $160. (Aussie bucks). Saw Tomcats and wandered into the pub downstairs for coffee. Mel arrived so her and Lisa are off clubbing; Richie and I crawled back to our respective homes.

Since I've lost Monday (not that I'm complaining, it's cos I've got a new fun job! :) tomorrow is going to be HEAVY study for my test on Monday evening in Computer Communications. I think half my study will be getting ahead on the CC assignment... I also have a practical quiz for DAA on Tuesday. Then it's easy sailing until end of semester when I have a plethora of assignments due and exams to sit. Fun fun fun.

Anyways, off to fiddle with my IPX and crash...



18  04     The previous post was silly, and shitty, and selfish, and a whole lot of other things. Just for the record, the only reason it's still there is because I promised myself I'd never delete a post retrospectively when I actually meant what I was saying at the time. (Grep this page for "cara-lee")



18  04     Chris seems to like Lisa a little bit. And Lisa likes Chris a little bit. And, surprise surprise, nobody's liking me right now, but that's pretty much status quo anyways.

I'm quite fucking bothered. Fucks sake, I haven't cultivated a nice little network of fallback friends that exist in a separate social sphere, so I can happily ignore things and spend time with other mates. I'm friends with the people I'm friends with because I like them. I guess it's like having sex without doing family planning - it's bound to get you in the shits sooner or later even if your intentions are pure.

Quite frankly, I can't afford to have those two start liking each other more than they like me. See, I already live in this paranoid little psycho-world where everyone is happily partnering up around me, while I stand in the middle rather bemused by the entire thing I'm being left out of. And now it's like I'll watch it for a while, make up some amusing anecdote and turn to the side to share it with someone; except they're not interested in hearing it right now cos they're busy snogging another one of my mates.

Maybe I should start putting more effort into my uni work; the obsessive NEED 100% kind of thing which ends up consuming all of your time. Or I should find another job that works me into the ground. Or ANYTHING to distract me from looking dejectedly at the world around me, because right now I feel like a fat man watching a porno. And the end result of it is I'm fucking myself.

Thing is, neither Chris or Lise are doing anything remotely dishonourable or wrong; heck, Chris is still kind of hinting rather than saying anything outright, I get the feeling he'd like my blessing, right now he's saying he won't touch and I believe him completely. Which I feel like shit for wanting him to do. Heck, I basically told Lisa "hands off Chris" tonight, and I think I've done something unforgivable here. I mean, I should (fuck, I do) trust Chris to be okay with the entire situation, and Lisa would probably be over it if I just gently discouraged her for a week or so, hence it was pointless anyway - and you just don't stand in another guy's way like that. Mind you, the honourable thing to do would be to throw their phone numbers at each other and take a back seat. This isn't a new complex or anything for me; I've been known to comment that I already feel inferior because chicks take barely any interest in me and I feel as though the entire world is pairing up, which is fine except I'll be left alone at the end with no-one to consider me #1.

I can't even get a few close friends over to get completely smashed without sparks flying while I'm passed out or throwing up somewhere. A zone of platonicity can't exist even in that state? (Disclaimer: I guess that my "platonic" could easily translate into a chick's "you're not good enough." I'm fucking nuts to consider it a drunken ideal, which when reached frees men from the horrible bondage of their penis)

Of course, what it all comes down to is that nobody wants me in a significant way.

Am I really that repulsive?



17  04     Well, it doesn't seem like it's been two weeks since I updated.

I've finished work as a systems admin.. buh-bye $$$$$$$$, although I'll still be earning the odd $$$ working as a helpdesk guy. Still, I get this week off completely, as all of the local unis (except for Murdoch Uni, but they suck) are on mid-semester break. It's enjoyable not having to do anything at all. Anyways, stuff to do is reorganise room, put a shelf in, general clean. I also need a serial cable with a DIN-8 plug on one end so I can configure the Sparcstation IPX that I grabbed from work as a going away present. Once it no longer believes it has it's old IP and whatnot, I'll just run it headless and SSH in. Or, if I can actually find a monitor converter cable, I'll actually use it's framebuffer. Oh, and exporting X sessions GOOOD.

Was my birthday on Saturday... and I got to housesit at rellies, so Lisa, Chris and Paul came round and got rather drunk. I feel I put in a pretty stellar effort myself; they were all drinking independantly and I was independantly drinking with each of them. My recovery time is getting better as well.. by this evening (36 hours later..) I was already having beer cravings. That said, Lisa was still drinking the next day... alco... I spoke to her that night and she was getting into the scotch... oh, and she reckoned that at one point Chris goes "So Andrew, honestly, while you're pissed, do you think I have the potential to be a good writer?" and I appeared to avoid the question... which I don't remember, but I doubt I avoided the question deliberately, although I will concede that I have no real opinion on Chris' writing because he never fucking shows me any :) (Yes, Chris reads this, and he should see that last sentence. It's quite intentional.)

