Tori Spelling has broken her silence after filing for divorce from husband Dean McDermott, 57, on her new podcast - and revealed she broke the devastating news to him midway through recording.
The MISSPELLING host, 50, who filed for divorce from McDermott, 57, on Friday after 18 years of marriage and a 10 month separation, spoke about the negative thoughts running through her head March 29.
The star called Dean on her podcast with fans hearing her speaking on the phone to him and announcing her decision to file for divorce.
She added the filing was a formality and added she was annoyed he had publicly spoken about their divorce - before bizarrely signing off the call with 'love you.'
Elsewhere on the podcast, the star said: 'I've never felt more alone.'
'I don’t feel worth loving. That’s the truth. And that’s something that’s just in you, it’s not something I wanted or created,' she said, revealing she experienced those feeling for a long time.
'That starts when you’re young. [And changing it], that's not easy to do.... I don't know if you can.'
Tori Spelling has broken her silence after filing for divorce from husband Dean McDermott , 57, on her new podcast - and revealed she broke the devastating news to him midway through recording
The former Beverly Hills 90210 star then called her estranged husband and left a message, letting him know that she had begun the procedure to dissolve their union.
'There’s this weird thing that I didn’t know about before that you have to be careful with your ex. It’s a he-said, she-said, who filed first,' she explained.
'I had to file and go through the process and then once it was accepted and publicly posted, then I’m allowed to call and fill in my ex. So I just called Dean,' the Scary Movie 2 alum explained.
'He’s working and I have to tell him and I’m super nervous because I don’t like confrontation.'
Spelling went on to say she wished she had taken the steps toward divorce for 'like... 15 years.'
'We always say, 'Hey, it made it 18 years.' It shouldn’t have made it 18 years,' the High School Crimes and Misdemeanors star contended, revealing she had stayed to protect McDermott and her children.
'And I think he would say the same thing if he and I had a real heart-to-heart. It would have been over a lot sooner.'
The actress described the good and bad aspects of her 18 year marriage on her MISSPELLING podcast March 29
Spelling said when she first met McDermott in 2005 on the set of Mind Over Murder they had a 'quick, passionate falling in love period'
The couple met on the set of the TV movie Mind Over Murder in 2005.
There was an instant connection, although both were already married.
'We had this very, quick, passionate falling in love period,' the actress said, describing it as a 'fast and furious romance.'
She praised McDermott for letting her be herself. 'I just remember I could show him me.'
Continuing, she explained, 'It wasn’t like, the cute like, giggly, "this is what people want me to be." I was able to be like, loud and like ugh, body-type of Tori. I could have like, I could have a fowl mouth,' she claimed.
Spelling said when she and McDermott first got together she could be herself with him. 'I was able to be like, loud and like ugh, body-type of Tori. I could have like, I could have a fowl mouth,' she claimed
The couple married in 2006 and quickly began welcoming their children; Liam, 17, Stella, 15, Hattie, 12, Finn, 11 and Beau, seven (Pictured in Calabasas, CA in October 2019)
'I’m not just Donna Martin, the perfect good girl. I could have some bad girl in me and it was okay. And he liked all those sides and he liked how smart I was and accepted me.'
The pair wed in May 2006 and welcomed son Liam in 2007.
Their family quickly grew and the former couple became parents to Stella, 15, Hattie, 12, Finn, 11 and Beau, seven.
'Honestly, our relationship was never the same after we started having kids,' the single mom said
'We always said, "We won’t be those parents that change. We’ll make sure we make our relationship a priority, the two of us. We have date nights." And everything went out the window. I became completely focused on the kids and kind of left him, in a way.'
While focusing on parenthood, the Izzy's Way Home star said 'Our relationship definitely changed where I really felt like I was in this alone with the kids.'
'And he was there, but he was an extra set of hands. He put the car seat in because I didn’t know how to do it and things like that. Emotionally, I was it. Like, "Tag, you’re it." I was the parent.'
The couple began supporting themselves via a series of reality shows that began with Tori & Dean: Inn Love in 2007 in which they operated a bed and breakfast .
The star said 'It was a lot of responsibility while also rebuilding a career — which I did. We became a family brand. I went from Hollywood rich girl... to like, cool mom. "Look at her. She does it all." Meanwhile, behind the scenes, it was all falling apart.'
