We don't live in hotels. Not all Vegas women are showgirls. No one wants your kidneys. Now that we've dispelled those little misconceptions, find out more of what we locals know about the real Las Vegas.

Can't hack traveler's checks: Many Vegas taxi drivers are unable to accept traveler's checks. So, if you plan on picking up a cab at the airport to take you to your hotel and you're only carrying traveler's checks, you might want to turn some to cash before approaching the taxi staging area.

Parking garages: In a town that caters to tourists, offering free parking is a must. Most hotels have free parking garages and the ones that don't will validate -- which seems like an inconvenience, but it's better than paying. Valet parking, which is offered at most hotels, is usually free, but tipping is highly recommended (we suggest a dollar or two for the valet).

Parking garages, the sequel: We've told you how wonderful it is to have free parking garages here in Las Vegas. And it really is. But there's one small fact that we neglected to mention. Each garage is different, and they're not always easy to navigate. Since we have yet to crack the special code to parking garage design, the only tip we offer is to look for the arrows. They almost always send you in the right direction. You also might want to peruse our parking garage guide, for helpful hints. Don't forget, though, to look for other drivers who didn't have the foresight to check VEGAS.com first.

Canvassing: What is it, and is it illegal? You know those guys who stand on Las Vegas Boulevard trying to hand out fliers for strip clubs and escort services? They're canvassers. After much fighting with the city council, the canvassers appear to have won the right to pass out information. Even though most people complain that the fliers cause litter and the canvassers get in the way of pedestrians, we've noticed that if you just keep walking, they aren't aggressive at all. Of course, you could always take a brochure; we just won't take responsibility for anything that happens after that.

Get on the bus: If you arrive in Vegas with just a carry-on bag and you're staying downtown, try catching the CAT (Citizen Area Transit) bus from the airport to downtown Vegas, with no transfers. The bus may not get there as quickly as a taxi would, but you'll save a few bucks. That extra cash could be your ticket to financial freedom (if you happen to win MegaBucks). Or it could buy you a lot of shrimp cocktails.

Where to park at the New York-New York? The next time you need to dock your Cadillac at New York-New York, try the fifth floor of the parking structure. The entrance is easy to miss -- it's on your left as the ramp loops right toward the next level -- but if you can make it, you'll find ample parking directly in front of the elevators. See you in the city that never sleeps!

Where to stand: If you happen to be in town when your favorite band, or even one you think is mediocre, is playing at the House of Blues, go! Sometimes the tickets seem expensive, but it's a rather small venue and most concerts are general admission. That means you get a fair chance to fight to the front like everyone else. Our recommendation: don't stand in the back by the bar. The ceiling is a lot lower back there and the sound doesn't carry very well. Grab a drink fast and fight your way back to the front!

Free rides: Walking from hotel to hotel seems like a good idea. After all, you don't want to miss the beautiful décor, the fountains or the neon. But after you walk for a while (particularly if it's the middle of the day in August), you've had enough. How about a free ride? A few hotels have constructed trams between their properties. Now trams connect the following: Mirage and Treasure Island; and Mandalay Bay and the Excalibur, with a stop at the Luxor. The tram between the Bellagio and the Monte Carlo is temporarily closed. The monorail between the MGM Grand and Ballys / Paris is being expanded. The new monorail will stretch all the way from the MGM Grand down to the Las Vegas Convention Center and Sahara hotel-casino. This monorail is closed for the expansion construction, but expect the new and improved route to open in March, 2004. Click here for our guide to hotel monorails.

Night fever, night fee-vah: We don't know why, but the following songs seem ideally suited to top-down Strip cruising: "Everybody, Everybody" by Black Box; "Love Removal Machine" by The Cult; "Shake Your Rump" by the Beastie Boys; "Mystery Train" by Elvis Presley; "Feel So Real" by Moby; "Trailer Music" by Pizzicato Five; "That Wuz 'Ear Me Callin' a Horse" by Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet; "Copacabana" by Barry Manilow; "That Old Black Magic" by Louis Prima and Keely Smith. Remember to respect noise pollution laws; somewhere, someone is sleeping. Enjoy!

