'He was furious with me': Howard Stern says his 'meaningless, antagonistic' interview with Robin Williams about the comedian's affair with his son's nanny is his 'biggest regret'

  • The world's highest-paid radio host reflects on his controversial 30-year career in his new memoir Howard Stern Comes Again, which hit the shelves Tuesday
  • Stern describes his guilt over an interview with Robin Williams in the early 90s
  • He badgered the actor about how he left his wife of 10 years to marry his nanny
  • 'I was attacking the guy, and he was justifiably furious with me,' Stern writes
  • The shock jock tried to contact Williams to apologize two decades later in 2014, but the comedian died by suicide before Stern was able to 
  • Stern describes in the book how therapy changed attitude toward interviewing 
  • The 56-year-old, who is famous for asking interviewees very sexual questions, says he's tried to make amends those he feels he was inappropriate with

Howard Stern has revealed his enduring guilt over not getting the chance to apologize to Robin Williams after he badgered the comedian about leaving his wife for his son's former nanny when interviewing him in the early 90s.   

The world's highest-paid radio personality reflected on his 33 years in the industry in his new memoir Howard Stern Comes Again, admitting that he was a 'maniac' during the early years of his career. 

'My narcissism was so strong that I was incapable of appreciating what somebody else might be feeling,' Stern writes in the book, which hit the shelves on Tuesday.  

'I have so many regrets about guests from that time. Possibly my biggest regret was my interview with Robin Williams.' 

Stern, who is infamous for asking his guests about their sex lives, interviewed the 'Mrs. Doubtfire' actor in the early 90s. 

Williams had recently divorced his wife of 10 years Valerie Velardi after cheating on her with their infant son Zach's nanny Marsha Garces. He married the mistress in 1989, one year after the divorce, while she was pregnant with their first child.  

'I was attacking the guy, and he was justifiably furious with me,' Stern writes. 'Years later, I realized I finally needed to apologize.'

He continues: 'I didn't know what Robin's reaction would be. He could have hung up on me. He could have cursed me out. I had to do it. 

'It took me twenty years to work up the nerve. I was in the midst of tracking down his phone number, and the next day he died,' Stern said, referring to Williams' death by suicide in 2014.

'I'm still filled with sadness over his loss and remorse for my failure to reach out sooner.'

Howard Stern reflects on his long, successful career in the radio industry in his forthcoming memoir Howard Stern Comes Again, out Tuesday. The infamous shock jock (above on May 9) reveals that his biggest regret was his interview with Robin Williams in the early 90s

Howard Stern reflects on his long, successful career in the radio industry in his forthcoming memoir Howard Stern Comes Again, out Tuesday. The infamous shock jock (above on May 9) reveals that his biggest regret was his interview with Robin Williams in the early 90s

Stern badgered Williams about how he left his wife of 10 years Valerie Velardi (above together) for their son's nanny Marsha Garces
The interview took place shortly after the actor divorced from Velardi in 1988 and married Garces (above together) in 1989 when she was pregnant with their child. 'I was attacking the guy, and he was justifiably furious with me,' Stern writes

Stern badgered Williams about how he left his wife of 10 years Valerie Velardi (left together) for their son's nanny Marsha Garces (left together). The interview took place shortly after the actor divorced from Velardi in 1988 and married Garces in 1989 when she was pregnant with their child. 'I was attacking the guy, and he was justifiably furious with me,' Stern writes

If given the chance to say his piece, Stern says he would have told Williams: 'I'm sorry, because I am such a huge fan, and you didn't even know that, and I didn't allow myself to be a fan of yours, and I didn't allow you to have the microphone and entertain my audience, and I learned nothing about you in the interview I did. 

'I was just an attacking maniac, and I want to tell you it is one of the biggest regrets of my life because I hold you near and dear to my heart, but I was in such a bad place I couldn't allow myself to be a fan of somebody. 

'I was so crazed about ratings and keeping the audience's attention, I had no business conducting an interview with you like that. So, I just want to apologize.' 

Stern said he regrets never getting to apologize to Williams before he died by suicide in 2014. The comedian is pictured around the time of the interview in 1996

Stern said he regrets never getting to apologize to Williams before he died by suicide in 2014. The comedian is pictured around the time of the interview in 1996

The interview with Williams was one of many that Stern feels he botched because of his own arrogance.  

