|
|
 |
-
What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes!
-
What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? Crisp Cringle.
-
If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do astronauts get? Missile
–toe!
-
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa? Claus-trophobic.
-
What’s the best evidence that Microsoft has a monopoly? Santa
Claus had to switch from Chimneys to Windows.
-
There are currently 78 people named S. Claus living in
the U.S. – and one Kriss Kringle.
-
December
is the most popular month for nose jobs.
-
Weight of Santa’s sleigh
loaded with one Beanie Baby for every kid on earth: 333,333 tons.
-
Number of reindeer required to pull a 333,333 ton
sleigh: 214,206 – Plus Rudolph.
-
Average wage of a mall Santa: $11 an hour. With
real beard: $20.
-
To deliver his gifts in one night, Santa would have to
make 822.6 visits per second, sleighing at 3,000 times the speed of sound. At
that speed, Santa and his reindeer would burst into
flame instantaneously.
-
Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you
think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
-
Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he
would mind watering your plants.
-
Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted
to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.
-
Paint “hoof-prints” all over your face and clothes. While he’s in the house, go
out on the roof. When he comes backup, act like you’ve been “trampled.”
Threaten to sue.
-
Instead of ornaments, decorate the tree with Easter eggs. Dress up like the
Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come in and then say, “This neighborhood ain’t
big enough for both of us.”
-
Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.
-
Leave a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.
-
Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa’s sure to see them. Go
outside, yell, “Ooh! Look! A deer! And he’s got a red nose!” and fire a gun.
-
While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
-
While he’s in the house, replace all his reindeers with exact replicas. Then
wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
(Source: unknown)
-
What did Jack Frost say to Frosty the Snowman? Have an ice day!
-
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a detective? Santa
Clues!
-
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters? They both drop their
needles!
-
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? Thanks,
I’ll never part with it!
-
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws!
-
Why does Father Christmas like to work in the garden? Because he
likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!
-
What do monkeys sing at Christmas? Jungle Bells, Jungle Bells...!
-
What happens when you cross an apple with a Christmas tree? A
pineapple!
To: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season
-
Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to make tinsel is discouraged.
-
Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an
incredible long distance bill).
-
Work request are not to be filed under “Bah humbug.”
-
Company cars are not to be used to go over the river and through the woods to
Grandma’s house.
-
All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORE July 25.
-
Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.
In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday.
| |