Comfy shoes: There are certain places where fashion is more important than comfort -- Tabu, Studio 54 or Ra. However, when you're slumming around during daylight hours, casino hopping or standing in line for a buffet, wear your Hush Puppies or Chuck Taylors. After all, you don't want your fashionable shoes to rub blisters when you're vamping it up at Studio 54. Oh, and if you choose to ignore our words of wisdom, make sure you've packed your specially selected Band-Aids.

People-watching: If you love to people-watch but are tired of hanging out at the airport, we've found the next best place. When you're at the Forum Shops at Caesars Palace, request patio dining at Bertolini's or SPAGO's. It doesn't matter whether you're eating lunch or dinner, people will flock to the fountains located out front. In fact, anyone venturing to other areas of the shops has to pass by first. Just remember -- no heckling! Map it.

Crossover: Imagine summer in Vegas. The temperature is 115 degrees and you're wearing a favorite sundress or Bermuda shorts. You're walking down the Strip or Fremont Street when you decide to enter a casino and partake in a cool, refreshing beverage. Prepare to freeze! You'd think there would be a happy medium, but for some reason, casinos tend to keep the thermostat at what feels like a shocking 60 degrees. So you can either (A) have a light jacket with you to put on, or (B) grab your drink in a to-go container and get back out in the what-you-once-believed-to-be-sweltering heat.

Crossing the bar by car: If you're driving in Las Vegas, remember to never, ever cross the Strip at Spring Mountain or Sahara. If you do, you may just as well add 20 minutes to your driving time. Cross at Charleston to the north, Tropicana to the south (ironically enough, what was once one of the worst intersections in town is now one of the speediest, provided you're not turning onto the Strip itself). And yes, my huckleberry friend, you should use the Desert Inn super-arterial whenever possible, and cross Las Vegas in six-lane, high-speed luxury and comfort.

Crossing the bar by foot: If you ever wonder where your gambling money goes, (besides the miniature Eiffel Tower, the dancing fountains or plaster Obelisk) thank the city councilmen (well, some of them) and the major casinos next time you're walking on the pedestrian skywalk.

Tips on tipping: Because Vegas is a service-based city, tipping is a big, big deal. Just ask the IRS. You may not be sure how much to tip and when, so here's a quick rundown.

• Bellmen: They usually receive $1 a bag, but an extra tip is suggested if you ask them to make show reservations or if they help you with taxis, etc.
• Concierge: If the concierge helps you arrange show tickets, tours, hair appointments or anything else, it is customary to leave a tip. It's up to the customer, but anywhere from $2-$20 is graciously accepted.
• Front desk clerks: If you're looking for a room upgrade, tipping the front desk clerk can get you a better room. We leave it up to your discretion, but we've heard everything from $10-$50.
• Valet parking attendants: We suggest $1 - $2 for valet parking attendants when you drop off and pick up. If you want them to leave the car up front, be prepared to tip higher, anywhere between $10 - $30 depending upon how busy it is.
• Dealers: Tipping a dealer is a little trickier. You can give the dealer a tip in between hands or spins, and this tip can range from $1 to as much as you want to give. You can also wait until the end of your session and tip the dealer then.
• Keno and bingo runners: $1 every few rounds is acceptable and suggested even if you aren't winning.
• Cocktail waitresses: About $2 per round is sufficient for a small group (two to three people). Increase it for larger groups. Don't fail to tip, even if your drinks are comped.
• Change person: Don't forget to slip a few bucks to these helpful folks -- especially if you win. Don't try to palm off a $5 tip for a Megabucks win; it's insulting.
• Slot supervisors: They fix bill jams and fill the hopper, allowing you to collect your jackpot -- could it hurt to tip a buck or two?
• Maids: We'd recommend $1-$2 a day for the maid service in your hotel room. After all, you couldn't pay us enough to clean up after you.

What to wear: Yes, Las Vegas is in the desert. And, yes, the temperature gets to be about 115 degrees in the summer. But if you happen to be visiting in the winter (usually from Halloween to Valentine's Day), don't be fooled. A jacket is definitely recommended, especially if the wind is blowing. We know our blood is probably thin from living here, and we may not get blizzards, but consider this your warning -- it's a lot colder here than you'd think. Click here for the latest conditions.

