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You're lying in bed, when your partner turns to you and says, 'I've been meaning to ask you. I'd really like to try something new in bed.'

The 'something' they whisper into your ear is a sexual activity you've either never heard of or never considered doing.

You don't want to be prudish by saying an outright no…but how do you know if it's something the average couple get up to?

What sorts of things are OK to say yes to and what should you be concerned about?

You're about to find out.

It goes without saying that you should never do anything sexually that you absolutely don't want to do.

Tracey Cox reveals the 15 sexy kinks it's safe to try with a partner to heat things up in the bedroom, including temperature play and anal 

But always remember: one person's 'kink' is another person's 'Yuck!'.

Even if you'd rather break both your arms than do what your partner is suggesting, respect that it's their 'thing'. It's not your place to make them feel bad about it.

If you don't want to do something, simply say, 'That really doesn't appeal to me. Sorry. But how about we find something else new to try?'.

If you're a tiny bit curious but want to be able to stop if you aren't enjoying it, make that clear, too.

All of the following quirks are worth exploring and, practiced sensibly, safe to try. (Yes, even that one.) 

QUIRKS WORTH EXPLORING: 

Spanking

More than three quarters of women in one UK survey said they'd tried and liked spanking; 70 per cent said they wished their partner would do it more often.

Tracey suggests that 'water sports' during sex can be less risky than unprotected oral or vaginal sex 

Sales of spanking devices – whips, paddles, crops – sky rocketed when the first Fifty Shades hit and – more interestingly – are staying that way.

It's fun, it's low-risk and most people love it. Don't forget to take turns to experience being the spanked and the spanker!

Temperature play

Ever stepped from a hot sauna into a freezing cold plunge pool? That's temperature play.

It's based on the idea that you'll feel something more intensely if it's very different to something else.

Think ice-cubes on hot skin, heated up or cooled down glass dildos. Nearly half of all men and women in the UK have tried temperature play and most liked it.

Watching porn together

Women account for almost one third of Pornhub's online viewers. Not only do women watch porn, we watch the dodgy stuff!

Pornhub analytics show women are 113 per cent more likely to search the term 'hardcore' than men.

Only 12 per cent of women who watch porn do it with their partner but those who do say it's improved their sex life and communication about sex.

Masturbating in front of each other

Highly recommended if you want a front seat view on how to give your partner pleasure. Being able to sit back and give full attention to watching your partner orgasm isn't just a huge turn on for most, it's a valuable lesson on what technique, speed, pressure they most enjoy.

If you're embarrassed being watched, close your eyes.

Anal play

What's the body part with the highest concentration of nerve endings besides your genitals? Your bottom!

Anal play used to be taboo but now lots of sexually adventurous couples are discovering its erotic potential.

But while I'm very fond of saying there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to have sex, when it comes to anal play (or anal sex), there are some rules you really do need to follow.

Read some practical guides about it first (you'll find lots on traceycox.com) and take baby steps.

Tracey recommends masturbating in front of a partner to understand what technique, speed and pressure they most enjoy 

Anal sex

It's one of those things that used to be taboo but is now quite commonplace.

One UK survey found among women who'd had anal sex during their last sex encounter, 93.5 per cent reported having an orgasm. In comparison, 65.9 per cent of those having vaginal sex reported orgasms.

This doesn't mean the anal sex itself caused the orgasms but it does suggest it's enjoyable to some women.

If you plan it properly, follow the rules (again, do your research) and take your time over a period of time, there's no reason why it should be painful. (Again, lots of info on this on my website.)

Lots of women really like it: it's a myth that women only do it to please men.

Using sex toys together

Most women use vibrators for solo sex, some feel nervous using them with a partner for fear he'll think his penis isn't enough.

Quite frankly, it often isn't.

Why wouldn't you use sex toys when having sex with a partner is more the question.

If you've never had an orgasm, your best possible chance is with a vibrator.

If you've never had an orgasm during penetration, it's a vibrator that will get you there.

If you've never had an orgasm with your partner, the best possible way is to invite your vibrator into bed with the two of you.

If you want to orgasm more quickly, a vibrator is your best bet.

For most women, nothing – not even damn fine oral sex – can bring us to orgasm more easily and effectively than vibration.

Knowing you can reach for your trusty vibe if it's taking too long to climax takes the pressure off both of you.