The couple began supporting themselves through reality shows, beginning with 2007's Tori & Dean: Inn Love
To live up to their onscreen image, Spelling said she 'created the character of Dean,' to turn him into 'all those Prince Charmings I wanted when I was young' (Pictured in Fallbrook, CA in March 2007)
To live up to the image they had created for the world to see, Spelling said she 'created the character of Dean,' to turn him into 'all those Prince Charmings I wanted when I was young.'
'He had a lot of those qualities. But… you know… We did our reality show and the first one was like, ‘Fun, fun.’ So any bad stuff that would happen or fights or anything, they would edit,' she said of the process to protect the brand.
'Women everywhere, I would hear, ‘I wish I had a Dean.’ And I was like, ‘If you only knew…"'
The couple did try therapy, but Spelling said they were focused on different issues.
She said McDermott was concerned with her sloppiness, and how she didn't clean up after the family pets.
'I’m really good at taking blame so that someone can start to feel like they can open up. So yeah, I would say, "I do this, and I do that." Hoping he would be like, "Yeah, and I do this." But instead it was more focused on, "The dog s-- all over the house. She has too many animals. She’s a hoarder. She’s messy." And I’m like, "Yup, yup, yup. That’s me,"'
The couple went to therapy to deal with their problems, but Spelling said they were focused on different issues (Pictured in Los Angeles in August 2019)
Things came to a head after McDermott had helped his wife and 90210MG co-host Jennie Garth with a photo shoot (Pictured in Hermosa Beach, CA in August 2019)
McDermott, who entered rehab in summer 2023 for his drinking, told Daily Mail he would often go into alcohol fueled rages that would 'petrify' his family.
'Alcohol made me feel good enough. I started feeling good enough until it got to a point where it didn't – it ended up in isolation.
'It ended up with me drinking a fifth of tequila every night, seven days a week, and a handful of narcos [prescription meds] by myself with a beautiful family in the other room.
'That's what it led to and that's what led to the brokenness and to what happened between me and Tori,' he said. The former actor is now working as an alcohol and addiction counselor.
Spelling said alcohol was a factor in their decision to finally call it quits.
The day had begun with a photoshoot for McDermott and Jennie Garth. 'Jen and Dean haven’t always gotten along and I just remember that day she was like, "He was really great,"" the 90210MG host recalled.
'He helped and styled and carried and did everything for us that day, because we didn’t have the budget to hire people. We had to do the whole photoshoot ourselves, and video shoot — just me and Jen. And he was great. And when I got home, she texted me and said, ‘Dean was really great today.’ And I was like, ‘Oh, that’s going to mean a lot to him, for me to go in and say Jen gave you a compliment."'
The Pretty Hard Cases actor had already begun drinking when his wife passed on he message, and the pair began to talk about other issues.
'I could tell, "Oh, he’s fired up and it’s not going to go well,"' Spelling told her audience.
'And in my head I’m like, "Stop talking, walk away, cause otherwise this is going to escalate." But once in a blue moon,' she said, 'I don’t just walk away and I don’t just shut up. I come back. And I always say, it’s the Taurus in me. Stubborn. The Taurus will make peace with everyone and super patient and will be like, "I’m sorry, it’s me, it’s not you." And then you push us, you push us, you push us, and we then just snap.'
Spelling said McDermott had been drinking when she spoke to him later that night and the issues escalated and the pair ultimately decided to divorce and McDermott made the announcement on social media June 17, 2023 (Pictured in Los Angeles in May 2023)
McDermott entered rehab soon afterward. He told Daily Mail his drunken rages would 'petrify' his family. He is now working as a counselor for those suffering from alcohol abuse (Pictured in Culver City, CA October 2019)
In her divorce filing, the influencer asked for sole physical custody of their five minor children and joint legal custody, requesting that McDermott's visitation rights to be determined at a later date (Pictured in Los Angeles in September 2017)
'We had started fighting and I walked away, still passive aggressively saying things, "cause I’m passive aggressive — trying to work on that,' she interjected, 'And he was like, "What’d you say? What’d you say?" And I was like, "Hmmm. Uh huh, proceed — I said this!" And yeah… so it just like, escalated and he came in screaming. And he made a remark that I don’t want to discuss. But it’s not even a terrible remark, it’s just a dig at something he knew would really be hurtful to hear.'
McDermott announced their separation June 17, 2023.
'It’s with great sadness and a very very heavy heart that after 18 years together and 5 amazing children, that @torispelling and I have decided to go our separate ways, and start a new journey of our own.' he wrote on the social media declaration
In her divorce filing, the influencer asked for sole physical custody of their five minor children and joint legal custody, requesting that McDermott's visitation rights to be determined at a later date.
