We don't live in hotels. Not all Vegas women are showgirls. No one wants your kidneys. Now that we've dispelled those little misconceptions, find out more of what we locals know about the real Las Vegas.

Mummy dearest: Tired of the same old Vegas souvenirs? Well, this time, return from the desert as famed archaeologist Howard Carter once did -- weighed down with a half-ton of Egyptian doodads from Egyptian Art Imports (702-734-6609). We're not exactly sure what to do with a Golden Scarab, but nevertheless, you can get one here -- along with all the ankhs you can eat. Map it.

Something substantial: Tired of setting your money on fire in the casino? There's an alternative. Ditch your companion (odds are he won't notice for a while) and go shopping at the Fashion Outlet in Primm, on the California/Nevada state line. Its circular layout is easy on the feet -- you don't have to backtrack -- and the crowds are invariably light. You can leave the high rent district of the Strip to dig through the racks at the Last Call-Neiman Marcus store, Banana Republic or the Williams-Sonoma Outlet. When you meet back at the hotel room, you'll look good in your new outfit, and your friend will have on the same ratty Levi's and an empty wallet. Of course, if he won, you might go back to an empty hotel room.

For the record: Big B's (702-732-4433) is our favorite independently run record store. Most any weekend, you'll find at least two of our staffers on premises, poring over the "electronica" section and threatening to bite anyone who gets too close to that last Sasha compilation. The store's selection of vinyl LPs -- old and new -- is very deep, and they have more cool used CDs than you've ever seen in your mortal lifetime. Need assistance? Brian or Alex will be happy to help you complete your thought. See you there, and don't touch that Sasha CD. That's ours. Map it.

Book 'em: Looking for a few things to read on the plane back home? Look no further than Albion Books (702-792-9554). Albion boasts volumes of volumes -- from Amis to Zola -- plus good turnover in the titles and a fine collection of first editions. The prices are reasonable and they wrap your purchases in classy brown paper. Map it.

Days of yore: Ah, old Vegas. Warms your heart just to think about it. Perhaps you can't watch Sammy, Dean or Frank on the Strip, or make a deal with Bugsy, but if you manage to stop by on the on the right day, you may be able to pick up some nostalgia from the local Salvation Army or Catholic Charities thrift store. Check the phone book in your room for the closest location. You might find some old Sands or Dunes memorabilia, or even something from one of the newer fancy-shmancy hotels (but lots cheaper).

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