He says he deeply regrets having asked Gilda Radner if her costar Gene Wilder 'had a big penis' during a 1983 interview that left the Saturday Night Live comic in tears. Stern wasn't able to apologize to her before she died in 1989.

Rapper Eminem, actor Will Ferrell and singers Carly Simon and George Michael were among the people Stern felt the need to apologize to after their interviews.  

'George Michael's band Wham! — everyone I worked with said: "Whatever you do, don't ask them if they're gay. Do not ask them if they're gay." Within twenty seconds, I asked them if they were gay,' he writes in his new book. 

During his cringeworthy 1995 interview with Simon, Stern brazenly asked the singer: 'Can I squeeze your buttocks?'

Stern says it wasn't until he began psychotherapy treatment in the late 90s that he started to re-evaluate how he was approaching his career.   

'I really wanted to get out there and tell people that psychoanalysis works, to not be afraid,' Stern told the New York Post of his book. 

'It took me five years to call this psychiatrist I saw. I didn't want to admit I needed anyone. I didn't know what it was all about. I found it incredibly intimidating.

'In fact, one of the reasons I included Bill Murray in the book … he sums it up by saying: "You take a good hard look at yourself and sometimes you don't like what you find." And that's true. 

'When you do [take a good hard look], real profound change can happen.' 

Stern (above in 1995) says he regrets many of the interviews he conducted early in his career

Stern (above in 1995) says he regrets many of the interviews he conducted early in his career

The shock jock is seen hugging singer Carly Simon as he asks her: 'Can I squeeze your buttocks?' during a 1996 interview on The Howard Stern Show

The shock jock is seen hugging singer Carly Simon as he asks her: 'Can I squeeze your buttocks?' during a 1996 interview on The Howard Stern Show

Another interview Stern wishes he could go back and redo was with Eminem in 1999 (above)

Another interview Stern wishes he could go back and redo was with Eminem in 1999 (above)

Stern said he started off going to therapy twice a week but soon increased the frequency to four times a week. 

'The more I went, the more that translated into how I interviewed my guests,' he writes. 'I found myself changing my approach because I had experienced what it was like to have someone genuinely interested in my life. 

'Therapy opened me up and enabled me to appreciate how fulfilling it was to be truly heard. That led me to the thought: "You know, somebody else might actually have something to say. Let's just sit here and listen and not make it all about you."

'At first, not making it about me was difficult. I had to learn to say no to myself. Stop talking. Start listening. Let someone else shine and have a moment. Trust that the audience will remain there.

In his book Stern describes his efforts to make amends with those he felt he'd wronged.  

He writes: 'Some were gracious. A radio guy I had been awful to said: "You know what, man? I'm so glad you called. I actually felt bad for you that you were carrying around so much bitterness and ugliness inside, and I'm happy you don't have that anymore." 

My narcissism was so strong that I was incapable of appreciating what somebody else might be feeling. 

'Others were angry. A famous comedian I had bashed said to me: "I appreciate that you called, but I don't know if I could ever forgive you. I had to go through a lot of misery, because your fans were brutal."'

Though one section of his book is titled 'Drugs and Sobriety', including interviews with Bradley Cooper, Miley Cyrus, Chris Cornell and others, Stern says he's 'not a drugs guy'.  

'If anything, I'm addicted to people,' Stern told the Post. 'And what I mean by that is I'm addicted to the spotlight. I'm addicted to getting attention from people. And a lot of those things come from being very starved in a way. I'm actually surprised I'm not obese — because I need to fill myself — but I'm filling myself with people.

'There's no difference between a drug addict, an alcoholic or gambling [addict], or people addict. I tried to get the audience's attention in so many ways that it's a struggle. I mean, what are you really looking for with all of that? Sure, you want to be an entertainer, but there can be room for other people on the dial. There's got to be some balance in your life.'

He recalls spiraling into a depression in 2006 after the radio station he worked for did a study that showed one in four drivers on the Long Island Expressway were tuned in to his show. 

 'That's an amazing accomplishment, and yet I thought: "Well, why are the other three cars not listening to me?" Now that's called an addiction. That's an addiction to attention … That's a pretty sad statement,' he said.  