Pedestrians: Look left, look right, look left, and look right again. Pedestrians need to pay extra special attention as they walk across the Strip. Traffic is scary. Perhaps it's the lights, the volcano, the fountains, the Eiffel Tower or the lion; whatever it is, drivers seem to have a difficult time following simple traffic rules. Even if your light says "Walk," still look left, look right ...

24 Hours: It's easy to become spoiled by living in Las Vegas, since most businesses stay open late or even 24 hours. It's a shock when we travel and can't get dinner past 9 p.m. or when we see gas stations that actually close. So, while you're here, eat when you want or grab a Big Gulp at 3 a.m. just because you can! If you're looking to wind down after a show, an especially wonderful spot to hang out and grab a cocktail or dessert is the Peppermill, directly across from the Stardust. The lounge and coffee shop are open 24 hours a day and have that Old Vegas feeling.

"Sawtooth" roads: They start out at four lanes across -- two in each direction -- and suddenly, without warning, they shrink to two lanes total. They are sawtooth roads, and they're poisoning our American way of life. You'll find most of them up in the Lakes neighborhood, but there are a few in the city core. If the left lane is backed up and the right has no one in it whatsoever, you're about to be shunted into a right-turn-only lane; be cautious.

Transportation: Though we don't have a subway system in Vegas, we do offer a multitude of ways to get around. Depending on the hotel you're staying at, a shuttle from the airport may be offered (look in our hotel info section). Of course, taxis (make sure you jot down the cab number and driver's name), limousines-for-hire and rental cars are almost always available and CAT, our public bus service, is pretty efficient. And you could always walk ... Click here for our Transportation section.

You send me: Las Vegas is finally an official city of the future as we now boast an official internet cafe - the appropriately named Internet Cafe, to be specific, on Las Vegas Blvd. in the Polo Towers shopping center, next to the Harley Davidson Cafe. Internet service is $8 for a half-hour and $12 for an hour. Pay-per-use Web terminals were also recently spotted at the Hard Rock Hotel and McCarran International Airport; the MGM Business Center offers five minutes of access for $5; and Mandalay Bay offers access for approximately $10 per half-hour. The Las Vegas Hilton business center offers 15 minutes of high-speed access for $5. The Tropicana Hotel has four Internet terminals near the buffet -- access costs $5 for 10 minutes.

Off the Strip, Kinko's Copy Centers offer web access at $12 an hour. The closest branches are on Paradise Boulevard, next to Gordon Biersch, and across from UNLV on Maryland Parkway. And free Web access is provided at local libraries, but you'll have to wait in line. The closest library to the Strip is at Maryland and Flamingo, and can be reached at (702) 733-7810. If you happen to be at Fitzgerald's in downtown Vegas, they offer internet access for 20 cents a minute and the stations are located near check in.

Avoiding the masses: If you're attempting to avoid the crowds and visit Vegas during the slow season, it may be difficult. Vegas is a hot vacation spot year-round. However, we can tell you that from about 2 a.m. to 7 a.m. is perhaps the slowest time, particularly during the week. Early morning hours are probably the perfect time to step up to a craps table and learn how to play without the pressure of other players glaring at you.

The water of life: Drinking lots of booze at night + walking around in 115 degree heat during the day = dehydration. Unless you're one of those travelers who enjoy visiting local hospitals and getting strapped to an IV, we recommend you drink lots of water. Avoid the tap water (it actually smells); buy one of those trendy bottled waters. The prices for the bottled stuff are quite high at the hotels, so stop by a local grocery store or convenience store and stock up.

While you're at the drugstore: It's a dry heat. It's a dry cold. It's a dry wind. In Vegas, it's dry, dry, dry. Our hands are dry, our faces are dry and please, don't look at our heels when we wear sandals in the summer, cuz, yep, they're dry, too. To make up for this dryness, do what we sometimes fail to do and carry with you at all times the following items: Chapstick, sunscreen and lotion. And if you see us on the street, let us borrow yours in case we forgot to slather it on that morning.

Trolleys: You've seen the cute little trolleys driving down the Strip with all the happy passengers. Look closer. Although it's a great way (and a much cheaper way) to drive down Las Vegas Boulevard, don't expect a grand tour. Instead, you'll probably be dropped off at obscure doors at the hotels, perhaps driving by the dumpsters on the way to the back and side doors. You might also expect to take a long time to get from one end of the Strip to the other. Imagine taking an hour to get from the Las Vegas Hilton to Caesars Palace. Of course, you could take this time to regain some strength before you hit the next machine.

