Forget to-do lists. Try a DON’T DO LIST: Writing down negative choices can help clarify how you want to spend your time
- A ‘to don’t’ list is of things that suck up our time and energy, leaving us unhappy
- The idea has been popularised by American business expert Adam Grant
- The ‘to don’t’ list provides a needed reminder of behaviours that don’t serve us
Are you the sort of person who loves a list? The type who takes great pleasure — as all the ‘how to be successful’ books say you should — in spending five minutes every night writing down your tasks for the next day so you can cross them off one by one as you achieve them?
Or are you like the rest of us — full of the best intentions, but constantly made to feel guilty by the things on your to do list that never seem to get done? (Personally I’ve spent the last two-and-a-half years rewriting the words ‘Make Dan’s birthday album’ on a series of to do lists. I still haven’t made Dan’s birthday album. Sorry, Dan.)
Well, it turns out that what we needed all along was not a ‘to do’ list, but a ‘to don’t’ list: a list of the things that suck up our time and energy and don’t make us happy, which we should remind ourselves to avoid daily.
It turns out that what we needed all along was not a ‘to do’ list, but a ‘to don’t’ list (stock photo)
The idea has been popularised by business expert Adam Grant, who co-authored tech leader Sheryl Sandberg’s latest book, Option B.
It provides, say those who do it, a little nudge — a reminder of behaviours that don’t serve us. Instead of heaping on pressure to carry out tasks, it’s an indicator of the way we want to live.
Whether it’s saying yes to everything we’re asked to do, spending ages on Instagram, or working late, the ‘to don’t’ list is the angel that sits on your shoulder, asking, ‘Are you sure you really want to do that?’
Writing down a list of all these ‘negative choices’ can help clarify how you want to spend your time, something plenty of successful people find valuable.
Former Apple CEO John Sculley once said of the company’s late founder Steve Jobs: ‘What makes Steve’s methodology different from everyone else’s is that he believed the most important decisions you make are not the things you do, but the things that you decide not to do.’
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As Kim Stephenson, an occupational psychologist, explains, to don’t lists have long been popular in management so why not use one in your personal life?
‘When evaluating productivity or success, and what steps you need to get to where you want to be, ask the questions, “What should I do more of? What should I start doing? What should I do less of? What do I need to stop doing?”,’ he says.
Perhaps it’s not surprising, at a time when words such as ‘self-care’ and ‘boundaries’ are commonplace, and many of us are more harried than ever, that we should be seeing a rise in people delineating the things that they are not prepared to do. And guess what? There’s an app for that — the To Don’t List app.
According to the people behind it, evidence suggests that this approach might make us happier. The app’s website refers to a study of 20 students who made to don’t lists of at least five items every day for a week.
Writing down a list of all these ‘negative choices’ can help clarify how you want to spend your time, something plenty of successful people find valuable (stock photo)
At the end of the week, the developers say 19 of the 20 students — who made resolutions such as not texting exes, not checking emails after 6pm, not eating sugar — said they felt happier, less anxious, and overall, their mood had improved.
But according to Stephenson, it’s not as straightforward as that. ‘Identifying that there are behaviours you want to avoid is the first step, but willpower alone isn’t enough,’ he says.
He points out that the brain struggles to work with negatives: ‘If I tell you not to think of an elephant, what do you think of?’
So write your to don’t list, but, he suggests, try to ally each item on it with positive actions.
Don’t want to mindlessly scroll through Instagram? Take the app off your phone — and think about what you want to do instead, such as read a book or go to the park.
You can also use visual reminders. ‘If you say you don’t want to waste money buying coffee, that’s fine, but why don’t you? If it’s because you want to save for a holiday, print out a picture of your destination and stick it up on the wall.
‘Put a red dot sticker on the picture, then another red dot on your wallet, one on your phone, one on your computer. The idea is that you’ll be reminded of what you want to achieve by not buying the coffee. And take a flask of coffee with you.’
His message is clear. Do what works for you.