Stern is pictured during the debut of his Sirius XM Satellite Radio show in January of 2006. The 56-year-old remains the world's highest-paid radio host after some 33 years in the industry

Stern is pictured during the debut of his Sirius XM Satellite Radio show in January of 2006. The 56-year-old remains the world's highest-paid radio host after some 33 years in the industry

Stern is pictured with wife Beth Ostrosky in November. The pair have been married since 2008

Stern is pictured with wife Beth Ostrosky in November. The pair have been married since 2008

Stern also suffers from obsessive-compulsive disorder, which he admits made writing this most recent book a battle.

When asked about his previous best-selling memoirs, Private Parts (1993) and Miss America (1995), Stern advised anyone who owns the books to 'burn them'.

'I'm not proud of my first two books,' Stern writes. 'I don't even have them displayed on my shelf at home. I think of them, and of the interviews I did with my guests during those first couple decades of my career, and I cringe.'

He says he has made a conscious effort to avoid being outrageous just for the sake of being outrageous while holding on to his unique sense of humor - which is explains why his new book has the suggestive title Howard Stern Comes Again.  

'That was a conscious decision,' Stern told the Post. 'I was almost going to call the book Howard Stern: The Interviews or something. Then I said: "Wait a second, that's really not reflective of who I am." Because while we're doing these interviews … in the next minute, you know, we might be doing our fart humor and having people throwing up on one another.' 

'My sense of humor hasn't changed. I am Fartman, I don't deny that,' he added, referencing his old superhero persona.

Stern says his isn't proud of his first two memoirs, Private Parts (1993 - above) and Miss America (1995) and has advised anyone who owns the books to 'burn them'
The cover of Stern's 1995 book Miss America is seen above

Stern says his isn't proud of his first two memoirs, Private Parts (1993 - left) and Miss America (1995 - right), and has advised anyone who owns the books to 'burn them'

Stern's book strikes a more serious note as he describes the cancer scare in 2017 that motivated him to write it after keeping the condition private from his listeners.  

'It is weird for a guy who admits so much on the air not to admit that,' Stern told The Post. 'I ultimately was glad I didn't, because I really needed to just kind of process the whole thing. I was having a hard time coming to grips with my own mortality.'

In May 2017, Stern startled his loyal fans when he failed to show up for work - a rarity for the shock jock who was famous for not missing a day.

On the morning of May 10, Stern underwent a risky surgery to remove a growth on his kidney that doctors believed had a 90 percent chance of being cancerous but turned out to be a benign cyst.    

'When I went back on the air a week later, I was having a lot of difficulty after the surgery,' Stern said. 'There was a discomfort. I had had seven incisions in my abdomen. [I didn't] want the audience to be like: "Oh, he didn't have a good show today … He's uncomfortable from his surgery." I didn't want that to enter into the performance.' 

The health scare caused Stern to think about the legacy he would leave behind.  

'I wanted one great thing that I could hand to somebody and say: "Here's what I'm doing. Here's what I think I'd like to be remembered for,"' Stern said. 

'When I had that cancer scare, I was like: "Oh, wow, I'm not going to live forever." I hadn't even considered it [before] … I just figured: "Oh, I've got a lot of time." And I don't.'

He said he hopes Howard Stern Comes Again can be the thing he's proud to be remembered for.  

'I guess in a self-serving way, I'm attempting to reach some people who either didn't come to satellite with me, or people who aren't fans of mine,' he said.

The memoir published by Simon & Schuster is now for sale at $21.99.

HOWARD STERN COMES AGAIN: FULL EXCERPT

'I'm not proud of my first two books. I don't even have them displayed on my bookshelf at home. I think of them, and of the interviews I did with my guests during those first couple decades of my career, and I cringe. I was an absolute maniac. My narcissism was so strong that I was incapable of appreciating what somebody else might be feeling.

'I have so many regrets about guests from that time. I asked Gilda Radner if Gene Wilder had a big penis. Great question. Drove her right out the door. George Michael's band Wham! Everyone I worked with said, "Whatever you do, don't ask them if they're gay. Do not ask them if they're gay." Within twenty seconds, I asked them if they were gay. Eminem came on the show once then never again. Same with Will Ferrell.