Watch the roaring traffic boom: Perhaps you've been driving around Vegas and have seen cameras mounted on top of traffic lights. We have, and wondered why. Well, turn on Channel 4 (Cox Cable) from 6 a.m. to 8 a.m. weekdays for oddly compelling television. You can actually watch traffic. It may sound boring, but they mix a variety of music to accompany the views that keeps you intrigued. Or perhaps it's just that you like watching people in their cars and sometimes even pedestrians. We're not here to judge, folks. But we have known one person in particular who has actually been late to work because he could not tear himself away from watching traffic on government-access television.

The Red-Eye Gang: You might already know that if a flight is overbooked, the airlines will sometimes offer incentives to passengers to give up their seats. If you're not in a hurry to get home and would love to be the recipient of such a bonus, the best time to get "bumped" is the red-eye flights on the weekend. We know of some lucky passengers who were given free nights at a local hotel, meals and free roundtrip tickets. Best of all, they were able to stay in Vegas that much longer.

Shaken, not stirred traffic tips: Okay, okay, we get it. It has been brought to our attention that it's difficult to drive a car in Vegas -- at least on and around the Strip. Here are a few tips to keep in mind when venturing out of the casino and onto the roads.

• Stop that car: When renting a car, try to reserve one before you get here. If you happen to be here and decide you need one, you may have to wait a couple of days for availability. There are times we can't figure out why everyone is in town (convention, three-day weekend, boxing match, millionaire wedding), but don't be surprised if the car isn't there waiting for you.
• Location, location, location: That mantra might work in real estate, but here in Vegas we chant convenience, convenience, convenience. You could wait along the Strip for a taxi or the CAT bus, but where will that get you? Just down the Strip, perhaps, or even all the way downtown if you're lucky. Why not rent a car and have the freedom to come and go as you please? You can explore Vegas off the Strip -- don't worry, we do it all the time. You'll be able to get in touch with nature, or just visit other casinos in residential neighborhoods.
• I feel free: Rental cars are also helpful for shortcuts around the Strip. For example, you just finished eating at the NASCAR Café at the Sahara Hotel and need to be down at the Luxor for the Blue Man Group performance. Since it's Saturday night, there is bumper-to-bumper traffic on the Strip. Get in your car and drive west on Sahara Avenue, then south on Interstate 15. As long as there are no accidents, you should be able to exit at Tropicana eastbound, turn south on the Strip and park at the Luxor, all in time to slip on your poncho. Suppose the show is over, and you want to grab an exotic drink at the Voodoo Lounge at the Rio. Travel west on Tropicana Avenue, make a right on Industrial and a left on Rio Boulevard, which will terminate at ... that's right, the Rio Hotel.

Share that cab! Imagine you're club or casino-hopping in Vegas. You've been drinking, so you don't want to drive, and walking to the next destination is out of the question (you know, too far, or a big waste of time). What do you do? Get a cab. If you want to save money, grab one of those mini-van cabs and split the fare with others who are going your way. After all, you may need that extra cash for the cover charge at the next club.

Keeping in touch: Cell phones and walkie talkies are a great way to keep in touch with fellow travelers while in Vegas. Just keep in mind that most casinos frown upon their use on the casino floor (and they're strictly out of bounds in the race and sports books). Walkie talkie users actually say the signal is clearer than on cell phones plus they're generally cheaper, but they do have a far more limited range.

Specify, specify, specify: Our hotel-casinos are larger than they look -- telling your party to meet you at the bar could leave them wandering around for hours as they try to find the exact spot you were thinking of. Name a specific location all will be able to find -- such as the front desk or the casino's showroom -- and you won't spend your vacation looking for your fellow travelers.

Larger than life: Remember how we mentioned that hotels are larger than they look? If you have trouble walking or are elderly, you may want to request rooms near the hotel's elevators. Most people have never seen hotels this large and you might find it tiring when you have to hike to your room, at the far end of a very long hall, time after time for five days.

Do you have a tip you'd like to share? Send it to webmaster@vegas.com.