The sexpert recommends getting sex toys involved in the bedroom - suggesting it's a 'trusty' friend that could lead to better orgasms 

Sharing fantasies

Everyone fantasises – but not everyone wants to know what their partner dreams up.

It might sound like one of the safest quirks to try but sharing fantasies can land you in a lot of hot water.

First rule: never share fantasies about people you both know or are likely to meet for obvious reasons.

Also remember, your idea of a hot fantasy might freak the hell out of your partner - especially if it involves doing something quite 'out there' or out of character.

Keep it tame until you know how adventurous your partner really is and always preface sharing a fantasy with why you're sharing it.

Do you want to act it out or sharing simply to titillate?

Having sex in (semi) public

Unless you're talking about doing it in Dubai or an equally conservative country, this one's reasonably safe to indulge.

Within reason.

Sex in public is illegal so you need to use common sense when choosing where and what time of day. You want the thrill of knowing that you might be discovered without the actuality of it happening.

Avoid embarrassment by doing it where you won't be discovered by someone you know, if you do get caught.

Push clothes to the side rather than remove entirely and if full sex is too risky, stick to foreplay.

(Mild) BDSM

Power games, tie-up, hair pulling, biting or being bitten – mild BDSM is inexpensive (bondage kits and handcuffs are relatively cheap) or free (use an old scarf, tie or pair of tights) and involves a lot of sexual teasing.

It's all about one person being dominant and another submissive.

Let someone who's usually submissive be the boss or the dominant one be the taker and both of you get a big, sexy power kick.

Set rules and limits and have a code word for 'Stop' (and a partner who knows stop means stop) and this might make it to your 'regular' list.

Electrostimulation

Not as scary as it sounds, 'electro sex' is a way of stimulating the genitals and erogenous zones with a safe amount of electrical energy.

The toy or a conductive pad is placed somewhere on your body (like your genitals) to allow electricity to pass through the nerve cells. This makes you super sensitive to touch and creates sensations that range from a prickle or a tingle to a strong pulsating feeling that causes the muscles to contract.

Sounds weird, feels good!

A sex workshop

If you live in a city, there are lots of events and venues to choose from if you want to learn more about sex or sexual technique.

The School of Life (London and international) has classes in love and sex, female-friendly sex shops offer how-to classes on everything from how to spank to oral sex.

Some couples enjoy tantric sex weekends. These can involve getting naked and/or doing sensual/sexual things in front of others but not tall do (and if you choose a reputable one, you'll never be forced into doing anything you don't want to).

There's a sex workshop to suit pretty much every need: whether you're mainly after information or an experience.

Going to a strip bar or lap dancing club together

It's a great way to indulge a threesome fantasy without actually having one, or if you're a little bi-curious but want to look and maybe flirt but not take it further.

Lots of upmarket strip and lap-dance bars now boast a clientele of smart, young couples: choose carefully and you can avoid the boisterous boys-night-out brigade.

Women often get as much attention from strippers as the guys though it's the person doing the tipping that gets the most attention.

Just being in a sexy environment is enough to get the pulses racing for some couples, others take it through to getting a lap dance together.

Water sports ('golden showers').

This is an act of fetish play where one person urinates on another. Usually it's done in the bath (for obvious reasons).

While it's (clearly) not for everyone, urine exposure is less risky than unprotected vaginal or anal sex and less risky than oral sex.

Why would people want to do it?

It can be a humiliation thing. Or it can simply be because it's kinky and 'forbidden'. Some people get into it because they've seen their partner pee in the shower and got turned on by the sight.

On the whole, water sports are considered harmless.

But urine isn't sterile and bacteria is always present, even in healthy people. If they're not healthy, infections can be transmitted through their urine. Don't go there if you have an open wound or irritated, broken skin.

A sex club…just to watch

Killing Kittens, the Eureka Club, The Skirt Club – there's a sex party to cater for just about every taste these days.

Guess who they're particularly popular with?

Yup – women.

Go to one that lets you look without the pressure to participate (see the 'Quirks that can get you in trouble' sidebar).

This idea will either strongly appeal or frighten the life out of you.

If you think you'd feel intimidated rather than turned on, don't go there. Ditto if you're both jealous. (Even if you go and don't participate, watching each other watch other people torments the big, green monster.)

Want more info on the 'quirks' mentioned here? You'll find it at traceycox.com and Tracey's product ranges.