Aggravatingly, my little brother's birthday is the day before mine, and right now he's having a slumber party... I'm on the verge of going postal, they're no longer banging on my walls but they are playing wrestling which involves lots of thumping, shouting and giggling (nothing more annoying than an only-just-prepubescent male voice) at 3am in the damn morning. Die die die.

Spontaneous note to self: computer swap meet next time it happens. Need RAM for gateway machine and IPX. And a cheap hub :)

I'm writing this in the Windows version of VIM. VIM owns. It can do everything I want. Heck, you can Convert to HTML and it will flawlessly output your source, as it appears in editor, to a HTML file. With syntax colouring and all. (That said, I've just noticed that it appears to have focus-related problems when you use Litestep's virtual desktops and move off and onto the desktop VIM is living on).

Most fucked up original USENET post of the week:

From: suppressed
Subject: suicide helpline
Newsgroups: suppressed

<recorded voice> "Thank you for calling the Suicide Help Line.  Your call
may be recorded for training purposes.  All of our operators are currently
occupied, please wait and someone will be with you shortly."

<muzak version of Beck's "Loser">

"Good morning, Suicide Help Line.  If you've called us, you need help.  My
name is Toby, how may I be of assistance?"

"Uh... yeah, um, is this the suicide help line?"

"It most certainly is.  How can I help you?"

"Well, I... I don't know where to begin."

"Try at the very beginning.  It's a very fine place to start."

"Uh, okay... well, um, lately I've been finding myself more and more
depressed, you know?  My job's going nowhere, I live alone, no-one's loved
me in my whole miserable life, and basically I just can't see the point in
going on.  It's never going to get any better.  I'm at the end of my
rope."

And this cracks me up.

Anyway, enough random ranting. Bed.



03  04     Bleh. I was completely bored and ready to get a decent amount of sleep last night, until Lisa rang and made things more interesting *hiss*. Still, I got to uni on time (for once) and proceeded to get bored silly in a tutorial where people didn't understand routing tables. Y'know, stuff like:

ark-1% route -n
Kernel IP routing table
Destination     Gateway         Genmask         Flags Metric Ref    Use Iface
134.7.2.10      0.0.0.0         255.255.255.255 UH    0      0        0 eth0
134.7.2.0       0.0.0.0         255.255.255.0   U     0      0        0 eth0
127.0.0.0       0.0.0.0         255.0.0.0       U     0      0        0 lo
0.0.0.0         134.7.2.200     0.0.0.0         UG    1      0        0 eth0

Sure, you may not understand it either, but you aren't well into a unit on Computer Communications.

Anyways, I'm just punching this in before going to a tute in my algorithms unit (which I actually enjoy) and then I'm off to meet Lisa for coffee in a shopping centre far, far away on the opposite end of the bus route. Public transport is, in this city, pretty fucking good. I mean, I can catch a bus from uni to the city and then transfer to a bus that drops me off a 10 minute walk from my front door at 11pm. Total cost: $1.30 (that's about 65 cents American right now). What really aggravates me is catching a bus from the mall (jesus, am I aiming at an American audience or what? :) latish Thursday night, there are enough deroes on the bus that two security guards are required, in addition to the driver, for about 30 people. The kind that yell faggot at te driver because he won't let them on without paying the negligible fare. So fucking annoying.

I don't think the helpdesk people in this lab (the general purpose one at the uni where I study) like me very much. Maybe I'm a little too condescending. It's hard to avoid doing so when explaining the concept of "network traffic" to someone trying to police policies on Internet use. "Yes, downloading does exactly the same thing as viewing a page as far as the netowrk and the other site is concerned." "No, downloading data costs us money, but as far as we've been told it doesn't cost anything just to look at stuff." Fucking hell. Incidentally, my sysadmin gig will be over soon (the fulltimers are rolling in to replace us temps) and I'm falling back to working the helpdesk for a few hours a couple of days a week at the same place (certainly enough to get by with.. money good, and I think I'll take a hbit of a break before looking for anything else major). I think they might even fire their least favouite helpdesk guy to give me another shift. Cos he's useless and stuff; basically all he's good for is handballing problems up to us techs, at which point the users may as well come straight to us. And on helpdesk I'l probably keep root access to a lot of the systems, so I'll still be able to jump in and fix a problem if I can see what it is.

Hmm, tute... later.



01  04     Just for future reference, my private email address is locust at fastlane dot net dot au. You're probably best off using that for personal correspondance. Please don't post it in a public (ie open to spam trawlers) place.



01  04     I thought the script was broken, but it appears that I caught Sal in the middle of upgrading Apache. mod_perl now, yay!

Priorities:

  • Clean up this damn room. I'm so fucking messy heh.
  • Finish SPD assignment. Maybe write it up in HTML? I was thinking TeX, but I think I'll use that for my DAA (advanced maths and algorithms, basically) assignment instead. I'm looking for an excuse to learn, and having something to finish means you're oh so motivated.
  • Get all of this redesigned and working.
  • Do a page using PHP (Sourceforge help required? :) so I can show it to my boss and convince him to pay me to handle the overhaul of the site at work.





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