'Possibly my biggest regret was my interview with Robin Williams. When Robin came on the show in the early nineties, I spent the entire time badgering him about how he had divorced his first wife and remarried his son's former nanny. I was attacking the guy, and he was justifiably furious with me. Years later, I realized I finally needed to apologize. I had already done this with some other people. I called them and tried to make amends. Some were gracious. A radio guy I had been awful to said, "You know what, man? I'm so glad you called. I actually felt bad for you that you were carrying around so much bitterness and ugliness inside, and I'm happy you don't have that anymore." Others were angry. A famous comedian I had bashed said to me, "I appreciate that you called, but I don't know if I could ever forgive you. I had to go through a lot of misery, because your fans were brutal." I didn't know what Robin's reaction would be. He could have hung up on me. He could have cursed me out. I had to do it.

'It took me twenty years to work up the nerve. I was in the midst of tracking down his phone number, and the next day he died. I'm still filled with sadness over his loss and remorse for my failure to reach out sooner.

'Telling Carly Simon how hot she was for a half-hour or spewing sex questions to Wilmer Valderrama – this ultimately led to nothing. It wasn't good radio. It was meaningless. It was just me being self-absorbed and compulsive about asking something that would provoke and antagonize. Those weren't really interviews. They were monologues. Instead of a conversation, it was just me blurting out ridiculous things. I had some real issues.

'Then I started going to a psychotherapist.

'This was in the late nineties. I had no idea how therapy worked. The only thing I knew about it was what I saw in movies and on television, where people would just sit there and tell stories. So that's what I did. My first session, I sat down in the chair and began telling the therapist anecdotes as if I was on the radio. I hit him with all my favorite routines. I did a thorough and involved set on the Stern family tree, complete with impressions of my family. I put together a few minutes on marriage, then moved into the pressures of the radio business, and closed with the trials and tribulations of raising a family.

'After I was finished with my stand-up, the therapist instead of applauding said, "There's nothing funny going on here. Quite frankly, some of this stuff sounds pretty sad." My first response was to get defensive. Who was he to say that? I could tell that story and laugh. I had done it many times. Gradually, after a few more sessions, I realized he was right. He was the first person who ever said to me, "I take you seriously." I had always been hungry for someone to confide in like that, but I had pushed away my hunger. That's often what people who are traumatized do. In order to protect themselves, they act like nobody else matters. They tell themselves they don't need anyone.

'The irony is that I've always had an appreciation for others in my work. Yes, it's called "The Howard Stern Show," but I'm at my best when I have a bunch of people around me, when I can call on them and collaborate. Whether it's my co-host, Robin Quivers, or my producer Gary Dell'Abate or our jack-of-all-trades (sound effects, impressions, and so much more) Fred Norris; the staff of incredible writers and brilliant engineers; my front office, including chief operating officer Marci Turk and senior vice president Jeremy Coleman; my agent, Don Buchwald, and my executive assistant, Laura Federici; my bosses and the sales department at SiriusXM – I consider everyone a part of the team. What we do is like music, in a way. It's like a symphony. That is truly how I've always seen myself: as an orchestra conductor.

'Yet that generosity of spirit didn't extend to my guests. I should have treated them as talented soloists and welcomed them to join in our performance. I was just too afraid that the audience would be bored when they didn't get their fix of outrageousness – as if some quiet notes would have destroyed the concerto. Everything had to be one loud, crashing crescendo.

'Initially, I went to therapy twice a week. Then the therapist had me up it to three times. Eventually he recommended I make it four. I thought, "Man, I didn't know I was that screwed up." I was reluctant to make such a big commitment, but I did it. I completely gave myself over to the process.

'The more I went, the more that translated into how I interviewed my guests. I found myself changing my approach because I had experienced what it was like to have someone genuinely interested in my life. Therapy opened me up and enabled me to appreciate how fulfilling it was to be truly heard. That led me to the thought: "You know, somebody else might actually have something to say. Let's just sit here and listen and not make it all about you."

'At first, not making it about me was difficult. I had to learn to say no to myself. Stop talking. Start listening. Let someone else shine and have a moment. Trust that the audience will remain there.'

Excerpt from Howard Stern Comes Again by Howard Stern. Copyright © 2019 by One Twelve, Inc. Published by Simon & Schuster, Inc. on May 14.

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Howard Stern says interview with Robin Williams about affair with son's nanny is 'biggest regret'

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